Hidden Knowledge and Painful Revelations
by ForIHaveOvercomeTheWorld
Summary: Merlin and Arthur get captured and Merlin proves exactly how loyal he is. As well as how far he is willing to go to protect the people and kingdom he loves. Will this change Arthur's view of his servant? Nonslash, contains torture and Gratuitous bromance
1. Torn and then not

Hidden Knowledge and Painful Revelations

A Merlin Fanfiction

Summary: Merlin and Arthur get captured and Merlin proves exactly how loyal he is. As well as how far he is willing to go to protect the people and kingdom he loves. Will this change Arthur's view of his servant? Will he realize how lucky he is to have Merlin as his manservant and his friend?

Warnings: Violence, torture, creepy dudes, possible bad punctuation. Hopefully nothing too gross. Nonslash.

Spoilers: Story begins shortly after the Poisoned Chalice, so anything up to that point is fair game.

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><p>To say that Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot was torn would be a gross understatement. Ever since Merlin, his clumsy oaf of a manservant, had saved his life by drinking from what he knew to be a poisoned goblet, Arthur hadn't known what to think; about anything.<p>

He had thought his ridiculous servant had hated him, at least at first. He had called him a prat for goodness sake! And, Arthur being Arthur, in true prattish fashion, had him thrown in the dungeon and put in the stocks. And yet, after all of that, the _idiot_ had saved his life from the witch impersonating Lady Helen. Literally pulled him out of the way, though Arthur hadn't missed the look of despair that had covered Merlin's face when his father had _gifted_ him with the honor of being Arthur's manservant. Honestly, he had had a similar reaction.

Maybe if he had only saved his life once, even back then Arthur hadn't really considered him a cruel person, just annoying and rude. And after getting to know Merlin a bit better he knew without a doubt that he was a kind soul. Maybe he had just saved him out of kindness, no matter how much of a "prat" Arthur was being; maybe Merlin had saved him just because that's who he was. But after the events of the last two months that could no longer be the only reason.

Next came the _lovely_ incident with Valiant, yet another person who wanted to kill Arthur. Seriously, what was up with that? And Merlin had been the one to inform Arthur about the magic snaky shield. And even though he would like to say that he may have acted quickly enough in the arena without being forewarned by his servant, he wasn't sure if that was the case. Maybe he would have frozen and the snakes would have gotten him. Merlin may have saved his life for a second time.

And how had he thanked him? By sacking him, by saying "get out of my sight." Of course, afterwards he had _essentially_ apologized and had rehired him.

Still, he kept thinking of the moment when the snakes had come out of the shield and Valiant had been as shocked as everyone else. If he hadn't commanded them to come out then who did? But, like all the rest of the unexplained events in Arthur's life, he put it behind him and forgot the strangeness of it.

Then came the time with the water when people started to get sick and die. Merlin had tried to convince the court that he was the sorcerer that had healed Gwen's father. Though, if anyone would use magic for good it would be Merlin—he doesn't have an evil bone in his body. But of course he didn't—doesn't—have magic, and he Arthur doubted it _really_ was because he was in love for Gwen. However, Merlin was friends with Guinevere, and it was just the sort of thing he would do to prevent her execution.

Merlin had also informed him of the creature in the water.

Then after all of that came that _awful_ treaty banquet. Merlin had said that king Bayard of Mercia had been seen lacing the goblet he had given to Arthur. The same cup he had been about to drink from. Merlin, the _idiot,_ had tried to save his life again. Arthur had attempted to cover for the boy, to get him to leave before anything had a chance to be done to him. But it had been too late. At first, his father had wanted Bayard to drink from the chalice, but then he had decided that if it was poisoned and he would like to kill the king himself, never mind that an innocent servant would die because of Uther's vindictiveness.

Arthur had even offered to drink it himself when he saw what was going to happen. If the goblet _was_ poisoned Merlin would likely die, and if it wasn't then he would be flogged at best, flogged _then_ killed at absolute worst. But Merlin hadn't let him drink from the cup and Arthur couldn't have very well insisted in front of the courts of two kingdoms that he be the one to drink _poison_.

Arthur hadn't known what to wish for as Merlin had held the cup in front of him; facing both royal families in turn. No matter what would happen that stupid excuse for a servant would be in a lot of trouble. And as Merlin had said it was "fine" after drinking from the blasted thing, he had felt a strange sense of horror that he had only ever felt once before, but not in such a strong dose. When Merlin had claimed that he was a sorcerer, a stone had sunk to the bottom of Arthur's stomach, at least, that's what it felt like. But when his father had so callously said to Bayard that he could do with Merlin whatever he wanted; there had been a much bigger stone.

Then Merlin started choking and the stone had been removed, only to be replaced with a knife in his gut. He had rushed to Merlin's side but the damage was already done. And that's when he had known, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Merlin, clumsy, silly, lazy Merlin was an idiot. What other reason could there be for a servant to give his life for a, in his own words, royal prat of a prince? A prince that treated his dogs better than he treated his servant. A _prince_ that constantly called him names and had sacked him at least once for trying to save his life.

Arthur finally realized exactly how far the boy was willing to go for his master. It was one thing to save his life, but it was another thing entirely to give his life for him. So the prince had done the only thing he could do when faced with such loyalty, when faced with the idea of his servant, and possible friend dying; he had gone on a quest for the antidote. A quest to save Merlin. Gaius had said that it would be a slow and painful death, and it was that thought that had kept him going. That was, until he had been left hanging by some rocks with giant spiders with the intent to bite crawling their way towards him. No visible way out, the antidote out of reach, and two quickly exhausting arms had helped to finalize Arthur's view of a hopeless situation.

Then a bluish, whitish orb of beautiful light had appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Arthur had, at first, assumed that it was yet another force of fate coming to see him to his death, and consequently, Merlin's. But the light had lit up the cave and shown him a way out. More than that, it had seemed to deter the spiders a little bit and well as urge Arthur on. It was almost if he could hear a voice telling him to move, to climb and to follow the light.

Arthur had made it back and, with the help of Gwen, managed to get the flower to Merlin. And even though he hadn't been there for Merlin's emergence from the clutches of the poison, he had heard first hand from Gwen how frighteningly close it had been. Between the accounts of Gaius and Morgana's maid, Arthur had learned how painful it must have been for the boy, how close he came to death. And he hoped that was something that would never happen again.

And now, almost a week later, Arthur's life still hadn't gone back to normal. After the healing of Gwen father and the blue orb in the cave he wasn't sure if magic, all magic, was necessarily evil, a belief he had been taught since he was a child. He wasn't sure why on earth Merlin had given his life for Arthur when the prince couldn't for the life of him, ironically enough, think of what he'd done to deserve it. He didn't know who had cast that magic, why it felt like a knife had been pushed into his stomach when Merlin had choked, or why every time he looked at the painfully thin boy these days that he got a sense of uneasiness in his gut.

He just looked so tired all the time, even though his mouth hadn't seemed to lose any of its energy. He was still the same old Merlin, only a Merlin with huge bruises under his eyes. If Arthur didn't know better then he would say that the servant had gotten into a fight, since those dark circles couldn't possibly come from lack of sleep. But they had.

The first day after they had been released by their respective jailers—Arthur by his father and Merlin by Gaius—the manservant had returned to work. But after only a few hours the boy had looked ready to drop, and Gaius, who everyone knows has a sixth sense when it comes to sick people, had appeared and had dragged Merlin back to his bed. And although Arthur had protested—to keep up appearances—he was glad the physician had intervened because it would have been very awkward if Arthur had. Ever since that day Merlin had been working how he normally does; with a lot of smiles, silliness, laziness, and insults. But those bags under his eyes hadn't gone away, they'd gotten slightly less dark, but they hadn't gone away. He wished Gaius would come and force the self-sacrificing idiot back to bed since Arthur couldn't do anything to help Merlin without it being seen as him caring. Arthur _didn't_ care about Merlin, he couldn't. And yet, he couldn't help but feel that he wouldn't have gone on a quest to save just any servant. He'd want to, but he probably wouldn't risk his father's wrath for his previous servant, or any of his servants. And above all this was something he would never, ever tell Merlin.

But the truth remained that Arthur was torn. His servant obviously needed sleep and rest, something he couldn't just tell the ridiculous boy to get. Magic may actually have good uses, and while he wasn't going to mention anything about the fear or despair he wanted to tell Merlin about the blue orb in the cave. Somehow when he thought of the light he thought of Merlin, which was ridiculous. Still, out of anyone the boy would probably be the most open about the idea of magic saving a Pendragon than anyone else since he hadn't actually grown up in Camelot and wasn't normally a prejudiced person. But whenever he tried the words wouldn't come out. Telling him something as personal as his changing views on magic might mean that he was a friend, something he would never admit to himself inside Camelot's walls.

Aside from all of that Arthur was going stir crazy. Whenever he started to think something his father wouldn't approve of he had the overwhelming feeling that he need to get out, go on a hunt, patrol, something. Which meant that, considering everything that had been going on since his lazy manservant had come into his life, he felt like if he didn't get out soon he would go insane. And even though he had gone on a patrol within the last five days it hadn't really helped. The knights, while his friends and loyal companions, had a narrow way of thinking and probably wouldn't approve of what is going through Arthur's mind. What he needed was to be alone, or be with someone he could trust not to judge him until he had heard all the information that had made Arthur himself think differently. And Merlin was the only person he trusted to do that. Okay, maybe he'd pretend to judge him but Arthur would be able to see through it; the boy had an open mind, probably since there wasn't much inside it. However, dragging Merlin along on a hunting trip might just wear him out more, plus Arthur would be missing out on a perfect excuse to give the exhausted servant a day off. So yes, torn would be the right word to describe Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot.

And as said prince was waiting for the ridiculously late servant whom most of Arthur's problems were about, or at the very least associated with, to bring him his breakfast, Arthur realized something else just as troubling. If Merlin was this late every morning…why on earth did he look like he hadn't slept in days? If he wasn't sleeping in late then what in the name of everything that was weighing on Arthur's mind was the servant doing?

And just then a tired, disheveled, and all around sickly looking Merlin rushed into Arthur's room with a precariously placed plate of food in his hand and said,

"Good morning, Arthur!" with a stupid grin on his face.

And that's when Arthur knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't leaving that imbecile of a servant behind from the hunting trip. No, no way. Not when there were so many important questions to be answered, the most important of which being…why was he grinning like that?

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><p><strong>Wow, first chapter done, please review and tell me what you think of it. Don't worry, there will be a lot more talking and less thinking in the next chapters, this was just a type of prologue. Since it is my first ever fic please be gentle, but also tell me my mistakes. I realize I have a problem with punctuation so anyone who would be willing to help out or possibly give some helpful tips would be my bestest beta bud, even if you weren't really my beta. Just a forewarning, I tend to talk quite funny in real life so in these an's I'll probably sound like a five-year-old at times. Case in point: bestest. Also this being the first fanfic I've ever written on anything that isn't in my head, not to mention first time on this site, I am a bit new to things, so once again any helpful hints or tips will be greatly appreciated. So...tell me what you liked and what you didn't like and remember that if you crush my fragile ego I'll probably never finish. (: bye for now.**


	2. To Hunt and Smile

**Here we go, another chapter. I hope this one doesn't disapoint, i mean, i'd hate for people to love my first chapter and then dispise the rest of them. I want to give a big thank you to everyone who reviewed. Being my first story and all it's kinda nice to get even the tiniest reviews. I also want to clear up a few things before anyone gets their hopes up. I A) i realize that this plotline has been used several times before but hopefully i can manage to make it somewhat different than the others. B) This will not be a reveal fic. C) I plan on this being the first in a series, a series that will include a reveal of more than just Merlin's magic. So, anything you don't see in this fic you could always ask to be put in the later ones. Except slash, no point in asking for slash 'cause it won't happen. Anyway, enjoy! (:**

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_And that's when Arthur knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't leaving that imbecile of a servant behind from the hunting trip. No, no way. Not when there were so many important questions to be answered, the most important of which being…why was he grinning like that?_

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><p>"Ah, Merlin," Arthur said, "four things. One: you're late."<p>

"I know but there was a problem concerning Gaius and a tub full of beetles—"

"Two," Arthur cut Merlin off since he was not entirely sure that he wanted to know the rest of the story, "wipe that grin off your face, it's annoying. And three: we are going on a hunting trip tomorrow so make sure we have enough food and supplies to last five days," the prince said as he sat down to eat his breakfast, which thankfully the clumsy idiot hadn't spilled.

Merlin stood up and turned around to face Arthur from where he had been making the bed. "A hunting trip? Why? It's not like the palace kitchens need your help because there's more than enough food down there. Why can't you just train the knights instead? I know how much you like bashing their heads in. I just don't get the point of killing cute, fuzzy little animals just for sport. Surely you can get your _kicks_ elsewhere." Merlin at this point was looking incredulously at Arthur.

"I _have_ been training the knights, _Merlin_; don't you pay attention to _anything? _In fact I've been pushing them _so_ hard that they deserve a break. Besides; I am the prince of Camelot and if I wish to go on a hunting trip then it's not for you to question it or _argue_." He looked pointedly at Merlin to make sure he got the obvious message. But apparently he didn't.

"Just because you're the prince doesn't mean that you should be allowed to make a complete _prat_ of yourself by killing defenseless rabbits," Merlin shot back.

Arthur was getting even more annoyed now; something he only realized that he enjoyed when it came to Merlin after the argument was over.

"Actually, it _does_ mean all of that!" Arthur said, then cringed as he realized what he'd set himself up for.

"So you _admit_ that you _are_ a prat!" Merlin looked triumphant.

_Yep_, Merlin wasn't one to miss out on an opportunity.

"Merlin, remember I said _four_ things?"

"Yeah?" Merlin said tentatively; responding to the change in his master's tone.

"Shut up," Arthur said effectively ending that conversation. "Now, apart from getting all my hunting gear ready, you have to clean my room, walk my dogs; they're getting pretty restless, polish my armor, do my laundry, and clean my boots. And, since we'll be gone for a while you should probably muck out my stables."

With every new item on the list the expression on Merlin's face looked more and more like one he would wear if the world was ending. When Arthur finished with a very self-satisfied smirk, Merlin scowled and said,

"Clotpole."

Arthur scowled in turn and replied with an insult of his own. "Idiot."

"Prat!" At that, instead of trying to come up with a new insult, Arthur, who had long since gotten up from the breakfast table, turned around and picked up the first thing his hands could find and threw it at his manservant.

"Ow!" Merlin said even though the pair of rather smelly, but harmless, pants couldn't possibly have hurt even with _Arthur_ being the pitcher.

"And make sure you get those washed too, Merlin." Arthur finished, crossing his arms in a manner that said: 'you're dismissed.'

"Yes, _sire_." Merlin walked over and dropped the dirty pants in the laundry basket, all the while scrunching his nose up like he was smelling something foul and then promptly picked it up and exited the room.

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><p>As Merlin walked through the castle corridors with a huge basket in his arms, he realized that to some extent he was glad Arthur had ordered that they go on a hunting trip. Ever since he'd gotten into the habit of saving the prat's life he had always been worried that he would go on a patrol or hunting excursion without him. The prince couldn't seem to go a week without someone making an attempt on his life and since it had been about six days since the last one Merlin figured it could happen any day now.<p>

Just a few days ago Arthur had gone on a patrol with some of his knights and he hadn't been allowed to come along because Arthur had stuck him with a bunch of chores and insisted that he stay behind. And even though nothing bad had happened something could've, and that was all Merlin could think about the entire time Arthur was gone.

Merlin didn't know how it had happened. One moment he thought that if the prince died then the world would have one less bully in it. The next moment he had found himself constantly concerned for the safety of a prat! All Merlin knew was that now he had begun saving the prince's life he couldn't stop. Not only would all of it be for nothing, but he would lose someone he cared about. As much as it still pained him to admit it, he knew that Arthur was close to him, perhaps even a friend.

But Merlin was so used to having friendships that went both ways, and even though he would admit that he was Arthur's friend he didn't think Arthur was his.

But the prat _had_ gone on a dangerous quest to save him, but what did that mean?

The warlock continued to puzzle over that question as he washed the clothes with a mixture of hands, water, soap, and a bit of magic since no one was around.

Merlin hated the hunting parts of the hunting trips, but he was glad that he was going. If Arthur was going then Merlin wanted to go as well, that way he could keep an eye on the prince. Not only to protect him but also to make sure he didn't act like too much of a prat. The Great Dragon had said that maybe it was his job to change Arthur, but whether destiny wanted him to or not, Merlin had decided that if he was going to be spending a lot of time around Arthur anyway he might as well try to make him more bearable.

So that was why Merlin would beg Arthur to leave the poor, fluffy animals alone, but he would never ask to stay behind. Besides, in this case Merlin thought that it would be good for Arthur to get out of Camelot, for he had noticed the increase in temper, restlessness, and overall prattishness.

And that's why it was a resigned, but contented heart that Merlin did all of the prince's chores with. However, that quickly changed as he went downstairs to the kitchens to get the food they would need for their five day excursion. Most of the servants who would normally be there getting food would be gone since it wasn't a usual mealtime in the castle. This would mean he would have to face Margaret alone, without any buffers there to protect him.

Margaret was the main cook in the castle, mostly because she had the greatest skill and experience. It was she who would cook all the royal dinners, and it was she whom Merlin feared most in the world. Honestly, though, Merlin liked Margaret a lot, but she had a strong desire to see everyone fed to the point that she deemed to be healthy. So whenever Merlin would go to the kitchens to get Arthur's food she would eye him critically and if he didn't pass her inspection of a well fed boy he would most likely end up with a lecture. And seeing as he never passed he got a talking to every time he saw her.

At least he would if there weren't dozens of other servants around to keep her too busy to do much more than say: "you don't eat enough, start eating better or I'll have to start force-feeding you!"

Margaret was a gentle soul at times, but she was also very passionate and if she thought Merlin was skipping meals, (which he often was,) she would sit him down and make sure he ate every bite of the food she placed before him.

So that was why, as he entered the kitchen, Merlin's heart sank when he saw that there was only one other servant in the room besides him, which in no universe would be enough of a distraction for Margaret to keep her attention away from the too skinny boy.

So Merlin, deciding that he couldn't put it off for ever, slumped his shoulders and walked over to the counter separating Margaret from him. But he stopped walking when he saw that the other servant in the room was Gwen, and for a moment, hope swelled in his heart. Maybe she could help him a bit; get Margaret to back off some, since it was very hard to refuse Gwen anything. But as the young sorcerer saw the formidable cook turn her all-seeing eye on his lanky form and Gwen give him an apologetic smile he knew that he was on his own.

Gwen rushed past him mumbling something like "sorry" as Margaret gave him a stern look that said '_come here now.'_ He gulped and went over to face the scolding and copious amounts of food he would most assuredly be given.

Margaret was an intimidating person for several reasons. Firstly, because she was big, which in itself was because of a combination of a large bone structure, plumpness, and the four or five aprons that were tied around her waist. Secondly, because she was in her forties and had obviously lived through the Great Purge, which if nothing else gave a person character. Thirdly, because she had somehow learned Gaius's signature eyebrow raise, so you felt like you had _both_ of them frowning at you. And fourthly, because she would order almost anybody around when it came to food, including Arthur.

But despite all of her supposed harshness, everything she did she did for others. So even though Merlin feared her lectures he knew they came from the heart.

"Merlin, my goodness boy, don't you ever eat? Maybe I should go upstairs and talk to that physician about how to properly feed someone who obviously would starve to death if left alone. Honestly, you serve the prince; you'd think the least you could afford to do is eat enough. Come here and sit down, if I have to fatten you up all by myself then I will."

Yep, that's Margaret.

Merlin tried to protest as the plump woman pushed him into a chair. "Really, I'm fine, Margaret, I eat plenty. You don't need to—"

The cook cut him off, "Yes I do, since no one else seems to notice how pale and thin, and downright ill-looking you are. And if you won't do anything to help yourself then I guess it's up to the rest of us to keep you alive." She gave him a pointed look as she placed a plate _heaped_ with food in front of him. "Seriously, what is that prince _or_ that guardian of yours thinking letting you go back to work before you're fully healed. All one has to do is look at you to see that nearly _dying_ had a negative effect on your health."

_Is that why_, Merlin thought, _all the servants have been extra nice to me lately? And why Gwen wouldn't even help me out with Margaret? Do they think I'm still sick? That I need Margaret's _help _with getting better?_

Oblivious to Merlin's inner questions; Margaret continued ranting. "It's a miracle that you haven't passed out yet from exhaustion or hunger. I mean, really, it's a wonder you're still alive when no one seems to want to help you get better. You know," she said, her tone changing somewhat, "you're a kind person, Merlin, and you deserve some recognition for what you do."

Merlin's head shot up from the plate of food he'd been trying get away with not eating at this. Did she know about his magic? About all he had done for the prince? If so then why hadn't she turned him in yet?

"You give help anyone who needs it, and even some who don't. You're kind, even to those who aren't always kind to you. You're always willing to listen to a person's problems even though you have more than enough of your own; having to deal with the prince and all that." She paused for a moment to chuckle. "One of the first things you did after coming to Camelot was to stand up for someone who was too afraid to stand up for himself. You even tried to give your life for both Gwen and Arthur on two different occasions. You deserve a lot better than you get, Merlin, and though there a lot of things in this world that aren't fair, the lack of respect and love you get is, in my opinion, the un-fairest."

At first Merlin had felt relieved that Margaret still knew nothing about his magic, but then the relief had turned into embarrassment and more than a little happiness as the words of this completely different rant sunk in. And as the energetic woman finished a smile crossed Merlin's face that had nothing to do with something funny, or a prank he wished he could play on Arthur. In fact, this particular smile was one that rarely ever crossed his features; one of pure, total, joy.

And even though that smile began to fade as the day went by, the memory of that moment of recognition, that small taste of what it felt like to be praised honestly and fully for something he had never hoped to get praise for remained inside him for the rest of his life. And from then on, that moment and others like it was what he thought of when his life became dark or scary. Whenever he needed comforting he'd think of how it felt…and he would smile.

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><p><strong>Aww, i loved and hated writing this chapter. The part with Merlin and Arthur was hard, but i think it turned out decent. I hope you all enjoyed reading the ending as much as i LOVED writing it. Fun fact: i was told the other day that apparently they don't say <em>clotpole<em> they say _clodpole_ since it is an actual word in actual books. So apparently we've all been getting it wrong, but i don't care, i'm still going to write clotpole because that is how i will always think of that word being spelled and pronounced. I plan on updating every other day if i can, but unfortunatly i don't think i'll be able to update for another two days but i'll try. Hopefully i can still make my not-so-long-lived quota. So once again please review and give me any tips or critiscism that you think i could use. As long as it's helpful. Well, bye for now!**


	3. Grumpiness, Thoughts, Gaius, and Uther

**I know, two chapters in the same day! What is wrong with me? I suppose i'm trying to make up for the next two days of non-writing that i'm probably going to be doing. Anyway, thank you to everyone who reads and reviews. Also, i just realized that i haven't done the disclaimer yet, but i will now. **

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything but a few OC's and a couple of ideas, everything else belongs to someone else. I am not writing this in order to make any other profit than the pleasure of myself and others, as well as praise for my God. Please don't sue, i have nothing but my pretty hair. _

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><p>After Merlin had eaten everything that Margaret had forced into him, and she had told him to take better care of himself, he was given the food for the trip he'd asked for, (and probably a little extra,) and went on his way.<p>

He was still glowing from the praise he had been given when he bumped, (literally,) into Arthur.

The prince looked him over for a moment; taking in his smile and protruding stomach as well as the lack of dirt or smell on him. Then he said,

"Merlin, did I or did I not tell you to muck out my stables?" Without waiting for an answer he continued, "Instead of listening to me you seemed to have rested and relaxed while _my_ horses are still stuck out there in that filth. Go and do it now, and what did I say about the smiling?"

"You told me to stop, though why I should suffer just because you're in a bad mood continues to puzzle me. And I have not just rested and sat around; I cleaned your room, polished your armor, and managed to get the food for the next five days. And I'll have you know that I was _coerced_ into sitting down."

Even though Merlin's tone was indignant both he and Arthur knew it was just the same old banter that always went on between them. Which is why Arthur really couldn't be _too_ insulted by Merlin's tone or words, and Merlin didn't believe that Arthur honestly thought he was _entirely_ lazy.

"You were coerced?" _Since when did Merlin use words like that?_ He wondered."Who forced you?" Arthur asked, even though by the look of Merlin's tummy he had a pretty good idea of whom.

"Margaret, she wouldn't let me leave until she was confident that I had eaten more than a cow does in an entire year!" He looked down and rubbed his stomach as if to comfort it.

Arthur was secretly grateful to the slightly scary woman; if only she force-fed him more often then maybe he wouldn't be so unnaturally thin. "You didn't seem too put out when you ran into me. In fact, you were grinning like the idiot you are!" Merlin pouted at this. "So, now that Margaret has insured that you will have no remotely reasonable excuse to pass out like a little girl anytime within the next eight hours, will you go and muck out my stables?"

Merlin looked like he might deliver one of his usual insults, but instead he gave a theatrically deep bow that in no way resembled anything respectful. "Yes, sire!" he said, once again without anything but rudeness in his voice, though the smile that was still on his face continued to get bigger.

Arthur just couldn't let a thing like that go. No way. So he after he slapped Merlin on the back of his head, not too hard though since he didn't want any more brains cells dying, he said to him in his most prattish voice, "Just for that, _Mer_lin, you have to draw me a bath, get the dents out of the armor I used today, and wait on me at dinner tonight with my father. And you'd better not come smelling like the horses." He smirked and waited for Merlin to give in, for he knew he had won this round.

Merlin knew it too and after a scowl and a muttering of the word 'prat,' he slipped into the obedient servant mode he uses when he's lost another verbal battle. Satisfied that he had won, Arthur turned to walk away, then turned back and said,

"Oh, and Merlin, if you skimp or skive off _any_ of your duties I'll _know_ about it, and then you'll have to do them all over again." And with that he walked away leaving a grumpy Merlin behind in his wake.

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><p>The rest of the day passed quickly for Arthur and agonizingly slowly for Merlin. He'd had to do so many chores that his arms ached, his back ached, his legs ached, and even his magic seemed to ache. His stomach ached too, but he believed that that particular pain came from the large amounts of food that had been shoved into his mouth earlier that day.<p>

And so it was that an exhausted, dirty, and all around grumpy Merlin trudged into the physician's chambers, much to the surprise of the physician.

"Merlin, what happened to you? You look like death itself!" exclaimed Gaius.

"Arthur," was all the boy said as he went up the short steps to his room and, upon entering, flopped on his bed.

"What did you do?" Gaius asked warily once he was standing at the foot of the tiny cot.

Merlin briefly lifted up his head to not-quite-but-almost-look at his guardian. "Why do you always assume that it's something _I_ did? Why can't it have been Arthur just being his normal prat-of-a-prince self?" And once more the head flopped down, nearly missing the bed in the process.

"Because, despite what you think, Arthur wouldn't cause that," he gestured to the ragged, limp form in front of him, "without you first having done something to provoke him. Besides, I know how annoying you can be when you wish to, Merlin."

They both knew what he was talking about. When Merlin was recovering from the poison that had almost killed him he had been a constant nuisance. At first he had just begged to be allowed to leave his room. And once he had accomplished that he had endeavored to go back to work, something Gaius wouldn't hear of. That is, until he started to fear for his own sanity. Merlin would whine and complain, and babble on and on nonstop. Eventually Gaius had resorted to drugging Merlin just so he would stop talking. And since the physician couldn't leave his quarters without the young boy attempting to escape, he'd had no other choice. But he ended up paying for his few hours of precious silence by even worse babble once the boy had woken up.

The warlock was more physically drained than he had been in years, there was no doubting that. The poison, which had been enhanced with magic, had taken a great toll on his system. The first day and a half after the event had seen Merlin still in great amounts of pain, even though he had tried to hide it. The dark poison and even darker magic had gone so far as to mark the poor young boy.

But no matter how bad he felt, Merlin had continued to pester him. Why, the court physician had no idea for the boy seemed to hate all the work both he and Arthur gave him and still he'd rather go back to it than be cooped up. And as he looked at the boy who had saved basically everyone in Camelot at least once, who had still not recovered from the last time he saved a person's life, and remembered how he had given in and continued to give in to Merlin's pestering ways, he felt…ashamed. Something he felt every morning when he tried to get Merlin to rest and failed.

And now looking at Merlin he knew the annoying sorcerer had done the same thing to Arthur, though perhaps not intentionally. Arthur had, if only slightly, been going easier on him.

No matter what Merlin thinks, Arthur does notice things; though sometimes he does purposefully ignore things he can't explain or doesn't want to think about. But he noticed Merlin, and Gaius had, in turn, noticed how much Arthur just wanted to tell the boy to rest, but the prince's pride would get in the way and he would just stay silent.

Gaius wondered when both Arthur and Merlin would realize that their friend is more important than their ego. Probably a while from now, he guessed.

Just then, Gaius was brought out of his musings by Merlin getting up, if a bit slowly and sluggishly.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I need to take a bath." At Gaius' still confused look considering that he'd never take a bath if he was this tired, he added, "As part of my _punishment_ Arthur said I'd have to _attend_ him at his dinner with the king tonight. Though why he is incapable of pouring his own wine is beyond me. Oh, and I, the lucky servant that I am, get to go on a hunting trip in the morning with Arthur." And with that Merlin stalked off to wash up leaving Gaius still wondering what the warlock could have _possibly_ done to annoy Arthur _this_ bad.

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><p>Arthur was <em>trying<em> not to look guilty during the supper with his father. But it was really hard since the object of his guilt was standing right behind him; _just _in his line of vision.

He had been paying attention to what his father was saying up until the moment he realized how _drained _Merlin looked. And then of course he realized what had caused the weariness; _him_. He had given him all of those chores when he had known, and even been a _bit _worried about how tired the boy looked.

But in all fairness it was hard to think of him as an invalid when he still seemed so happy and energetic. And Arthur had to admit that that was one of the things that intrigued him about Merlin. No matter how bad he is feeling, no matter how dismal the future may seem the servant always seemed to have hope and joy, even if it was sometimes a little buried.

And so, considering all that, it was hard to remember sometimes that things weren't always alright with him. Even now the manservant tried to look as cheerful and energetic as was appropriate to look in the presence of the king. It was obvious that the boy was bored, but that didn't stop him exuding an aura of joy.

Arthur pulled himself back to the conversation he was having with his father, he couldn't think about Merlin right now, that would only get him in trouble. No, think about _possibly_ apologizing later. And as he tried to get back into the flow of what his father was saying he almost wished he hadn't since the man had turned to the subject of one of the very things that had been bothering Arthur of .

"There have been a few rumors circulating amongst the people that there's a new sorcerer in Camelot, but since there have been no talk of the _man's _whereabouts there's not much more we can do but send out patrols. It may just be idle gossip. However, Arthur, if he is real, and if there is information as to his location the knights should be more than capable of finding him and taking him down. There should be no great need of your skills while you are away. Still, I wish you to be vigilant while you're gone in case the sorcerer should try to come after you."

"Of course, father, I shall keep an eye out for him." Arthur replied, honestly not sure what he would do should he see anything concerning magic. Not that he'd let his father know that.

"I know you will, I have every confidence in your abilities, Arthur." Uther smiled slightly and then took a drink and therefore didn't notice how Arthur didn't seem to lap up the praise like he normally did. But Merlin did notice.

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><p>It wasn't until after the dinner was over that both boys could allow themselves to think about all they had seen and heard that night, since they couldn't very well let Uther know what they'd been thinking.<p>

Arthur puzzled about better ways to get Merlin to rest that didn't involve showing that he cared. And about what he would do if he came upon a sorcerer in the forest, _I mean, what if it was the one that had sent the orb of light? Do I kill him for using magic to save me?_

While Merlin wondered about how Arthur had reacted at dinner to Uther's comments and praise. _Was it possible that the prat is learning to think for himself; to except magic? Is it possible that he no longer craves his father's praise and love?_

And as both of them went to bed exhausted, though for different reasons, they both had the same, solitary thought: _I don't know what I think, but maybe I can find out while hunting tomorrow. It's going to be a big day._

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><p><strong>Ah, this chapter is done so now i can take a break from writing for two days. Which means that when i come back my mind should be refreshed and ready to write some more. I hope. Sparkling reviews should help with that, hint, hint. Well, i hope you will all enjoy, hopefully the next chapter will see them <em>actually<em> on the hunting trip, not just talking about it. See ya soon!**


	4. Still not hunting, but close

**I know I said it would be a little longer than this before my next update, but I thought I'd give you a nice little gift. I'm not _entirely_ happy with the way this chapter came out, but since it was written in tiny incriments over a two day period i suppose it kinda makes sense. I hope you still like it, and yes, I _do_ plan on having the action coming soon. Thank you to all who reviewed, it's always appreciated. I will have some free time to write over the next two days and I was wondering if all ya'll readers out there want me to focus entirely on this story or start a new one? I could do some nice little oneshots or begin a full-length story. I could do _Sherlock, Merlin, Psych, Stargate: SG1, Doctor Who _or perhaps something else. What do all you wonderful people who are kind enough to waste your time on _my_ story, (I know, mind-blowing, right?) want? Review and let me know. **

**And now, the chapter you all haven't been waiting for...**

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><p>Bright and painfully early the next morning Arthur was up and already at the stables. He couldn't leave yet, however, because a certain manservant was ridiculously late. Again. Honestly, what was wrong with him? Maybe he really did have a mental condition. <em>Yeah,<em> he thought grimly,_ it's called 'no self-preservation.' _

And just then the tardy boy in question appeared racing around a corner with two packs: one on his back and the other in his arms. The pack in his arms was so big that Arthur doubted Merlin could see much over it. And just as he came to realization of what not being able to see where he is going could mean for the abnormally clumsy servant, _it_ happened. Merlin tripped over his own feet and fell in a jumbled mess onto the ground; taking the provisions with him.

Or at least he would've if Leon, who must've realized the same thing that Arthur had, and who was fortunately closer, hadn't lunged forward and grabbed Merlin with two strong arms and kept him from landing in an undignified heap on the ground.

He righted the lazy idiot and took the pack that was partially to blame for the almost-mishap.

Merlin dusted himself off and then held out his arms, seemingly to take back the troublesome parcel, but Leon shook his head. Though Arthur was still a little ways away he could make out the words that came out of the knight's mouth if he tried. And what he heard only served to widen the smile that had been growing bigger and bigger with each passing second.

"Uh-huh, Merlin, if I were to give you this back it would only cause you to fall once again, and I doubt either of us, or _Arthur_ for that matter, want to see what would've happened if I hadn't grabbed you. Your head would be bruised and so would Arthur's things; am I correct in thinking this is his pack?" Leon looked at Merlin like a kind, older brother would; slightly amused and slightly reproachful. And his tone was that of someone who was gently trying to teach a lesson.

Merlin ducked and nodded his head as if he was resigned to his fate of being terminally clumsy. "You're probably right, but you shouldn't carry that; you're a knight. I can come back for it." Merlin looked slightly awkward, something Arthur, personally, found funny. The idiot had no problem mouthing off to the prince and future king of Camelot, but felt weird if a knight carried something for him.

Leon seemed to be thinking the same thing; after all, there wasn't a single knight that hadn't seen the way Merlin behaved around his _supposed_ master. The knight just shook his head as if to say _'I can't believe this boy,'_ and replied,

"No, it's alright since its Arthur's bag. I _have_ sworn to protect, honor, and serve him after all." They started walking towards Arthur, who wasn't even _attempting_ to hide the fact that he was listening, where he was standing near his horse. Why should he? He's a prince.

"And I'm sure that includes protecting the armor, weapons, and supply of food that he will need for the next few days." Leon smiled.

Much like Merlin, you couldn't help but like Leon. He is kind, loyal, and is nice to everyone until he is given a reason not to be. Out of all the knights he is perhaps the most even-tempered. He doesn't have the cheerful disposition that Merlin has, but neither does he have a horrible temper. All in all, Leon is the most open-minded of all the knights. And in the past Arthur may have gone to him with his questions or doubts. But not anymore; not for something like this. Merlin is the only one who will understand. _How sad is that?_

By now they had reached Arthur, and as Merlin placed the pack that his shoulders were carrying the brunt of on his own mare Leon handed him the other, which was promptly placed on the prince's horse.

"You're late, Merlin, and don't think I missed your little stunt with my things a few minutes ago. Really, I wonder why I haven't fired you yet." Arthur said; true to form.

Leon just stood back and watched the drama unfold as it usually did.

"Actually, you have," said, smirking a little.

Arthur paused for a moment; feeling a bit guilty. "Yes, well…that was for completely different reasons. Maybe I should have let you stay fired so I wouldn't have to put up with all of your ridiculousness. My life would be a lot easier if I had." The prince raised his head pompously and swung himself into his saddle.

"Maybe your life would be easier, but the last thing your ego needs is a bootlicker. In fact, I bet I'm doing a s_ervice_ to this kingdom by keeping you from being a _total_ prat." And with that he climbed into his own saddle, due to his clumsiness though, it was with far less dignity than Arthur.

Without turning around to look at his servant said prat replied, "Merlin, shut up," he turned towards the noble, "Leon, we shall be gone for a two days, three at the most. If we are gone any longer you shall know something is wrong."

"Yes, sire."

"Wait just a moment," Merlin said, sounding incredulous, "I thought you said we were going to be gone for _five_ days? I packed for _five_ days. You said nothing about only _two!_"

"_Mer_lin," Arthur said, as if the reason was perfectly clear, "since you have a completely different idea of what is an acceptable amount of food for a prince to eat, I believed it would be in the best interest of _not_ starving to tell you to pack for five days of hunting. _Now,_ we have been delayed by your foolishness long enough, let's go." And with that the future king began trotting away on his horse, albeit; slowly.

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><p>Merlin looked like he was going to follow when he was stopped by a hand on his arm. <em>"Merlin,"<em> Leon said. The warlock was surprised at the many different emotions he heard in the man's tone. There was the desire to not be overheard by Arthur, a hint of friendship, hesitance, but most of all...confidence. "I want you to know that I trust you."

Though Merlin knew that there was no reason to think that the nobleman knew his secret he still felt uneasy at his words.

"What?" He was also more than a little confused.

The knight looked briefly at Arthur then turned back to look straight into Merlin's eyes, as if he didn't want the boy to miss a word he was going to say.

"You have only been here for a few months and already you have saved Arthur's life several times. You've even drunk poison for him. You may not be a knight, but you have the courage and loyalty of one. You know as well as I that there are many who wish to end the prince's life. He is a skilled fighter and can take care of himself, but even he is not perfect and needs protecting sometimes.

"Even with all of our training you have managed to save him when we cannot. And we all know you have no skill with a sword." Merlin looked slightly affronted at this, but then seemed to realize that it was the truth and once more looked resigned.

"And though I wish that prince Arthur would take some of us knights with him, I have to admit that if I could choose any one person to go with him, other than myself, I would choose you. For I know you will do everything in your power to keep him safe. And that is all any of us can do.

"And therefore; the knights, me included, have decided to place our trust in you to do whatever you can for him." He paused for a moment here; as if he was unsure whether or not he should say the next words. Obviously he had come to some kind of decision for he continued talking, though perhaps a bit quieter.

"And I want you to know that, in my book, you are a knight; for you have proven yourself to be one." He smiled and released Merlin's arm. "Now, you should probably go catch up to prince Arthur." He turned his head to look at the slowly retreating form of the man whose life the knight was placing in merlin's hands.

Merlin followed the noble's gaze and thought about what he had been told. In the last twenty four hours alone he had had two people tell him something that he'd never dared to hope to hear. But instead of being overjoyed at the words, he felt strangely contented. Because he knew that having a knight trust him was not only an honor, but, perhaps more importantly, an acknowledgement of the responsibility that was on his shoulders. And while he would protect Arthur with his life with or without the consent of Camelot's knights, he knew that he was being totally and completely, for the next two days anyway, given the burden of looking out for him.

If Merlin had thought it was too late to back out of his supposed "destiny" before then it was most definitely out of the question now. The knights had put their trust in him. And he had no intention of letting them down. If he did he would be skinned alive.

And so Merlin nodded to Leon and said simply, "Thank you." And then he spurred his horse on and tried to catch up with his master and friend feeling oddly free and yet weighty at the same time.

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><p>As Arthur was riding towards the outskirts of Camelot, presumably with his lazy manservant behind him, he thought and wondered about two things, neither of which was particularly pleasant. Which reminded him, <em>since when do I think so freaking much?<em>

The first being: what on earth had Merlin and his most trusted knight been talking about not ten minutes ago?

He had known that there was something on Leon's mind and that it probably concerned Merlin, after all, what didn't these days? But that still didn't answer his question of what Leon would've had to discuss with the lazy oaf that barely passed for a manservant.

The second thought plaguing Arthur's mind was, in fact, a memory of his last conversation with Gaius. The man had been very worried about his ward and had come to ask something of him; a request he couldn't refuse.

"_It's just that the boy has no thought for himself if he thinks that a small thing like self-preservation could possibly bring harm or discomfort to anyone. Only when everyone else is happy and content will he think about himself. And while I worry about him normally I think that, after everything that's happened…"—**"**_**Arthur, are you thinking?** 'Cause I have to admit that if that's the case then I may have lost a bet. I thought that the day when you actually start thinking would never come."

And just like that _Merlin's_ voice cut through Arthur's memory of Gaius and the request that he had made.

"_Merlin!_ I'll have you know that I think probably a lot more than a simple _peasant_ like yourself has in your _entire_ lifetime. A future king has to think in order to run his kingdom." Although a bit disoriented Arthur hadn't missed a beat.

"Well, _normally_ yes, but in your case I'm afraid Camelot's doomed."

"Merlin, shut up, you're annoying."

And for once Merlin did, though Arthur later would come to the conclusion that it was the boy's strange ability to sense when something bad was about to happen. Because just then; they left the safety of Camelot's walls and entered the forest where they were going to _hunt. _Never before had a trip been so wrongly named.

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><p><strong>Well, I hope you're happy with it. I am not a huge fan of Leon myself but I like him well enough. But I thought that all you Leon fans out there might like a bit of him. Anyway, what do you think of my characters so far? I think I did Uther and Gaius pretty well but I'm still a little iffy on Leon since he never says more than ten words at a time in the show. I realize that some of the writing was weird since i kept changing pronouns, but it's hard writing third person while talking about another person in the present tense. Though, I'm sure that other fanfiction writers have to go through the same thing and I'm just the only one having problems with it. Oh, well, I'm still young and have plenty of time to learn. I know that most of you were probably hoping to get to the actual <em>"hunting"<em> by this point, and to be honest with you, so was I. But the next chapter should have that. It will probably be a few more chapters till the whump, but until then you can look forward to more bromance. So...read, review, and please _review. _I could use some more motivation. Bye for now!**


	5. To Be a Prat Or Not To Be

**I'm sorry, I meant to get this up yesterday, but with writing a new oneshot and all the writing I've been doing lately anyway I suppose my brain sort of fried. Not to mention tha fact that I had to rewrite this chapter 'cause i didn't like the way it turned out. I'm still not entirely happy with it but I hope you like better than I do. I also realize that its shorter than normal, don't worry, I plan on updating again real soon. If I'm lucky; maybe even today. Thank you for all the loverly reviews; they really do help with my motivation and overall confidence. Warning: First swear word in this chapter, though, I suppose it depends on what you call swearing. Anyways...here you are!**

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><p><em>Previously: "Merlin, shut up, you're annoying."<em>

_And for once Merlin did, though Arthur later would come to the conclusion that it was the boy's strange ability to sense when something bad was about to happen. Because just then; they left the safety of Camelot's walls and entered the forest where they were going to __hunt. __Never before had a trip been so wrongly named._

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><p>In fact <em>it<em> was because something felt off that Merlin kept quiet. He didn't quite understand what he was feeling, but on more than one occasion he'd had the strange sensation of a cold chill trying to consume his magic that he had learned to listen to. Because not long after something bad would happen.

The most recent, and by far the worst, occurrence of this rather nauseating feeling had been when Arthur had held up that stupid hat he _apparently _had to wear at the treaty banquet. He had thought at the time that the feeling had just been associated with idea of wearing that _thing_, but had, all too late, realized its true meaning.

Merlin had often wondered if he had some tiny sense of precognition; just the smallest ability to see the future. If perhaps his magic was so powerful that it allowed him to know when something bad was coming. Or perhaps it was just his magic sensing things or people of magical power. Or maybe, currently, it was just the exhaustion catching up with him. He really didn't know. But in any of those cases Merlin decided that the sooner this hunting trip ended the better.

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><p>The day passed by like any other hunting day, well, it would've if it hadn't been for how tired Merlin looked and probably felt.<p>

Arthur was rather mad at himself. After all, he had known how tired the boy was after all the stupid chores he'd given him yesterday. He'd known that the boy would work himself until he dropped _despite_ all outward appearances. But he had gotten caught up in the annoying mask that Merlin put on; he'd focused only on what the idiot had wanted him to see, but not what was really there. Merlin looked like he shouldn't be able to walk, which was probably why he wasn't currently moving.

A few minutes ago Merlin had fallen like the clumsy nut-head that he is, but this time he hadn't gotten up. Arthur of course hadn't realized it until he noticed that his ears were no longer ringing from the noises that Merlin made. Probably because he wasn't making any noises at all.

Arthur rushed back to where he'd last heard Merlin and sure enough; he was there. He was awake and looked perfectly _capable_ of getting up, yet he _hadn't_.

"Merlin, _what_ are you doing?" Arthur asked, afraid of the answer, after all; it _was_ Merlin.

"Oh, Arthur, I'm just…lying here."

"And why are you doing that?" Arthur asked suspiciously.

"Because I…don't feel like getting up." Merlin sounded like this was a really uncomfortable situation for him. And no wonder; he was lying on the ground.

"Don't feel like or can't get up, Merlin?" By now Arthur was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Maybe a little bit of both since you look kind of angry?" Merlin stated it as a question; probably wondering if it was safer to stay on the ground.

Signing, Arthur looked around. It was only a few hours before sunset; they would've been heading back to the camp soon anyway. Arthur reached down first to pull the few dead rabbits and weapons off the boy so he could carry them himself, and then he grabbed Merlin's hand in own strong grip and heaved the boy up. But the thing that bothered Arthur the most was not having to carry his own weapons and kills, it was not having to end today's hunting a little early. No, what was bothering Arthur was how easy it was to lift Merlin up; no one but a little baby should be that light.

Arthur knew he was a strong person; after all, that was how he was able to carry everything that Merlin normally carried as well as support Merlin himself. But no matter how strong he was he'd always had a good sense of weight, and that boy was far, far too easy to lift. He'd have to do something about that.

Slowly they hobbled their way back to the camp, which still had to be set up, with Merlin carrying about a quarter of his weight and Arthur carrying all the rest. They didn't say anything to each other; partially because Arthur was concentrating on getting them back before it got dark, but mostly because he was trying, really_ trying_, not to yell at Merlin. Or perhaps at himself.

He'd gone on this trip after all to get the idiot to rest and to figure some things out. Honestly, he'd basically already told the whole kingdom that the boy was his friend when he'd gone and gotten that cure for him. But instead of figuring out what he believed, or making sure Merlin got some proper rest; he'd worked the boy into the ground, literally. It was just so hard to remember that he was more than a ridiculous servant when he always acted like one.

He'd known that bringing Merlin along would make it almost impossible to kill anything on this trip, so what had been the point of everything so far? He had made a promise to Gaius and he planned on keeping it, starting now. So he'd stop going around and around in circles with this constant berating of himself and get Merlin to the camp where he could lay down.

And just like that they were there. Well, actually it had taken a few more minutes after Arthur's resolution.

He set Merlin down and began setting up the camp, and even though he wasn't as practiced as a servant might be; he still was able to do it fairly quickly. So when the fire had been started and food was cooking over it, and the bedrolls that they would be sleeping on had been laid down; Arthur finally spoke.

"What in the name of all the idiots in the world were you thinking, Merlin? If you felt like you couldn't walk then why didn't you tell me?"

He and Arthur were currently sitting on the opposite side of the warm fire. Thank goodness Merlin was feeling good enough to sit on his own now, since Arthur didn't think he'd be able to shout at someone who couldn't so much as sit without someone propping him up.

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><p>Merlin, on the other hand, had known this was coming. Ever since Arthur hadn't so much as called him an idiot for falling down he'd <em>known<em> that the prince was angry. So when the prat finally said something he flinched in anticipation of what was to come. What he hadn't expected was Arthur's supposed reason for being angry.

He in turn felt angry, shocked, and more than a little incredulous at the words that came out of his mouth. He'd had every intention of taking the verbal beating meekly; considering the fact that he didn't feel good enough to argue, something that was a bit of a first for him. But when Arthur had actually asked all those stupid questions Merlin had somehow managed to find the energy.

"What was I thinking? I was thinking that if I told you that I didn't feel well you'd tell me to stop being a girl. To toughen up. To stop being a lazy idiot!" Merlin normally didn't let any of the insults Arthur threw his way bother him, but when he'd had the gall to ask a question that _he_ was the cause of the answer…it bothered him to say the least.

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><p>Arthur stared; dumbfounded. Merlin had never yelled at him like that before. He'd seen the boy get a bit angry; he'd heard the insults and jokes the boy would make at his expense. But he'd never seen <em>Merlin<em> like this before. _Merlin_ didn't get angry. He'd get annoyed sure, but everyone gets annoyed.

And the worse bit of it was; Merlin was _right._ If he hadn't been paying attention lately to the boy's health then he probably would've called him all those things and more. Looking at Merlin now; with his head in his hands and his shoulders slumped as if they had the weight of the world on them; Arthur knew one thing for certain.

Everything in his life seemed to have been turned upside down in the last few weeks alone, and yet, when he was with Merlin that didn't seem to bother him. And that was because Merlin was his friend; was the only true friend he'd ever had even though Arthur wasn't so sure that he; Prince Arthur, acted like his.

And as Merlin lifted his head up and Arthur held out a plate of food to him; Arthur knew one thing for certain, just one thing.

He was a complete and utter _ass_ for acting this way. So he said the only thing he could say,

"Merlin, you're right…and I'm sorry."

"_What?"_

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><p><strong>I know; evil meanie clifhanger, but I really do plan on updating soon so don't worry. As always review and tell me what you thought. Tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I did right, and anyone who does will get a package of mental chocolate, (note: mental chocolate or <em>mind chocolate<em> as it is sometimes known as can be unpredicable and often gets lost in the mental mail.) Until next time...**


	6. True Friend

**I'm sorry that this chapter is so late, but I really didn't make any promises as to when i'd update, so please don't hate me. But I did make up for it by not only making it like two thirds longer, (not including a/n's,) than my usual chapters, but by also getting in some whump. Not a whole lot of whump, but some. Ah, I really enjoyed writing this chapter since it had several of the scenes that I was looking orward to in it. I hope you all like it as well. The main whump is not too much farther away so you should be happy. This does contain a swear word or two in it as well so beware. I don't know when my next update will be, it all kinda depends on motivation, time, and overall brain rottage. Cranking out this chapter may take its toll. Anyway, please remember to review, 'cause that scene with Merlin smiling in the earlier chapter is taken off of my reaction to praise. Hope you like!**

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_And as Merlin lifted his head up and Arthur held out a plate of food to him; Arthur knew one thing for certain, just one thing._

_He was a complete and utter __ass__ for acting this way. So he said the only thing he could say,_

_"Merlin, you're right…and I'm sorry."_

_"__What?"_

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><p>Merlin hadn't really meant to yell at Arthur; he'd just had a really hard day. It had begun like most others; with him being a tired, underappreciated, servant who nearly dropped his master's things. But as the day had worn on Merlin had felt increasingly…well…bad. Of course he'd had Gaius, Margaret, and even Gwen tell him sometime within the last two days to take it easy. Unfortunately, that was very easy when your master was Arthur Pendragon. Arthur wouldn't take Merlin telling him he wasn't feeling good very well, especially taking into consideration the horrible and altogether restless mood he had been in lately. Really, you'd think that saving a man's life would at least cheer him up.<p>

Though, if Merlin was really being fair he'd have to admit that Arthur had usually been grumpy to his knights or anyone who got in his way, but not to his servant. In fact, their relationship seemed to be getting better lately, Merlin even started to consider the fact that the Great Dragon might not have been _entirely_ wrong.

But today, Merlin had decided, was Arthur's day. The prince had been getting very restless and apparently hunting would get rid of that. Merlin had even resolved to not scare away as many animals as usual. However; that hadn't worked out so well when his body started feeling far too heavy and his eyesight had started getting blurry.

Merlin had been confused; there was no way he should feel this heavy, like he was carrying the armor and weapons of every knight in Camelot. In fact, he hadn't even been carrying all of Arthur's weapons. Merlin had been confused then too, that is, until he figured out the real reason for Arthur being remotely nice to him.

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><p><em>Arthur went over and grabbed a few of his weapons from his pack. He didn't hand them to Merlin; instead he acted like he planned on carrying them. Merlin wondered if perhaps he was sick? Or, maybe, he'd been bashed on the head too many times in training. Had some sorcerer cast a spell on him?<em>

_When Arthur realized that neither had Merlin moved so much as an inch in an attempt to get off his horse, but was also looking at him like he'd grown two heads; he said, "What?"_

"_Nothing," Merlin replied, and then seemed to rethink his statement. "Actually, there is something, yes. Who are you and what have you done with Arthur? The prat I know would never carry anything that he didn't have to!" He looked at his master in disbelief; as if he couldn't understand what Arthur had been thinking._

"_What? Do you want to carry all of this?" he gestured towards his pack, "The Merlin _I_ know complains when he has to do even the slightest amount of work. I simply thought I would save myself the headache that always follows when you start whining and carry a few things." _

_And it looked like Arthur's lie might have convinced the thin boy as he slid off his mare, tied both horses up, and gathered up the rest of Arthur's weapons. That is, it seemed like it would work until Merlin walked up to his prince and asked matter-of-factly,_

"_Gaius asked you to keep an eye out for me, didn't he?"_

* * *

><p>Merlin had smiled at Arthur's reaction. Apparently he wasn't the only one Gaius could scare the crap out of when he wanted to. And he had left it at that. Arthur was simply trying not to give Gaius a reason for poisoning some of his food when they got back. Which come to think of it, it would be quite ironic; considering recent events. He had never even thought that maybe he had provided the answer for the prat; that maybe he had an ulterior motive for helping his servant.<p>

And Merlin was extra glad as the few weapons and innocent victims he was carrying began to feel like lead that Arthur had heeded Gaius' words.

Merlin had at one point panicked when he'd realized that he hadn't heard Arthur's annoyed shouts at the sounds he was making as he walked in a little while. But then as he saw what could only be the prat's blond head, albeit a blurry one, he'd calmed down. After all, the reason he hadn't heard anything had been because his ears for some reason weren't working, and that was no _real_ reason to worry.

Of course, somewhere in the back of his mind Merlin had known how _nuts_ that sounded. Had known that he should be worried at how little he could see; about the black spots dancing across his vision, about how he couldn't hear a single thing, and most assuredly about how much his head _hurt. _But that part of his mind just wasn't loud enough, though, to get through the haze that was clouding it.

He'd been going on autopilot for a while; walking and getting up when he fell down, when the autopilot had decided to shut off. And that's when he had fallen and found himself incapable of getting up.

He'd only been lying there for a few minutes when his brain had started to clear; it's amazing what a few moments rest can do. Then Arthur had come running back and Merlin had wished that his mind had remained foggy, at least then he wouldn't have to explain his awkward situation to the prince who would probably laugh. Because even though he could now think, he still wasn't able to walk.

He had been surprised, though, when the prince hadn't laughed or yelled, or even called him a moron. Maybe he had been right; perhaps Arthur was sick.

Sick or not the prat had still been able to carry him; another awkward experience he'd rather do without. And even when they'd reached the camp and Arthur had laid him down on his temporary bed he still hadn't so much as asked what had happened. Instead he had just forced some nuts and water, which he had presumably found in one of the bags, down his throat.

It was only after the prince had managed to skin the rabbits and put them over the fire that he finally said something.

But it hadn't been what he'd expected. He'd expected to be called all sorts of names and to be told never to interrupt the _prince's_ hunting trip again. In all honesty, though, Merlin had expected to be called all those things way before that. He knew that Arthur would sometimes fume before he started yelling, but usually not for long. The clotpole normally couldn't hold his anger in for any lengthy amount of time. So why he'd waited to start shouting for _so_ long was a mystery to Merlin. It was almost like the prince was concerned with his servant's health; a ridiculous notion that only seemed supported by what Arthur had eventually said.

Apparently Arthur had only gotten angry because Merlin hadn't told him he was feeling poorly, not that he'd interfered with his day. And that really confused Merlin. Even though Arthur had gone to get the cure when he'd drank the poison, Merlin had always thought that was because Arthur, underneath the prattish exterior, was a noble man. Arthur really did have a good heart and therefore didn't want to see his servant die. But that's all it was. Though he would always be Arthur's friend Merlin seriously doubted if Arthur would ever be his. Especially if he found out about his magic.

Overcoming his pride would involve far too much work for the prince to ever become an ordinary servant's friend.

So even though he and Arthur no longer hated each other, and in that respect the Great Dragon was right, there could never be anything more than a vague sense of loyalty to one another. At least, that's what Merlin had been trying to convince himself of since he'd gulped down that poison. It would be so much easier lying to the prince about his magic this way; if they weren't friends.

But despite his possible gift to sense the future, Merlin would never have been able to foretell what Arthur had finally said to him. He'd gotten angry, not because of a ruined day, but because he didn't tell him he felt like crud. Who was he to be concerned with his health? Merlin had already had several scoldings from the people back in Camelot; he didn't really need another from someone who wasn't supposed to care. He wasn't _supposed_ to care. But did he?

And then, after all that he'd been through in the last week alone; after not eating breakfast before he left, after the exhaustion and the nearly passing out, and now all of this confusion, Merlin simply had snapped. He had yelled at Arthur. He hadn't really meant to get angry; he just had _such_ a bad headache, even with the rest that he'd managed to get while Arthur was setting up the camp.

After he realized that he'd yelled at his friend and master, and destiny apparently, he'd placed his head in his hands; trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts. _I don't know what I believe anymore._

But just when he'd lifted up his head to apologize Arthur had said the strangest thing.

"Merlin, you're right…and I'm sorry."

Arthur had _actually_ told him that not only was he right, but also that he was sorry. He'd only done this one other time before that Merlin could think of.

When he'd fired Merlin during the affair with Valiant and then come back when it turned out his servant was right. He only barely apologized and then, of course, he had given him a boatload of chores to do.

But this was different; this was an argument. An argument where Merlin had yelled at Arthur. Yet _Arthur _had been the one to _apologize._

"_What?"_ _It's official, _Merlin thought, _the world is coming to an end._

Arthur looked decidedly uncomfortable. "I said I'm sorry. You're right; I have done nothing to earn the right of you telling me when something is wrong. I'm not your friend; I'm only the master who works you to the point of collapse. Are you going to take this?"

Merlin didn't know what he meant by that until he noticed that Arthur was still holding the plate of food out to him without a word Merlin took it, then wished he hadn't as he realized that there was more food on it than he could eat in an entire month.

"Arthur, I can't possibly eat all of this!" There seemed to be every kind of food under the sun on that plate. Not only did it have some of the rabbit meat which Arthur had caught and cooked on it, but it also had some of the dried meat that he had packed in the bags. It had fruit, vegetables, bread, cheese, potatoes, and basically everything else on it.

"Merlin, have you seen how thin you look? You can and you are going to eat all of that if I have to force-feed you myself." Little did Arthur know that that was something Margaret threatened the warlock with nearly every time she saw him.

Merlin smiled at the memory. Then he also smiled as he realized that Arthur knew he hadn't always been nice to his servant and was trying to do better. Maybe he did care just a little bit.

"Merlin, what did I tell you about the smiling?" Maybe not.

* * *

><p>They sat eating in silence for a few minutes before Merlin put his still food covered plate on the ground, much to Arthur's displeasure.<p>

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked in that prattish tone of his.

"I'm full," Merlin replied as if it was obvious, which it was.

"Merlin, you've hardly touched your food. I told you to eat all of it. And _"all"_ means all." Arthur looked incredulously at his servant. _Just because I apologized once to him doesn't mean that he gets to ignore my commands. Not that he doesn't do that anyway._

Arthur even considered saying that to the idiot, but that would involve confessing out loud that he had said "sorry" to Merlin, and he just wasn't quite there yet. It looked like they both were just going to put the argument and the following apology behind them, since neither one really knew how to act with that kind of friendship-like sentiment hanging in the air.

"Well, I'm full. I really don't see how you can expect me to eat all that food; it's more than I've had in my whole life!" Arthur suppressed a shudder at that idea, the boy was obviously exaggerating. Then he began to wonder _exactly_ how far it was from the truth. It was true that the plate had more food on it than Arthur's dinner normally consisted of, but not by much. The prince normally would have a decent breakfast and lunch and then have a big dinner with his father. But what about Merlin; what about the boy who looked too thin to be healthy?

"And why is that, Merlin, doesn't Gaius feed you enough?" Arthur asked, trying and mostly failing to sound casual. Thankfully Merlin didn't notice.

"He tries, but he's so busy. Not to mention that even Gaius isn't brave enough to keep me from giving to you your food on time." _And yet he always manages to be late, _Arthur thought prattishly.

Shaking those thoughts from his head, he tried to focus on the matter at hand; why was Merlin eating enough? "Still, that's only breakfast, why don't you make time to eat? I mean, you're no use to me if you faint from hunger, if you need some extra time to eat than I can give that to you."

Merlin looked at Arthur curiously; detecting a hint of worry and kindness in the prince's tone. "I don't know, I just don't think about eating that much. It's not important." Merlin had subconsciously started eating again.

_Not important? Doesn't think about it? Why the hell not?_

"Merlin," Arthur said as if he was talking to a small child, which was probably because in his mind he was. "Eating _is_ important. What, can you just block it out? How can you not think about it; its _hunger?"_ He emphasized the last word.

"Well," Merlin began uncomfortably, shifting where he was sitting and never looking at something for more than two seconds, "growing up in Ealdor it…you had to get used to not eating sometimes." Yes, Merlin was definitely not very comfortable talking about his past, but he continued anyway, with some prompting from Arthur.

"What do you mean, 'not eating'?"

"Um, well, you have to understand. Ealdor is a small village, just outside Camelot and just barely inside Cenred's kingdom." Arthur scowled at the name of one of their enemies, and Merlin seemed to nod in agreement. "Cenred only cares for his people when it best suits his own interest. And a small village with less than a hundred people is like an ant under his boot. We make everything we need for ourselves in Ealdor, and anything we can't make we get from the caravans that pass through our town two or three times a year.

"If we have a problem, or if someone is starving, the only people to go to are the ones in the village. I never knew my father; he died before I was born, so you can imagine growing up with only my mother to take care of me." In all honesty; Arthur couldn't imagine.

"If there isn't a father, or an older brother, or an uncle, or someone, in a family, then the youngest age a boy can be considered the man of the house is thirteen. But until that particular birthday I was still just a child, I couldn't do much even if my mother let me. Which she didn't, she never let me work when I was a boy, she said she wanted me to live and be happy as long as I could." Merlin smiled a slightly sad smile at this.

"A had a best friend I used to get into so much trouble with. We'd play all sorts of pranks, and pull so many crazy stunts." Merlin laughed, completely caught up in some distant memory, so much so that Arthur felt almost like he was intruding on a private moment.

"And even when we grew up and started to take care of our loved ones we still managed to find the time to be foolish." And just like that Merlin pulled himself out of the memory. "Anyway, to answer your question, my mother had to take care of me. And let me tell you it wasn't always easy. In harsh winters or particularly hot summers things would get hard. I fainted from hunger on more than one occasion."

At this Arthur felt a cold shiver go down his spine. "You what?"

Merlin looked almost pityingly at Arthur as if he was a small, naïve child. "All your life you've been the prince of Camelot, if anyone had food it was you. I doubt you can understand. Sometimes, no matter how hard my mother tried there simply wasn't enough food. And when I'd faint from lack of food, or for any reason, she would freak out. Huh." He chuckled here, as if he was remembering something silly, knowing him he probably was. "When that happened then the whole village would get together to help me out. Everyone would find something to donate, whether food, or blankets, or just moral support. Not everyone could afford to help, but that never stopped them.

"That's why I almost liked the enormous hunger, because when I fainted the whole town would get together to make sure I was alright. It made me feel loved. I didn't know everyone in Ealdor as a friend, but that would never stop them from helping me or my mother when we desperately needed it. They're good people, some of the best." He paused for a moment as if to collect himself.

"Anyway, even when I was old enough to help my mother out it still wasn't always enough. Growing up in Ealdor you learn to get used to hunger. You also learn to know the difference between hunger, and really bad starvation."

"Then why didn't you recognize it today, Merlin?" Arthur asked, some of the old annoyance, which the look into Merlin's past of managed to bury, resurfaced.

"Well, it wasn't just hunger; it was a lot of things."

Arthur suppressed a cringe at that. It certainly _was_ a lot of things. All of which could've be dealt with if Arthur had just noticed them in time, preferably before Merlin had been rendered unable to walk.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said for the third time that day; he hoped that it wasn't going to become a habit. "I had no idea your life was that hard."

"Well, it wasn't always. Besides; in some ways it's gotten easier since coming to Camelot, plenty of food, an actual physician. If anyone got sick in Ealdor then they would go to the few mothers in the village who knew _little_ bit about medicine.

"But in other ways it's worse; being here."

Arthur had a sinking feeling in his gut that he knew why, but he asked anyway, "Why? How's it harder?" It wasn't what he had expected.

"Another thing I don't expect you to understand. All my life in Ealdor I had a best friend. We used to get into all sorts of horrible messes. But we'd get out of them, or usually, clean them up together. Whenever someone got scolded then the other person was there right along with them. If one of us got injured then the other would help take care of him. Will and I…we, we were the best of friends. We'd always tell each other everything; our secrets, when we thought the other person was being particularly stupid, when an idea one of us had was a bad one. Everything. That's the mark of a true friend. But here, in Camelot, I don't have that, I have Gaius, who's like a father to me…the father I never had, I have Gwen, but we're not really all that close. I don't have a really great friend here."

* * *

><p>Arthur heard the words that were not being said; Merlin was lonely, perhaps not all the time, but he was lonely. So he decided to tell him his secret; to tell him about the cave.<p>

"When you were…poisoned, Merlin, and I went to...find the Morteus flower I...I met a woman." Arthur had known it would be hard to tell Merlin his strange secret; apparently he'd had no idea.

"You met a woman?" Merlin asked, looking quite like he'd just been slapped and then told something funny. Obviously he didn't know whether to be insulted at this weird change in conversation or to laugh. "Well, was she pretty?"

"What? Yes, I suppose she was, but that's not really important. She pretended to be someone in need of help, but she was, in fact, a sorceress."

At this Merlin's body froze up, his mind whirring with the possibilities of what these few words could mean. Of course Arthur saw it and mistook it as the usual reaction that people have when magic is brought up. _Maybe this isn't such a good idea._ But he plowed right on; determined to tell him, after all, if he couldn't tell his idiot servant then who could he tell?

"Of course I didn't know that until she left me hanging from a cave wall with no light and great big spiders crawling towards me. I-I was afraid, Merlin. I thought I was going to die. The giant spiders would reach me and kill me if I didn't fall and die before then. And even if I could've out climbed them it was far too dark to see the flower, let alone the way out. I literally believed that there was no way out; that I would die any minute." The more of the story Arthur told; the easier it got to tell it. The retelling already seemed to be therapeutic for him.

Merlin, on the other hand, felt as if his mind was tying itself into knots. Not only was he trying to see where the story was going; if Arthur was going to accuse him of anything…what's the word, oh right, punishable by death, but he was trying to piece together what may have happened with the information Gaius gave him. He was also doing his best to understand the many different emotions flitting over Arthur's face. And after everything he'd that had happened today, that was a whole lot of things to be attempting to figure out.

Arthur continued talking; completely oblivious to his servant's plight, as usual. "Then this…blue orb of brilliant light appeared and…well, saved me."

Out of all the things Merlin had expected Arthur to say; that had never been on the list. Apparently his shock was plainly written on his face since Arthur said,

"I know, not exactly what a prat would normally say." He smiled with not even a hint of annoyance anywhere on his features. "But it did, it saved me. I mean, at first I thought it was going to kill me, but those thoughts stopped when I felt it. I felt the light and…well, there's only one word to describe it; pure. It was pure. There was no evil or malice in that light, only kindness, peace and a desire to help me.

"My father would say that someone cast a spell on me and for all I know that's true. But that light didn't feel evil, there wasn't so much as a hint of evil in it. It only felt healing, not addictive.

"That orb of light lit up the cave enough to not only show me a way out, but to also get the flower. So I could say that it even ended up saving you, Merlin. Though, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if that was it's real reason for coming to me all along." At Merlin's confused and prompting look he added, "Every time I remember that thing I think of you."

Immediately Merlin's body tensed up again as if he was suddenly blasted with a wave of cold air. _Does Arthur know about my magic? If so then why hasn't he killed me yet? Is he just toying with me?_

Arthur chuckled as he got _part_ of the reason why Merlin was so nervous right. "Don't be silly, Merlin, I know that you don't practice magic." Merlin relaxed. "If anyone is incapable of using magic it's you." At these words he became and looked extremely offended; something that the prince didn't fail to notice. "Oh, come on, you can't even walk in a straight line, besides, I would think that it would be a sort of a complement."

_A very backwards complement, especially considering that magic isn't necessarily evil, _Merlin thought. Still, he had to admit that Arthur was right, he didn't exactly look or act like someone who possessed magic.

"Anyway, what I meant by that was…was that if you did practice magic then saving me would be exactly the type of thing you'd do. After all, it would have to be someone like you who'd use magic to save a Pendragon's life. Not only do you _occasionally_ have strange bouts of wisdom, but you also happen to be one of the most innocent and kind people I've ever met," Arthur said sincerely, then, realizing that he'd just given him a complement he added, "for an idiot."

Merlin smiled.

"Anyhow, it also would make sense that whoever saved me motive's would be saving you. It's impossible to hate you, get extremely annoy at you yes, but not hate you." He paused for a moment. "All in all, I suppose you could say that that light saved me just by giving me hope, not to mention the other ways it helped me out.

"And I suppose that the whole point of this story is to tell you that you're not alone."

"What?"

"You heard me, you're not alone. The magic that saved me was pure; it was very different from the magic I'm used to seeing. If I met the sorcerer that cast it I wouldn't kill him. I'd thank him and hope that one day, perhaps when I'm king, that I would be able to see him again. Or her. I wouldn't kill him because he saved my life. _You_ saved my life Merlin, and I went and saved yours.

"I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that…I will always try to be there for you to get you out of any messes, whether you make those messes or not. We can't technically be friends, but I hope that maybe, just maybe you don't have to be alone."

Merlin stared; both he and Arthur had been told things that blew their minds, Merlin perhaps the most. Arthur had almost told him that they were friends and he and blatantly confessed that he wouldn't kill a sorcerer on sight, even if that special circumstance belonged to only one magic user. A magic user that just happened to be Merlin.

Gaius had told him about the magic he had conjured up when he was dying from that dreadful poison, and had even told him what he thought the magic was supposed to do. He'd also mentioned something about how he had to be a particularly powerful sorcerer to cast such magic while dying.

But Merlin hadn't known exactly what he'd done, he'd hoped that maybe he'd given Arthur some unnoticeable help, but he had no idea it was anything of this magnitude.

But now, after being told exactly what he'd done, and exactly the effect it had on Arthur, he could truthfully say that he was rather happy that he'd been poisoned. Of course, the pain hadn't been particularly pleasant, but he could deal with pain, especially when it came to this. Perhaps one day he'd have a chance to both be friends with Arthur and to tell him his secret, and that was worth almost anything to him.

For the second time in two days Merlin smiled one of those rare smiles. And Arthur smiled back. They both had things to think over. But Merlin was happy that he no longer felt alone and Arthur was happy that not only had he told Merlin something he'd been waiting to tell him since it happened, but also at the fact that the boy looked happier than he'd seen him since before the poisoning.

Little did they know that soon all their happiness and contentment would disappear and that something else much darker would take its place.

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><p><strong>Well, there you have it, I hope it was to your liking. Please review as always. (:<strong>


	7. Truly Insane

**Me again, and i'm sorry about taking so long, I just sort of wanted a short break from writing. But, good news, this chapter is longer than usual as well. And the next chapter will probably contain the REAL whump; the stuff you've all been waiting for. Once again i'm not sure as to when i'll be able to update next, but i'll try for it to be soon. And i must say that the reviews really did help motivate me, I probably wouldn't even have this chapter out yet if it weren't for those reviews. So thank you to everyone who sent me those little boxes of motivation. I have to say that I really loved this chapter as well, oh, and there is a quote from the Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. If you can find it then i have to say that i love you. Anyway, i'll stop babbling and let you read.**

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><p>From the moment Merlin awoke he knew that something was wrong. What, exactly, he didn't know. It was like the feeling he'd had before, only it wasn't on a purely magical level anymore. Despite what Arthur always believes Merlin actually has some naturally good instincts. But whatever was nearby in these woods was setting both his magic and his physical instincts on edge, and now that was saying something.<p>

Never before had Merlin been so restless upon waking or wanted to get so far away from any place so much in his life. His magic was reaching out; trying to feel something, but, afraid that he wouldn't be able to control it because he was only just waking up, Merlin reined it in before it had a chance to find anything.

The thing Merlin currently wanted more than anything was to leave this forest and get back to Camelot. So the first thing out of his was, "Arthur, are we going back to Camelot today?"

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><p>Arthur had woken around the time he normally did, which was usually late due to Merlin's laziness, and saw that his servant was still conked out. It had been painfully obvious the last couple of days that Merlin was not getting enough sleep, so Arthur decided to let him have it now.<p>

As he walked around, tidying the camp, he noticed that the plate of food he had given Merlin last night was completely empty. He didn't know when it had happened but sometime during their conversations the boy had finished it off. Good.

Arthur became _slightly_ worried when it became almost lunchtime and the sleep-deprived servant still hadn't woken up. _How much sleep has he missed?_

Something else was bothering Arthur as well, though, he wasn't sure what. Being a knight and a future king his senses and instincts had been honed and refined since he was a child, and right now they were telling him that something was wrong. He had the strangest feeling that something bad was about to happen, only, it wasn't the normal type of feeling that he felt. He didn't feel like he himself was in danger, but someone else.

But before he could think much more about it; Merlin woke up.

He looked at the boy; he still had circles under his eyes, but they weren't as deep, so apparently a good night's sleep for a change could do wonders for a person. He also looked way too thin, but no longer like he was in danger of dying on the spot. All in all, some pretty good work for only being gone a day.

Merlin looked groggy and a bit agitated; an expression Arthur wasn't familiar with when it was on his servant's face. And when he heard the words that came out of his mouth, well, then he knew something was wrong.

"Arthur, are we going back to Camelot today?"

Merlin looked like he really wanted to leave, and Arthur couldn't blame him because he felt the same way. But still, that really wasn't normal for the idiot. At first he was going to say no; that they couldn't leave, but when he realized what it might mean that both of them felt uneasy, he decided to let Merlin have this one. After the boy had his breakfast/lunch.

"No Merlin, we can't leave, I might consider going back, but since you have been sleeping all this time you haven't had a chance to eat, and I'm not leaving until I know we won't have any more _interruptions."_

"Fine, whatever, but after I eat can we go?" Merlin didn't know why he was so snappy all of a sudden; he had no real reason to be, unless you counted the ominous chill creeping up his spine, of course. He just really wanted to head to Camelot, or anywhere that wasn't here.

Arthur had the feeling that they should leave right away as well, but he wasn't going to listen to it, no matter how reliable it had been in the past, Merlin's health was more important. If only he knew how much better it would be for Merlin if they did, then maybe none of was about to happen would happen. However; they weren't so lucky as to be able to see the future.

Arthur was pretty shocked at Merlin's words and the tone in them. But he decided to ignore it as him still being half asleep; after all, he knew _he_ could be pretty cranky when he first woke up.

"Maybe, Merlin, here." He handed him another plate of food; not as big as last night's, but considering how long it took him to finish it, it wasn't really a surprise to Merlin that Arthur had no interest in staying there for that long.

He took the food without complaint; something else that only bothered Arthur further. The boy had nearly had a fit last night when the food had been given to him. Because, even though it wasn't as much as before, it still had a lot of food on it.

In fact, the manservant wolfed the food down as if his life depended on eating it as quickly as possible, which to him it felt like it did.

"I'm done, can we go now?" Arthur frowned; this was really un-Merlin-like behavior, maybe it would just be the best to get the _hell_ out of here.

"Sure, help me pack up."

In no time at all the camp was gone, the only evidence that they had been there was the still smoking embers of the fire from the previous night; something that Arthur was currently dousing.

And just like that they were gone. Neither one said anything; but in unison the prince and his servant got on their horses and rode away, none too slowly either.

Unfortunately it just wasn't fast enough. Maybe if they had left several hours earlier they may have been able to escape the horrible fate that awaited both of them, but as it was both of the young men rode straight into something neither one was prepared for. But then again, how can anyone be prepared for something so horrible?

* * *

><p>As Merlin and Arthur rode into a clearing to stop and water the poor horses they saw the very thing that they had both been sensing in their own ways.<p>

Merlin hadn't wanted to stop, in fact he wanted to ride in the opposite direction since he really didn't feel like the current direction they were in was helping their situation any. Not that he knew what their situation was. But he did know that the horses needed the water.

"Merlin, we'll let the horses rest here for a min—" Arthur stopped. There, in the clearing was a man just lying on the ground. He looked unconscious, and he also looked more than a little beaten up.

Merlin turned his gaze away from Arthur to see what had caused him to pause. What he saw sent shivers throughout his magic. A man was lying on the forest floor; a man who was bruised and bloody. Merlin didn't know what it was about the man that made him feel so…wrong, so unnatural, maybe it was what had been done to him, or maybe it was just the man himself. Though why he would be so afraid of someone so vulnerable he didn't know, so it must be the first one.

Even so, he watched as Arthur got down off his horse and made his way over to the stranger without making a move to help himself. He wanted to, because the poor man looked like he could use a friend, but he just felt like whatever that man was, or whatever had happened to him, kept him, or more likely, his magic frozen in place. However; all it took was for Arthur to call to him,

"Merlin, stop being a coward and get over here!"

He clambered off his mare and joined his prince. And though his magic seemed to react even more as he got closer to where Arthur was hunched over the beaten man, he was glad that he had obeyed Arthur this once. If something was wrong with this man then he didn't want Arthur to be near him either, and if he was as harmless as he looked than he was glad for the opportunity to help him.

That all changed when he did what Arthur told him to do.

"Merlin, you live with Gaius, do you know anything you can do for him?"

He lent down to examine him and his hand went to touch his arm; a place that contained many bruises, in the hopes that he could further assess the damage. The man was in tattered peasant clothes, he was bruised, battered, and bloody, but Merlin didn't know if he had any _more _serious injuries, so as he touched him he felt, well, he felt worse than he had the day before when he'd nearly fainted. He could feel that a layer of extremely abused magic was covering him.

He wasn't sure at first what the magic was doing. He had pulled his hand away sharply only milliseconds after touching his skin, it was almost like he had been burned by the pure hate and insanity that was in it. In fact, the magic reminded Merlin of when he had drunk the poison. Gaius had told him that the poison had been enhanced with magic, and now that he felt this magic he knew that a lot of the pain that he had been experiencing, as if dying wasn't enough, had been from the foreign and evil magic.

The magic covering this man wasn't the same magic, but it had the same hate and corruption in it. It literally felt as if the magic was poison to Merlin, ironically enough, because it felt so evil. Still, he needed to figure out its purpose, and besides, he'd have to touch the man again anyway because Arthur was looking at him funnily. And since he really couldn't tell the prince that the man's skin felt like fire, he would just have to bear it.

So he reached out and touch the arm again, this time trying to uncover the reason behind the magic. The pain was slow and excruciating, but he pressed on. The magic was doing something, it was…shifting the perception of…it was changing what this man looked like to the eyes of other people! He wasn't really injured!

Merlin pulled away even sharper than before, he'd only been touching the man for a few seconds and already it felt like the pain and the searching had lasted years. But none of that mattered; he had to tell Arthur!

"Merlin, what's wrong, I told you to figure out what had happened to him?" Arthur was annoyed; his servant was acting really weird and he'd had enough of it. He was just about to tell him so when he caught sight of the look on Merlin's face; terror, pain, and urgency.

"Arthur, listen to me, we need to get away from here right now!"

_Not again, _the prince thought, _but he seems so serious._

"Why? This man needs our help; I'm not going to abandon him unless you give me a good reason as to why."

Merlin hesitated, and that solitary action cost the boy so much, but then again, who can say for real what would've happened if he hadn't? No one can know what would've happened.

Merlin didn't know what to tell Arthur, so he went with the closest thing to the truth that he could think of. "Arthur, please, this man isn't who we think he is."

Arthur was leaning over the supposedly unconscious man; something that was greatly distressing Merlin. "Merlin, we don't know who he is, and it's hardly like he's dangerous."

Oh, how he was going to eat those words.

Merlin didn't know exactly what was going on, but he really didn't want to stay and find out, and he especially didn't want Arthur that close to that man. He was just about to try to pull his prince and destiny away when the unthinkable happened.

The man's eyes opened all of a sudden and he said to a very surprised prince, "You know, you really should listen to him." Then he said some words in a language that only those with magic would know and the prince's eyes drooped.

Arthur's head fell backwards and would've hit the ground hard if his servant hadn't lunged forward and caught him.

Even though Merlin wasn't as much of a weakling as everyone seemed to think he was he still had trouble not collapsing under the dead-weight of his prince. He tried to pull him away from the now standing, and no longer in disguise, sorcerer, but the most he could do was shift him a bit. Arthur wasn't dead; he was clearly breathing, so Merlin knew that there was no way he was going to leave his side if he had any choice about it. But still, he couldn't really look at the smirking sorcerer, or use his magic fully if he was supporting a sleeping prince, so he gently laid his head down on the ground and brought himself up to his full height to face this new threat.

"Well, well, well," said the man, who was no longer covered in peasant clothes and bruises, but was in a cloak that hid everything but his face and his chest, which was wearing a leather shirt. In fact, if Merlin hadn't been so terrified of what might happen next, he probably would've thought that he looked rather cool. "I know who you are. You are the loyal manservant to the snob Prince Arthur, the same manservant that drank poison for him not eight days ago."

Merlin was surprised and a little scared that this man knew this fact about him. And it must've shown on his face as the man said in his voice that was slightly higher than normal for male,

"Yes, I know about you. It's hard not to have heard the story of Prince Arthur's brave servant who willingly gave his life for him. I mean, after all, everyone in Camelot is still talking about it. You should be honored; you're perhaps the first servant to cause so much gossip in a hundred years."

All the while the man was talking the cruel smile never left his features, and his strangely high voice held no joy, just an insane, perverse pleasure at the trouble and discomfort he was causing.

And Merlin had to say that it was greatly disconcerting to even hear the sorcerer talk, let alone hear him say that he knows him.

"What do you want?" He tried to sound brave, but in all honesty, he didn't know whether or not that was achieved. He was concentrating on trying to find a spell in his limited library of them that might take this man out. When he had felt his magic he had known that it wasn't all that powerful, but that didn't mean that it couldn't be deadly. Besides, he still would have to explain all of this to Arthur, assuming he actually managed to save them both.

"What do I want? I want many things, Merlin, that is your name isn't it? But I believe that you are not referring to my simple, basic desires in life, but rather in my purpose for laying this trap for Prince Arthur." He chuckled. "It's quite simple, really. I have the same burning desire that everyone else with any brains has; to take down Camelot."

He's right; it was simple, and not particularly out of the ordinary. "But why, there are thousands of people in Camelot; innocent people, why hurt them?" Merlin asked, trying to stall for time. The pain that touching him had inflicted was still clouding his mind.

"You're right; the people of Camelot are guilty of nothing other than living under a tyrannical rule." He laughed again; a sick, twisted, insane laugh. "And after all, the whole point of a tyrant is that he doesn't usually give his people choices. So, let me rephrase that. I wish to _destroy_ the entire _Pendragon_ family.

"As you may have guessed since I believe that you're not the idiot that everyone thinks, I have magic, but unfortunately it isn't very powerful. It's powerful enough to take the both of you down, but not strong enough to invade Camelot. I do, however; know of many witches and wizards that _are_ powerful enough, with the right information and plan, of course. So, I suppose you could say that it is my _goal_ to help them as best I can, assuming I get a _little_ something for it in return." His smile widened at this.

_He's truly insane,_ thought Merlin. He thought he may have come up with a spell to get both him and Arthur out of this clearing and far away from this madman, but it required for the said madman to be distracted. Shouldn't be too hard, like most evil, insane people he likes the sound of his own voice way too much. Just let him talk for long enough.

"Let me guess, you want to get paid?" Merlin asked, in the hopes of furthering the man's distraction.

"Of course, in this world you can get nothing for nothing. In short, I plan on _torturing_ Arthur for valuable information on Camelot's defenses, and then I will sell the secrets to the _highest_ bidder." At the word 'torture' a sadistic gleam flashed in his eyes.

And at the word 'torture' Merlin's entire body froze up. _I can't let that happen to Arthur, I made a promise to myself and to the knights; I will not let this happen._

"W-what makes you think that—that you will get anything out of Arthur?" _Curse my lack of self-control; the fear in my voice is far too evident_.

The sorcerer seem to think so too because he said, "You don't seem all that confident, or maybe that's just the fear for your master breaking through. I have to admit; I _do_ admire loyalty, it just seems so _rare_ these days. Besides; loyal people are always _far_ more enjoying to _break,_ do you think that your prince is _loyal_ to his kingdom? I hope so; I have been planning this trap for _ages,_ after all."

Merlin couldn't stop the shiver that went downs his spine; everything this man said was far too creepy.

"Oh, but I'm telling you all of my plans and I haven't even told you my name; how _rude_ of me."

Suddenly, before Merlin had time to react the man mumbled a few words and his entire body froze up; he literally couldn't move. He fell backwards and hit the ground, and boy, did that _hurt!_ And just as blackness began to descend Merlin realized what the insane sorcerer had done.

Of _course_ he knew how unnerving he could be, it had taken all of Merlin's will power to not _run_ away from him and hide. He knew the effect he had on people and he had _exploited_ it. Instead of getting the man to talk Merlin should have tried to shut him up; the man had been _trying_ to distract him. And when he had shivered had probably been when he had believed he had accomplished just that. And he had. At that point in time Merlin had completely forgotten about his plan.

And just as Merlin came to the conclusion that he had played right into the man's hands, said man appeared in his ever dwindling line of vision to tell him something that would haunt his dreams for the rest of his life; however long or short that might be.

He said in that creepy voice of his that is so unlike any other voice Merlin had ever heard, _"My name is Arcturus, and I must say, it is a pleasure to finally meet you." _

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><p><strong>I know, you probably all hate me right now for that ending. And yes, i did take the name for the villain from Harry Potter, which i do not own nor hold any claim to. Review and tell me what you think so far of my villain, is he creepy, or is he boring? Oh, i need help finding a translator for the Merlin spells, everyone seems to have a way of finding how to spell them, currently, i am not one of those people. So if anyone can find me something to help out with that then that would mark that person as seriously awesome for the rest of eternity. Well, bye for now...<strong>


	8. The Foreshadowing of Things to Come

**Well, here it is, and i'm sorry that there really isn't any whump in this chapter, but it _should_ be in the next chapter. Warning: the villian in this chapter get's really creepy, so if you have a fear of majorly creepy characters or dislike it in cop shows when they have psychopath then you might not want to read this chapter. Also there are quotes from both the tv show _Sherlock_ and S_targate: SG1_, or at the very least there are paraphrases. The quote in the previous chapter was also from Prince Caspian, but don't feel bad if you don't get it, I wouldn't have remembered it if I hadn't heard it recently. I got some amazing reviews last time so i want to thank all of you who graced me with your opinion. Well, that's all, enjoy!**

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><p>When Arthur woke up the first thing that he noticed was that he had a splitting headache. It felt like there was a nail in head. And the second thing that he noticed was that his arms hurt, badly. And the third thing that he noticed just happened to explain that.<p>

He was chained to a wall and, apparently, the entire time he was unconscious he was hanging from the shackles on his wrists. The awkward and unnatural position put a lot of strain on his arms and shoulders. _No wonder they're hurting so much._

Arthur pulled his previously limp and rather sluggish legs underneath him and stood up; relieving the unwanted pressure from his aching arms, and that's when realized something. He was missing the annoying sound of someone chattering in his ear, someone important. _Merlin!_ Where was Merlin? And just like that…he found him, he'd just been too preoccupied by his own musings that he hadn't noticed a fourth thing. That fourth thing was the limp form of Merlin.

Merlin was hanging by his arms much in the same way that Arthur had been, only Arthur thought it looked far more painful for the unconscious boy. All of Arthur's usual pride and boasting aside; the prince knew that Merlin simply wasn't as strong as him, you could tell just by looking at his skinny arms. Then again, the boy was ridiculously skinny all over; so maybe those shoulders wouldn't have as much weight to hold up.

He was considering waking Merlin up when he took a better look around the small room the both of them were in, and then he decided that maybe it would be better to let the boy sleep for as long as he could. Not only would the servant most likely wake up with the head-shattering pain that Arthur had, but also he wouldn't really be coming around to a very pleasant sight.

From the looks of things they were both chained up in a dungeon, both without their shirts, though, thankfully they still had their pants. The dungeon was bleak, and dark, and had several shackles on the walls on either side of the, well, prisoners.

He and Merlin were the only ones in the room, which wasn't very big. Arthur couldn't see very well since it was dark, but if he had to guess he would say that Merlin; being on the wall opposite the prince, was probably nine or ten feet away.

He couldn't make out much in the dim light, but it looked like his manservant was okay, other than stiff and painful arms, of course. He let out a sigh of relief; at least there was no visible damage, which probably means that there isn't any at all.

He the first things that Arthur had learned to do when waking up in a strange place was to; A: make sure all his men were there, and since Merlin was the only one that could be considered 'his man' that was pretty easy. B: look around and try to find any means of escaping; something he had done already and had concluded, much to his dismay but not really to his surprise, that escape was currently impossible. And C: make sure his men are fine. This one had been pretty easy to accomplish as well, but it had brought a greater relief than it normally did to see that someone in his responsibility was unharmed, possibly because Merlin seemed far more vulnerable that any of his knights ever did. The boy couldn't even take care of himself properly when all was right with the world, so how on earth is going to make it after having been captured?

But now that he had the most pressing things out of the way, Arthur decided that it was time to give his attention to something that had been bothering him since he woke up. _What happened?_

Arthur remembered getting up this morning, _was it this morning?_ He remembered deciding to allow Merlin to sleep in, _much like now; ironically, _he remembered how they both had a great desire to leave. And leave they did. They'd barely talked at all along the way, because both of them had been far too antsy to want to say anything. And then he remembered the beaten man they had come across when they had stopped to water the horses.

It was with some worry and more than a little confusion that thought about how Merlin had looked and reacted when he'd gone to touch him. He hadn't even been touching the man's forearm for even a second when he'd pulled away as if he'd been bitten…or burned.

And that wasn't the only reaction to support that theory; there had even been a look of pain on his face; a look that reminded him of the last time he saw his servant outwardly showing his pain.

It had been the first day Merlin had come back to work for him since the poisoning, midway through the day he had looked as if he was in more pain than he could bear, and that's when Gaius, of course, had taken the boy away to rest. Arthur hadn't known how to react that time to his servant's pain and he still hadn't known how when he'd seen that flash of agony on Merlin's face.

Arthur had even begun to wonder if maybe it had been there at all because the pain had only lasted a second, no, less than a second on the boy's face and then had disappeared entirely.

Then the lazy servant had reached out to touch him again and Arthur had almost told him not to, but he had stopped himself when he'd had the puzzling thought; _If trying to examine the man had hurt him, then would he be going back for more? _

He wouldn't be, Arthur had decided and had allowed Merlin to continue. Except, once again, Merlin had looked like he was in pain, though, he had touched the hurt man for a little longer than last time. But not by much, in fact it had only been a few seconds when the boy had shot up with a look of fear in his eyes; fear and pain.

Arthur had been so confused; an emotion that seemed his constant companion these days. He'd been confused at the pain in the boy's features. He'd been confused when Merlin had told him that they must leave. But he hadn't been confused with his own answer; they simply were not leaving a helpless and unconscious man without a seriously good reason.

And now, as Arthur looked around the bleak and rather cold dungeon the prince decided, in retrospect, that maybe he should've listened to his servant after all.

All he remembered after Merlin had told him that they needed to leave was leaning over the object of his servant's concern and then…nothing. The next thing he knew was having two aching arms and a throbbing head.

Suddenly the small door to the cell, which was a little too close to Merlin for Arthur's comfort since it was on the same wall, opened.

A man stepped through the door and though he was carrying a torch, the light was reflected in such a way that Arthur couldn't see his face.

"My, my, aren't you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? Did the prince get his beauty sleep?"

Arthur couldn't suppress the shiver that ran throughout his whole body; something the man smiled at.

_This one is going to be much easier to scare, _thought the sorcerer.

"What happened? Where am I? Who are you?" Arthur asked, sounding far more disorientated and far _less_ intimidating than he had hoped.

"Well, I'll start with the first question; after all, that's probably why you asked it first, you military types _do_ like to prioritize. 'What happened?' Well, I said a teensy, weensy little spell and you _fainted_ like a little _girl!"_ On the last couple of words the man's voice became high-pitched and, in fact, his voice almost seemed to morph into that of a child's.

This man was so unnerving that Arthur didn't have room inside of him to feel anything but the strong desire to get away from him as fast as he could, not even to feel indignant at the jibe.

"I must say," the man said, his voice returning to its still creepy, but not as creepy tone. "I was more impressed with your servant than I was with you, Prince Arthur. He at least _managed_ to look brave, which in itself proves that there is courage somewhere in his tiny, little body."

On hearing this Arthur perked up, trying to figure out what had happened to his servant after he had, um, _passed_ _out._

"And quite loyal too." _Yeah, _Arthur thought,_ that sounds like Merlin. _"You should be proud; he stood up for you and everything."

"What have you done to him?" Arthur asked, this time managing to sound hostile and demanding.

"I simply knocked him unconscious, my good prince, so no need to worry. He even fought the magic harder than you. It's not him you really need to worry about."

Arthur didn't like the sound of any magic at all being used on Merlin, but for the moment he seemed safe so he guessed he should listen to what the sorcerer said and worry about other things. Like; how on _earth_ were they going to get out of this one?

"And as to where you are," the man continued. "You are in an underground outpost, or facility, or safe-house, whatever you wish to call it. This place was used during the Great Purge as a sort of hideout for those who practiced magic; they used this place and others like it, in the hopes that it might protect them from the wrath of your father, Uther. Of course, most of their wishes were never _fulfilled_ since the king found most of these tiny dens. But over time some of these have been covered up by the natural growth and age of the forest. Some of these outposts were never found. Like this one.

"Sorry to crush your tiny hope of being rescued, because, really, no one but me knows of this place's existence. Actually I'm not sorry, but it's the thought that counts, isn't it?

"And as to who I am, well…" The man who had been slowly inching forward very creepily as he talked, occasionally gesturing as to help emphasize one of his points, came to stop in front of Arthur. He angled the torch away so that its glare no longer shielded him, but still lit up the tiny room.

Arthur gasped; even though he looked a whole lot different when not covered in bruises and blood, he could still recognize him; it was the man from the forest. He was the sorcerer. Merlin _had_ been right; he is not who they thought he was.

"Like I told your dosing friend over there," he nodded his head towards Merlin, "my name is Arcturus, and I am the last new face you will ever see."

"What do you want with us; you've obviously been planning this for a while?" Arthur asked, sounding a lot braver this time.

"I only want you, Arthur; I can call that, right? It's just that, down here, titles have no meaning. Anyway, I never planned on capturing your servant; that was just a lucky, perky bonus, perhaps the gods like me."

"Then why not let him go?" Arthur argued. "If you only want me then surely a servant is of no use to you?" Arthur was desperately trying to get Merlin out of this mess; the boy had already suffered enough on account of his master.

"I told you, Artie, titles have no purpose down here. Besides; I may find a use for the boy yet. If nothing else you seem to care about his safety; I could work that to my advantage. You see, I know some people who are willing to pay me a great sum if I can provide them with what they want, which is the _closely_ guarded secrets of Camelot's defenses.

"Of _course_, like the rest of my kind, I bear a grudge against the whole Pendragon family, so naturally I would _want_ to kill you. But there's no _real_ fun in just killing _alone_, and I'm not a person who kills just because it's something to do. So instead I plan on making you _scream_ until you give the information that I desire. But how long you scream is entirely up to you. But you will scream, I promise you that. Only then, when you have told me everything that I wish to know will I, finally, give you the gift of death.

"Because it _is_ a gift. Everyone does it; everyone dies, it's natural, _no_…it's a _blessing_. Death is the ultimate goal, the ultimate holiday, the final sleep. You may not think so now," he said as he saw the look of disgust on Arthur's features, "but you will. Everyone does...in the end.

"Once I have defiled the mind, body, heart, and soul of a person in the most horrible way possible; with torture, I always give them death. Because to go on living when you have suffered such a _great_ torment, to have to remember for the rest of your life _exactly_ what was done to you; that…that is a fate I would wish upon no man. Not even your father. So you could say that I am a messenger of mercy. I may take everything away from a person, but I always give them their relief in the end. And even you; a Pendragon, I will give it to you as well. And you will thank me.

"Anyone who has suffered; whether at the hands of a torturer, or at the hands of your father, anyone who has suffered a great loss, the only way to heal those people is death." He stepped back a bit and gave Arthur a crazy, insane look as if he was trying to get him to understand a great truth.

"I will _never_ betray Camelot's secrets, and I most certainly won't beg for death. And I don't care what you say; my father's men _will_ find us, and when they do it is _you_ who will wish for death!" Arthur stated defiantly. He stood up straighter; he may be chained to a wall, but he still had control over his own body.

Arcturus sighed; his shoulders slumped as if in defeat. "Well, perhaps you're right."

Before Arthur had a chance to puzzle over what that statement meant there was a stirring somewhere behind his insane captor. _Merlin!_ He'd almost forgotten the boy again! Though, in all fairness he'd had a pretty good distraction. The servant looked like he was waking up, and Arthur was glad that he hadn't before now; no need for him to have to hear this crazy man's speech.

The said crazy man seemed to have noticed Merlin as well, for he turned back to look at the prince with a slightly sadistic gleam in his eyes. "Well, I should leave you two alone for a little while since this will be your last chance to have a proper chat. Bye-bye now!"

He turned around and left the room, leaving the door wide open just to taunt them. He did, however; leave the torch in the room in a bracket on the wall, apparently so that they could see each other as they 'chatted.'

As the sorcerer disappeared from view Arthur released a big sigh; he hadn't been this stressed out during a conversation in his whole life, not even when he talked with his father. Not even during the talk with Merlin last night, was it last night? It felt like ages ago.

Just then Merlin's eyes started to flutter.

"Merlin!" Arthur called, trying to get the idiot's attention. He may be an idiot, but Arthur swore to himself never to underestimate the value of the boy's annoying chatter again; it was a whole lot better than listening to an insane man's prattle.

The servant groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "Arthur?"

"Yes, Merlin, I'm here."

The boy still seemed mostly out of it, but said anyway, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." _'And quite loyal too,' _the words rang in Arthur's ears.

"Okay…" the manservant paused for a moment, "Can you answer a question for me?"

_Weird,_ Arthur thought, the boy still hadn't raised his head yet and still he was asking questions.

"Um, sure?" It came out as more of a question since Arthur really wasn't sure what his servant would be asking about at a time like this with that particular tone in his voice.

"_Why is there a nail in my head?"_

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><p><strong>Okay, feel free to tell me that Arcturus was creepy and made you pee your pants, though, i seriously hope that he didn't. I do really want feedback on him, though. I also want to state that very few of any of the opinions that any of my villains will ever state will reflect my own. I do not believe that death is the answer, nor have i ever. That was simply the dude's creepiness and villianness. I'm sorry if i freaked anyone out and the next chapter should be more whumpy and less psychopathy. Please Review and tell me what you thought. Bye!<strong>


	9. I Won't Fade as Long as I Have My Friend

**Hello again, sorry that I'm late with this update, but I have at least five reasons as to why. #1: The most simple and definitly the most common cause of not writing; procrastination. I get too, but really, it's not my fault that I want to watch wonderfully stupid and funny tv shows rather than write. #2: I got sick on Tuesday afternoon with the same loverly bug that everyone seems to be getting. #3 This one happens to be related to the last one, because I got sick I went to bed early and because I went to bed early I was given the _priviledge _of having insomnia. And because I woke up at the same time that I normally go to bed I decided to write, but not write anything for this. I was attacked by a insane plot-bunny and a spent the rest of the day writng an 9,000 word Merlin oneshot, so I think you can guess as to why I didn't get anytime to update this on Wensday. #4: Due my being sick I didn't feel like writing this chapter and I really didn't think a chapter that _finally_ has the whump in it should be forced out of someone who may not be able to write it well at that time. So I didn't update. #5: The Doc-manager upload thingy decided to be stupid and wouldn't let me post for a while. And all this to stop you from being mad at me, though, I wouldn't be surprised if you got mad at me for this _really_ long a/n. Anyway, as I stated previously this chapter does have the whump in it, but I have to warn you that it is sort of the opposite of nice, for I am quite mean to Merlin. Also this chapter is the longest one I have written yet, so I hope that that makes up for any lateness. And for those of you who are still reading I just want to say that I have already surpassed my record for how many words I've written. My previous score was like 27,000 on an orginal story, and that was like in eight months. Anyway, this makes me happy, and I want to thank all of you who have read and have therefore helped me to get to this mark. Here you go, enjoy and review!**

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><p>The first thing that Merlin knew was that he had been unconscious for a long time, at a guess he would say for something like eight hours. It was a skill he believed came from his magic; he was almost always able to know how long he'd been out. So, naturally, when he realized that it had only been midday last he knew he immediately began to worry about Arthur. If he had fallen asleep at an unnatural time then who knows what sort of mess the danger prone prince could get himself into. It was one thing if he had fallen asleep during the night, but to have no memory of doing so meant that something quite bad might've happened to Arthur.<p>

So, panicking slightly, he called out for the man he was supposed to protect, slowly opening his eyes as he did so. "Arthur?"

He didn't have any great hope of the prince answering; hence why he hadn't even tried to lift his head up yet, which also meant that all he could see was a dirty stone floor. But he was very surprised and relieved when he actually got a response.

"Yes, Merlin, I'm here."

Merlin silently thanked whatever superior being that was responsible for Arthur being there. But the relief and gratitude was short lived since he realized that just because the prince was there didn't necessarily mean that he was okay, especially considering the state of the floor that he was currently looking at.

So he said a bit frantically again, "Are you alright?" Even to his own ears his voice sounded like he was either half dead or half asleep, possibly both.

"Yeah, I'm fine." And there was the relief again.

Arthur was okay, Merlin hadn't detected any lie or pain in his voice and so he doubted that that was too far from the truth. Obviously he couldn't be perfectly fine since he was in a place that he wouldn't spend five minutes in if he didn't have to, at the very least this would cause some bruising to his ego and naïveté. But other than that Merlin had a feeling that he was mostly alright. And now that he knew he almost wished he hadn't since that's when the horrible pain in his arms and head made itself known.

The first thing on his mind had, of course, been Arthur; he'd put far too much work into him already to just stop worrying about him altogether. However, once the fear of his death or injury had been nullified his mind allowed him to think of the very thing that had been begging to be noticed since he woke up: pain.

He hadn't felt anything up until that moment, and whether that was numbness left over from the sleep, or his magic protecting him, or simply his ability to block out unimportant things, he didn't know. He had a feeling that the pain had been there the entire time; he just had been too preoccupied to notice.

But now that all of his other worries were out of the way his body made its suffering plenty clear. His arms and shoulders burned and ached as if someone had tried to pull them clean off, but even that misery was nothing compared to what his head felt like.

He head seemed to be splitting open and it felt like someone was hammering a nail through it. In fact, it was so painful that it was taking almost all of his energy to not scream. He hadn't even attempted to lift his head up; he knew that it would only make the agony worse.

But though he had a pretty good idea of why his arms were so mad at him—he may have been in a lot of pain but that didn't mean that he didn't register the fact that his legs weren't beneath him and that his shoulders were taking all his weight—he could think of no reason as to why his head would be punishing him so. He couldn't even remember how he had gotten here; the last thing he knew was that he and Arthur had been riding their horses and were making their way back to Camelot. He _did_ remember that he had been feeling quite off and not really all that comfortable, though.

And obviously Arthur had had the same feeling because he hadn't even tried to make conversation, nor had Merlin in fact. It had almost been as though their somewhat heartfelt talks the night before had been forgotten. And they practically had for Merlin.

Normally he'd be feeling pretty good considering that he had just gotten proof of Arthur's humanity _and_ that he had opinions of his own and did not _entirely_ let his father dictate what to think to him. But that horrible feeling like something bad was about to happen had seemed to block everything else out. Though, considering how much pain he was in and the very cold room that he was inhabiting he had a feeling that it wasn't completely unjustified.

Just then he heard Arthur chuckle slightly, though what about this situation was funny Merlin didn't know. And he realized that all this time he'd been trying not to make a sound because of his pain he'd actually been carrying out a conversation with Arthur. Apparently he'd just said that he had a nail in his head or something. So much for not talking. Then again, he'd been known to express his pain sometimes with pointless babble because he had actually found that it helped. Maybe that's why he'd been subconsciously talking.

"What-what's so funny?" he asked in an attempt to distract himself.

"Nothing, it's just that that was exactly what I thought when I first woke up. Other than the nail, how are you feeling?" Arthur had started out sounding amused and had ended sounding concerned. Even in his current state that idea that Arthur cared managed to make Merlin feel better.

"Um, a bit sore," he said, having trouble concentrating on anything but the agony. _Maybe if I actually lift my head up I'll be able to better distract myself, and hopefully see a way out of here, _he thought.

Even though he couldn't quite remember how he had gotten here he had a pretty good idea of what had happened. They had somehow managed to get captured and were locked up in some sort of cell, and he knew all that from the pain in his arms and the state of the floor. But it honestly wouldn't do them any good if he was too afraid of the extra pain to even _try_ to find a way out of this.

So slowly he pulled his legs underneath him and stood up and immediately the relief that his arms and shoulders felt made itself known. But as soon as they had expressed their pleasure they went back to aching again, though this time it was worse. From hanging in that position for so long his arms had managed to go a little numb, but now all the feeling came rushing back into them and the pain intensified.

But he wasn't going to let that get in his way so he raised his stiff neck and opened his eyes once more so that he could finally see how bad of a mess they were in. At least, that was the idea, but the light from the torch, which had barely been visible from his previous position, now seemed all too bright and he shut his eyes tight as the pain in his head became even worse. Gradually he eased his way back into the land of the seeing and, after several long and agonizing moments, finally saw Arthur.

And just like that the pain got put on hold again as he visually checked his prince over to make sure that he was unharmed.

He was shackled to the grimy wall much in the same way Merlin supposed that he was, he was shirtless and, despite the frigid air, seemed to be sweating a little. He looked like his arms and shoulders probably had been holding up his weight for a while as well since they sagged slightly in their bonds, plus the fact that he looked utterly exhausted. The only hint of pain was a slight tenseness in his face which probably meant that his arms were still bothering him some.

But other than those things he seemed to be fine, and Merlin could only pray that he would stay that way.

"What happened? How'd we get here?" Merlin asked.

"You don't remember?" Arthur looked slightly concerned, and perhaps a little relieved. Little did Merlin know that Arthur had a good reason for not wanting him to remember an insane creepster, after all, who would want to remember that?

"No, I just know that we were heading back to Camelot."

"Oh, well, apparently the man in the clearing was neither injured nor in need of any help. And after he cast a spell on me to…uh, knock me unconscious he talked to you, at least that's what he said."

And just like that Merlin remembered the creepy voice that would morph from normal to ridiculously high at any given moment. He remembered that it had told him exactly what he wanted and exactly what he was going to do in the most disturbing way possible so that Merlin would be unable to come up with a more complicated plan than "run." He remembered it all.

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><p>Merlin shuddered, and Arthur assumed that that meant that it had all come back to him. <em>Rats, <em>he thought, _if only he hadn't had to remember that, I know I wish I didn't have to; that guy is insane._

He had been watching Merlin closely since the boy had woken up and he had to admit that he didn't look very good. He had already guessed from his own experience that the idiot's arms and shoulders would hurt like nothing else, but he looked like he was in a lot more pain than that.

His pride would like to tell him that it was just because Merlin had a low tolerance for pain, but for some reason Arthur doubted that it was true. And even if it were true it didn't mean that it should be ignored. Arthur had made a promise to Gaius and so far he was doing a very sucky job of keeping it. If Merlin was in pain, no matter what kind of tolerance he had to it, then Arthur should do whatever he could to ease it.

But once again Arthur was brought out of his musings about this strange obligation he felt towards protecting a servant; a feeling that he hadn't had before said servant decided to drink poison for him, by a voice. And that voice happened to belong to Merlin, who seemed to have recovered from the rush of memories.

"Wait, you said that that Arcturus talked to you. When?" Once again that concern in his voice, when would that servant stop being so damn _loyal_? Honestly, who did he think he was? A knight? He wasn't even a proper citizen of Camelot.

"Um, yeah, before you woke up. He came and talked to me," Arthur answered.

Merlin seemed to be feeling a little better physically since a rather grim smile crossed his face. "And did you like him?"

Arthur laughed, even though the actual event of meeting the sorcerer had been one of the most terrifying moments of his life, not that he ever say that out loud. "Yeah, right. Even if he didn't use magic I think my father would still execute him for possessing excessive creepiness."

Merlin laughed loudly at that and Arthur joined in. Arcturus really wasn't all that funny, but that's what the two friends—even if they wouldn't always admit that that's what they were—did. They made fun of stupid things and had even stupider banter; it was their way of not thinking about how horrible the mess that they were in was. But all too soon the laughter was over.

"He said that you stood up for me, that you were very loyal." Arthur said slowly as he looked at his tired and pained servant.

Merlin thought for moment; trying to remember exactly what he had said. "Um, yes, I think I told him that you wouldn't give in, no matter what." He looked uncomfortable, not to mention a bit anxious about what was probably waiting for his master.

Instead of it boosting his ego, or being grateful to Merlin, Arthur felt a nasty feeling of uneasiness for about the fifth time since they had gone on this _trip._ For some reason Arthur wished that Merlin hadn't said that, maybe it was because of Arcturus' cryptic agreement before Merlin had woken up, or maybe it was because the boy always seemed to get in trouble. But whatever the exact reason for the warning his gut was giving him he knew one thing; that the less the idiot talked to the insane man the better.

Arthur sighed. "How long do you think we've been here?" he asked, not really expecting his servant to know. But he did.

"Well, I think I was asleep for about eight hours, so it's probably very early in the morning of the next day."

They both seemed to be thinking the same thing but it was Arthur who said it. "The third day. They won't start looking for us until tomorrow, probably tomorrow afternoon. But it won't matter, apparently, _when_ they start looking because according to the _sorcerer,_" he spat the word, "They'll never find us."

Not only were Arthur's words depressing, but Merlin also felt a stab of pain as the prince said the word "sorcerer," even if he did share his dislike of the man in question. Merlin knew that it was only to be expected that the son of the man who had started the Great Purge would be less than friendly towards magic, and considering his experiences with magic and their current situation it was perfectly natural, but it still hurt him when he heard the hate in his tone. But that wasn't important, what was important was getting out of the dirty, freezing cell that they were in and getting back to Camelot.

Merlin could almost feel his already abused muscles freeze up at the frigid temperature in the room, which honestly didn't make his shoulders any happier. Both the pain in his head and in his arms had calmed down some with rest, time, and the nice distraction of Arthur and their banter. But it still hurt like crazy and Merlin was starting to wonder if he was ever going to _not_ be in pain again. It seemed like the last couple of weeks he'd been in almost constant pain, or at the very least, exhaustion.

Not that he'd give this up, mind you, if he had to choose between no longer being in pain and protecting Arthur he would always choose to save Arthur. Merlin had found that he could endure almost anything as long as he managed to keep the ones he loved safe from harm.

Then, suddenly, for the second or third—he'd lost count— time in two days Merlin heard the two words he never thought he'd hear from Arthur's mouth, especially if they were directed towards him.

"You're right, Merlin. Well, you _were_ right; we should've left that clearing. I didn't listen to you and for that…I'm sorry."

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><p>Whatever happened here Arthur knew that his servant would hardly enjoy it, and he knew that all this may have been avoided if he had just listened to him, so he felt like he had to apologize, again. It hurt his pride to do so but, really—he was chained up shirtless in some kind of underground cell that probably no one who had any chance of saving him might ever find—pride really <em>had<em> lost its meaning.

But just as Merlin had been surprised by what Arthur had said, so also Arthur was surprised by the words that came out of his manservant's mouth.

"I'm not. I'm not sorry." And when Arthur looked at him like he was crazy Merlin continued, "Well, I'm not particularly happy that we're here, but I am glad about the decision you made.

"You have great hunter's instincts, Arthur, you knew that something was wrong, but you ignored it. You ignored it because there was someone hurt and you weren't going to leave him.

"When I first met you I thought that you were the biggest prat who ever lived. But now that I know you a little better I've realized that you have a noble side to you, Arthur. You truly and honestly care about your people. And not _just_ your people either. You care about everyone one who needs help whether they're from Camelot or not. You went against your better judgment and my warnings because you believed that someone needed your help; and that is the making of a great king.

"Camelot doesn't need a king that will live by his instincts or his intuition, but a king that lives by his heart. Camelot already has a king that does what he believes is right, but when you become king it will have one that does what he _knows_ is right, and _damn_ the consequences to himself."

Little did Merlin know that Morgana had said something very similar to Arthur when she had been trying to convince him to save his poisoned servant.

"I'm not glad we're here, but I _am _glad that when we get out of this—because I know we will—that I will be serving a future king that won't _totally_ be a prat."

Merlin smiled and Arthur wondered when his manservant had become so profound. But he took Merlin's words to heart, and he knew that whenever he doubted himself in the future he would remember those words and see if he was living up to them; if he was living by his heart.

But just as Arthur was smiling back Merlin got a horrible chill down his spine, and someone entered through the open door and into the room.

"Well, well, I see that you're _nice_ and awake now." Arcturus turned to Arthur. "I hope that I didn't interrupt anything important or heartfelt." His voice had anything but sincerity in it.

He twirled around and looked at Merlin, which made Arthur tense; he really didn't like having this whack-job paying attention to his servant.

"I'm glad you're alright, Merlin, I was afraid that the number of spells that I had to perform on you might make you ill."

When Arthur had first seen how bad Merlin looked when he woke up he had been afraid that the sorcerer had done something other than put him to sleep. But now when he heard the man as much as confess to doing something to the lad he was angry to say the least.

"What-what did you do to me?" Merlin asked, the fear in his tone evident at first, but then, much to Arthur's pride, he masked it.

"Oh, I only performed one spell on you to make you sleep. But not only did it take a little longer to take effect on you than it did on your precious prince, but I also had to cast it at least six times. You kept on waking up almost every hour; it was all that I could do to keep you from returning to the land of the waking ahead of schedule."

The man tutted slightly; something that only served to make the boys more creeped out, even though they had thought that that was impossible.

"I have heard of those who do not possess magic but do have a natural resistance to it, but I had thought that it was only a myth. I've never met anyone before with such a resistance to my spells. I may not be very strong in magic, but the spell itself is affective enough, or it should've been." He stared quizzically at the young boy.

Arthur and Merlin looked at each other, though Arthur could've sworn that the thin boy had a hint of fear in his eyes. And though at first Arthur had thought that it was directed at him, he soon realized that the boy was afraid of the psychopath who was talking to him. Of _course_ he wouldn't be afraid of his master at a time like this. Still, though, he had to admit that he never would've thought that Merlin would have a natural resistance to magic.

"I do apologize,"Arcturus continued, "due to the fact that I had to cast the same spell so many times you probably have a horrible headache about now. Normally the spell would cause a head-splitting ache after only being use once, but since I used it so many times on you, you probably feel like you're dying. I'm surprised just by the fact that you haven't gone insane yet. Like I told your prince, you really are impressing."

Arthur mentally cringed at the idea of the headache he'd gotten being amplified six or so times. He wasn't sure that he would've been able to handle it. _No wonder the boy looked like he wanted to scream, honestly, if he was in that much pain he should have._

Arthur was now angrier than ever at the sorcerer who had done this. But all the anger vanished in order to make way for the total mind numbing fear and dread that he felt when he heard Arcturus' next words.

"Which is why I feel so bad about what I'm going to have to do."

Merlin who had been practically silent since the man had come into the room finally spoke up. "What are you going to do?" And Arthur would later swear to himself and anyone else who asked that there was only the barest trace of fear in his voice. If nothing else the boy was brave.

"Well, I am going to do a lot of things, but what I am going to do next will be to you." There was the confirmation of what Arthur had feared since he had learned that Merlin had stood up for him.

"You see, it's really all your fault, well, yours and Artie's here." Arthur scowled slightly at the horrible nickname.

"Originally I had planned on torturing the prince for information about Camelot's defenses and weaknesses. I thought about keeping for leverage or something, but I had no real plans concerning you. But then you defended your prince; saying that he'd never tell me anything, and when he practically said the same it got me thinking.

"You're his servant, not only have you _not_ been trained since birth to resist torture, but you've also probably heard plenty of secrets. That's what servants do, am I right? You stay quiet and listen, servants hear things, servants are the ultimate gossipers. After all, you have nothing else to keep yourselves from going insane.

"Personally you servants show a kind of patience that astounds me. You work for pompous jerks all day long that couldn't care less what happen to you. So of _course_ you hear things." Arcturus smiled like a dog that has just brought you a dead squirrel and dropped it in your lap and is now looking for praise on his genius.

Arthur was horrified, but he still didn't have time to get mad yet because the insane sorcerer wasn't done talking.

"So you probably know a lot of the same things that I planned on getting from Artie, not as much, perhaps, but still enough to be useful. And since _this _jerk seems to care a _little_ bit about his servant than this can be his punishment too. I promise to stop the second either one of you wish to tell me anything. Of course, once I have finished you off, Merlin, I will go and torture Arthur next, so maybe you want to stagger your answers a bit, if you really want to protect him, that is."

He then went over to Arthur; turning away from Merlin as he did so and the boy took this as an opportunity to compose his mask which had been slipping slightly. Arcturus leaned in close to Arthur and whispered in his ear,

"Also, I have to say that I want to see how long it takes to _break_ him. In all my years I've never met a servant who has impressed me _so_ much, so I suppose that I think of this as an experiment, an experiment to see how long it takes the manservant who drank poison for his master to betray that very same master." He backed away and grinned wickedly at Arthur and then turned and went to the torch which was still burning on a bracket on the wall.

He picked up the torch and put his hand up close to it and said some eerie words. _"Tóbrædan and swælan hwíl beinnan lyft." _His eyes turned gold and the fire that _had_ been burning on the wood now lifted off it and levitated in the air.

Then it suddenly split into three orbs, though, they were all the same size as the original orb had been. They all floated across the room mere inches from the ceiling so that no one was in danger of getting burnt or killed.

But each one stopped in a different place; one orb stopped when it came near the end of the room on the left side of Arthur, and another stopped when it came to the wall/ceiling on the right side of Arthur. And the third one stopped, once again very near the ceiling, in the middle of the room. The whole effect was that the entire room was lit up so that everyone could see everything clearly. And Arthur could.

Arthur had tensed up even more so when he had seen magic being used, but all thoughts of how wrong it was, was swept from his mind when is gaze flickered past Merlin. His eyes caught something that they didn't understand so they focused again on their point of confusion. On Merlin's chest was a strange white outline of…something. And as Arthur looked harder he saw what it was; a symbol of a flower, a flower that he recognized.

"_Morteus,"_ Arthur whispered, but despite the fact that he shouldn't have been able to hear him Merlin looked away from the light show and stared at him. His eyes then seemed to widen as he realized what the prince had said and he looked down at his chest, and then back at Arthur.

Meanwhile Arcturus had left the room and then come back, and when he saw the symbol on Merlin's chest he smiled evilly.

Arthur wanted to ask so many things but didn't know how. He wanted to ask how the outline of the very flower that had nearly killed the boy had ended up on Merlin's torso. He wanted to ask why he hadn't told him about the mark. But most of all he wanted to _beg_ Arcturus not to do this, and he had a feeling that he just might end up doing that.

And when Arthur saw the whip that the insane sorcerer had in his hand and the look of utter and complete fear on Merlin's face he knew that he had no other choice.

"Stop," he said, causing both Merlin's and the psychopath's faces to turn towards him sharply. The fear had left Merlin's face as quickly as it had appeared, but Arthur sensed that this time it wasn't because of his mask, but rather because Merlin was concerned about what the prince might say next. And the look in his eyes that was telling him to do nothing confirmed that suspicion.

"Why should I?" asked Arcturus.

"Because, I'm…I'm begging you." _Curse my stupid pride, _Arthur thought. "If you're going to hurt anyone than hurt me; I've got the information you want." He didn't miss the look of panic in Merlin's eyes as he said the last bit.

"Are you going to tell me of Camelot's weaknesses, its defenses? All of the secret ways in that none of the guards know about? Mmmh?" The sorcerer was mocking him; he knew what the answer was going to be.

Arthur stared at the sorcerer for a long moment; wishing that he could say yes. And then he looked at Merlin, stupid, self-sacrificing Merlin and saw that the boy was practically pleading with his eyes for him not to. They both knew what was going to come if Arthur said the only thing that he could say, and neither of them wanted it.

He turned and looked back at the madman with the whip and said, "No." And then hung his head.

"Very well, then."

Arthur quickly lifted his head again in time to see Arcturus advancing on Merlin, who looked both relieved and terrified out of his wits. When he was only a couple of feet away Arcturus stopped and raised his empty hand.

"_Hwyrft,"_ he said. Suddenly Merlin seemed to turn around unwillingly in his chains so that his back faced Arthur, and once again, he saw something that he didn't want to see.

Arthur gasped when he saw the dozens of white little lines that covered Merlin's back. The prince knew that white scars like that could only come from one thing. _Merlin had been whipped before. _

He now knew why the boy had looked so completely terrified when he'd seen the whip, of course it was natural to be scared but Arthur had thought that the fear seemed too extreme for someone who had been able to mask his feelings so well up until that point. But to have been whipped before, well, the very sight of a whip must bring back horrible memories.

Arthur wanted now more than ever that he could stop this, but he knew no way to. Still he tried. "Don't!" Arthur yelled, but the sorcerer acted as though he hadn't heard him, instead he raised the whip above his head and then brought it down hard with a resounding crack.

* * *

><p>When Merlin had seen the whip he had known what was coming and he had been afraid. But as afraid as he was of going through <em>that<em> again he was even more afraid of _Arthur_ going through it. And so when Arcturus had gone for him again he was both pleased and horrified. Some part of him, he knew, had wanted Arthur to be the one to experience this just so that he wouldn't have to, but that part of him was small. He had already decided that he could endure anything if it meant keeping the people he loved and the kingdom he had chosen to protect safe, and he wasn't going to go back on that now.

But when he had heard Arthur's gasp he knew that the prince had seen his scars and the boy had briefly wondered if it was possible to have scars on scars. However, any and all thoughts were banished from his mind as he heard the familiar whistle and then felt _it._

For a tiny, merciful moment he hadn't felt anything, but then he did. The pain seemed to scorch its way down his back and burn through him.

During his bout with the magic enhanced poison he had been in horrible pain. He felt what it was like to be burned from the inside out. But now, and even back then so many years ago, he felt what it was like to be burned from the outside in. But this wasn't slow and excruciating, this was fast and more painful than his body knew how to bear, but bare it he somehow did.

It had taken all of his will power not to scream when the first lash came, but as they continued and it felt as though he was being cut very quickly with a knife made out of fire, it became harder to not scream. But not screaming is what kept him going, he had to do it otherwise he knew that he'd be begging for the torment to stop. If he focused on not screaming, on not giving in even a little bit then maybe he could endure the agony.

Just like last time his brain automatically counted each fall of the whip, it was honestly hard not to since it felt like each one reverberated throughout his system and shook him to his core. He could feel each tongue of fire everywhere in his body; in his mind, in his blood, and in his magic.

Since the second he had woken up in this dank cell his magic had been screaming at him to act, to do something. And of course he had ignored it since Arthur was like nine feet in front of him. But when the whip had first hit his unprotected back it had become harder to resist its pull, partially because he just wanted the pain to end. But it was mostly because his magic had a strong desire to protect him, in fact, the desire of it to help him was so strong that only one thing was stronger.

He knew that if he let go of his magic now that Arthur would find out and would probably kill him the first chance he got and then he wouldn't be able to protect the _prat _anymore. But even worse than that was the fact that he didn't think he could control his magic now; when it lashed out it may end up hurting Arthur and that was one thing he had sworn to himself never to do.

So even though his magic felt like it was burning him and the fire of the whip also seemed to be burning him, Merlin didn't let go of it, because the only thing stronger than its pull was his loyalty and friendship with Arthur.

Unfortunately, even someone with as much conviction like Merlin could not hold himself together for long, so after the twentieth lash Merlin, finally, screamed. By this time the blood loss and pain and exhaustion had gotten to Merlin so that, what had started out as a horrible feeling of déjà vu, now had grown into full-fledged hallucinations.

He remembered what it had felt like last time; the fear, the pain, the desperation, the hope for rescue that had come far too late. All of it, and that's why Merlin no longer tried to withhold his screams, he simply was lost in his own past.

But somewhere after the twenty-fifth lash merlin pulled himself out of his delusions. At that point the pain was so intense that he had trouble forming even the tiniest of thoughts, but he did manage _one_ collective thought. He thought about his friends, about Gaius who had become a mentor to him, he thought about Gwen who had been nice to him and had even kissed him. He thought of his mother who had always cared for him no matter how difficult he could be, and he thought of Will; his best friend for as long as he could remember.

And yet, the last image his mind conjured up didn't have the same warm and comforting feeling that it had had last time.

And that's when he thought of Arthur. Immediately that warm feeling he had been missing washed over him. _He is why I am doing this, _Merlin thought as another blow fell. He knew it, he was doing this for Camelot, for his friends, and for Arthur; the other side of the coin. And as the pain began to overcome everything and blackness was all that he could see Merlin thought of the one reason he was doing all of this:

_Arthur._

And then he knew no more.

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><p><strong>Well, there you go, I hope that you liked it and that it didn't disappoint. The strangest thing happened to me a couple of days ago; I read a scene in a fanfic called <em>"Darkest Day, Blackest Knight"<em> that was actually written by one of my reader's, and it was a bit like the whump scene in this. So I just want to say that I've had almost all of this story planned out for months so nothing that you see has been taken from anything, anything recent anyway. I also want to say that the whump isn't over for Merlin, though, the worst part is, but there will also be comfort. I promise to give you plenty of comfort and bromance. Also, a bit of shameless promoting of my fav fanfic author, you should really check out some of Emachinescat's works because if you like mine then you'll love hers, she is amazing. Well, I'll try to update soon but you know that if you want me to update sooner the way to go is to review, it always makes me want to write more. Also, if you think this fic is too dark or something then let me know so that the other fics in this particular "verse" won't be as bad, thanks. Until next time...**


	10. As You Shatter I Shatter

**I know that I just updated, but this is a very short chapter. Originally it was going to be part of another but then I decided that it really didn't fit anywhere else so I decided to give it its own chapter. Hope you like it.**

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><p>The first time the whip descended on Merlin's thin back Arthur had only been able to watch in horror. And for the smallest of moments Arthur had irrationally thought that maybe the boy hadn't been able to feel it. But Merlin's body flinched badly and he gave a grunt of pain.<p>

Arcturus turned his head briefly to grin at Arthur and then returned to his torment of Merlin.

The second time Merlin flinched and grunted again but this time he seemed more prepared for the blow. Meanwhile Arthur was already struggling uselessly against his chains in order to get to Merlin and kill the son of a bitch that was doing this to him. But even through his anger Arthur was impressed with Merlin's ability to hold in the pain, though, he almost wished that the boy wouldn't because after five strokes Arcturus seemed to be getting bothered by the boy's resistance.

The sorcerer kept bringing the whip down harder and harder, so hard, in fact, that the prince was almost afraid that the poor servant would be split in two with the force of them. It certainly felt that way for Arthur.

Even at the very first stroke Arthur could almost feel it; it was like he could feel the strength of the blow hitting Merlin so hard that it reverberated back to him. Each time that Merlin grunted in pain the same pain would seem to echo in Arthur's soul. Arthur knew that it was silly but it was like he could feel the poor boy shattering, it was almost like as Merlin broke apart so did he.

But no matter how hard he struggled or how many curses he threw Arcturus' way the man wouldn't stop; and so Arthur would yell louder. But after the fourteenth strike Merlin let out a cry of pain—not a scream—but that small cry could only begin to touch the surface of expressing the pain he must be feeling.

And that's when Arthur stopped shouting and cursing and started begging. He didn't care about Camelot anymore; there was no room in his heart to care about anything other than the innocent and suffering servant across from him. Arthur didn't care what it took he just wanted this torture to end; and so he begged.

"Please stop, please just leave him alone! I'll do anything, just stop!" Arthur screamed. But it was all to no avail; the sorcerer didn't even glance his way at those words. Arthur didn't know what to do; Merlin was practically hanging from the chains again and it seemed that each time the whip came down it came down harder. His back was just a blur of blood, _how could someone so small lose so much blood?_

Arthur wanted to do something but there was nothing to do. He was yelling and screaming all the time now; trying to get the monster torturing his servant, oh hell, his _friend _to stop.

Then the most horrible and heartbreaking sound he had ever heard wrenched through the air. Merlin screamed. And just like that Arthur stopped. He stopped struggling, he stopped yelling, he stopped begging, and he had long since stopped cursing. He stopped protesting at all because he simply didn't have the energy to.

Arthur became quiet because Merlin had screamed a scream of pure and utter agony and Arthur no longer had anything left in him to struggle. With that one scream, and indeed the ones that followed, Arthur was sapped of his strength because he knew that nothing he did could stop those horrible sounds.

Those screams had pierced his very soul, had cut to the core of his being because in the few months he had known Merlin; all the times that he had seen the boy suffer, everything that he had gone through; Arthur had never even begun to imagine that he could make a sound like that. He hadn't known that someone so innocent could suffer so much.

And that's why when Merlin finally slipped into the arms of unconsciousness that Arthur was relieved. Of course he was still frightened about the amount of damage that had been done to his friend, but he was immensely glad that the damage had stopped, for now at least. He had no idea if this monster would continue tormenting his manservant or not, and, currently, he didn't want to know.

Arcturus had stopped flogging Merlin when he saw that he could no longer feel it, so he coiled up the bloody whip and tucked it somewhere in his cloak. Then he went over and inspected the boy's back; as if to evaluate the quality of his work.

Once he had finished his analysis he walked over to where Arthur was chained up. He leaned in once more to whisper in Arthur's ear, who was still staring shocked at Merlin's abused, torn, and bloody back.

In a soft and eerie voice he said, "I _told _you I would make you _scream." _

And with that he smiled at Arthur and then turned and walked out of the small cell; leaving the prince with nothing better to do than stare at his servant's mangled back.

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><p><strong>Well, there it is, I just wanted to give you Arthur's POV of that part in the story. Next chapter should be much longer. Bye for now.<strong>


	11. That's a Promise

**Here we go, this chapter is the normal length for once. It doesn't really have a lot of action, but it is a scene that I've been planning for a little while but had no idea where to put it. I personally really liked it, but tell me what you guys think, after you read it, of course. By the way, whenever I try searching any of my stories I can never find them, it's like the search-engine doesn't know that they exist. Does anyone know why this might be? Ooh, and by the way, I've offically reached over a 100 alerts, apparently people want to know when I update, I'm really happy about this so thank you all.**

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><p>Even after Arcturus left and neither of them were in any current danger Arthur still couldn't look away from the limp and pathetic form of Merlin. He couldn't see what damaged the whip had caused due to the blood that still covered the deformed back, and the lights had begun to dim so that the constant squinting was hurting his eyes, and there was no useful reason; but Arthur looked on. He irrationally thought that if he even looked away for a second something worse would happen to his friend.<p>

He was admitting it openly now; Merlin was his friend. Of course, he'd still never say it out loud to someone—not that he'd get much of a chance—but at least he _was_ admitting it to himself. It was stupid and pathetic that Merlin had to be tortured for him to realize it, but now he knew. The kind of emotional pain that he had felt when seeing Merlin get flogged had left no doubt in Arthur's mind; he just wouldn't feel that way if the boy was only a servant to him.

On and off he'd thought about Merlin being his friend, and he supposed that deep down he'd always known, but whenever he would start to think that he would get distracted. But now there was no denying it; Merlin w_as_ his _friend_. But more than Merlin being his friend Arthur realized that he wanted to be his. In the past, whenever he had grudgingly admitted it to himself, he'd always deluded himself into believing that he neither wanted nor needed his friendship. But now he knew that he, in fact, did. And that made the current state of his friend that much more painful.

It seemed to get even worse when Arcturus had come in and turned Merlin's body around; apparently thinking that Arthur had had plenty of time to feel guilty and horrified at the condition of his back, and now had to see what the rest of him looked like.

What Arthur could see of Merlin's face was pale and haggard looking. He didn't know if it was the lighting that made him look so bloodless, or if he had really lost a lot of blood. Arthur really hoped that it wasn't the later.

The boy was once again hanging from his arms and if it wasn't for the slow, if a bit uneven, breathing Arthur would think that he was dead. He was certainly pale enough to be.

While Arthur normally cared about what other people thought about him almost to the point of obsessing, since he had met Merlin that had been slowly going away. And it had disappeared almost entirely since he had met a certain torturing whack-job. And so now when he began to talk to himself out loud he didn't even care. In fact, he barely realized it.

"My, what a great job you've done, Arthur." He didn't even realize that he sounded slightly like Arcturus. "You brought Merlin on this trip in the hopes of finding out a little more about him and making sure he got some rest and food. But instead of taking care of him like you _promised_ to do you; have gotten him tortured nearly to death. "

Arthur remembered what Gaius had asked of him before he left; and that memory only served to make him feel guiltier.

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><p><em>Arthur heard a knock on the door to his chambers and turned around. There was no way in a thousand years that Merlin would knock before entering. He had already gone to the council meeting with his father so it shouldn't be a guard with a message for him, unless it was really urgent, which he hoped it wasn't. There had been enough strangeness and problems lately. <em>

_He wasn't sure who else would be knocking on his door at that particular time of day, but he decided that he might as well find out. _

"_Come in," he said; slightly hesitantly because if whoever was here had come to bring him bad news then he really didn't want to hear it._

_The door opened and Gaius stepped through, his hands were held before him in a respectful gesture and he looked slightly unsure of himself. But Arthur knew that whatever doubt was in his brain had to be very small for him to even be here in the first place; Gaius never did anything unless he was sure of it. Which also meant that Arthur knew he could absolutely trust everything he said because it was always given a lot of forethought, plus Gaius was always right anyway. _

_It was obvious that the physician had something important to say because he wouldn't be here otherwise. In fact, Arthur only ever saw him when he came to see Merlin, he or someone else he knew was injured or sick, when his father held court, or just around the town. And though that might seem like a lot; Arthur never paid much attention to him since both of them were usually busy, and neither of them ever seemed to have any reason to seek the other out so, all in all, his visit to the prince was a bit curious. _

_And he was sure his surprise and curiosity was obvious on his face, if not in his tone. "Gaius, is something wrong? Is someone hurt?" Arthur asked. _

"_No, sire, nothing like that I can assure you, I didn't mean to worry you." Gaius still looked hesitant and uncomfortable._

_Arthur, for his part, was quite confused, but it would do no good to stand around like an idiot and scratch his head. "Oh, well, what can I do for you, Gaius?"_

_Gaius looked down at the ground; one of the few nervous habits that Arthur could ever remember seeing the court physician indulge in. He looked back up at Arthur, and he seemed more confident this time; as if he was determined to do something. For a short moment Arthur wondered if something horrible had happened and that was what Gaius was here to tell him. Immediately his mind flashed to Merlin, maybe something bad had happened to him. Panic filled his mind but quickly evaporated once he realized that Gaius wasn't looking worried or sad enough for something to have happened to his ward. _

"_I hear that you and Merlin are going on a hunting trip." It wasn't really a question._

"_Yes, but don't worry, Gaius, it is only for a few days. He'll be back and be driving you insane again before you know it. You won't have time to miss him," Arthur said a bit pompously. _

_Gaius nodded. "Sire, that is a relief, but that is not why I am here." He paused. "I hope that this is not too forward or disrespectful of me, but I wish to ask a favor of you." _

"_Of course, Gaius, if there is anything within my power to do for you I will. You have been a great friend of my family for years." Arthur was surprised that Gaius was so unsure of his request, and that he had gone to him instead of his father with his favor. _

"_Thank you, sire, I wish to ask…if you would look out for Merlin." _

_To say that Arthur was stunned would be an understatement. It wasn't because the request was so impertinent, because it really wasn't, though, he wasn't sure that his father would agree. No, it was because that was simply something he had never even considered that he would be asked to do; to look out for a servant. _

_Gaius continued on. "Merlin has only been in Camelot for a few months now, and yet he has become like a son to me. I promised his mother that I would take care of him, but I didn't realize how hard that would be. _

"_The boy spends most of his time serving you so I only see him in the morning and at night, usually. It would be far easier for you to keep an eye on him than it is for me. _

"_You and I both know, sire, that he is very accident prone, and I'm beginning to worry that he doesn't have much sense of self-preservation."_

_Unbidden, both minds flashed to that dreadful day when Merlin drank the poison for Arthur. _

"_I worry about him. Despite what you may think, Arthur, Merlin really is quite innocent and kind. Yes, he certainly has his annoying moments, but over all I believe that he is one of the kindest and most compassionate people I have ever met. And I believe that it is that same kindness and purity of heart that will get him into trouble."_

_Arthur interjected here. "Gaius, in my experience the people that are well liked are very rarely targeted by bullies and the like. And since he is a servant to the prince it is even more doubtful." _

_Arthur sounded confident but he really was hoping that Gaius was only talking about bullies, not about the other things that Arthur didn't know how to guard against. But no such luck; he was._

"_I realize that, prince Arthur. It's just that the boy has no thought for himself if he thinks that a small thing like self-preservation could possibly bring harm or discomfort to anyone. Only when everyone else is happy and content will he think about himself. And while I worry about him normally I think that, after everything that's happened, well, he seems to have a strong desire to protect you, and I fear what that could mean."_

_Arthur looked away from Gaius. He had been thinking the very same thing that the physician had; Merlin was too kind and too selfless for his own good. The memory of the thin boy choking and falling to ground still haunted him, and he didn't think that that was likely to stop anytime soon. That was why he was going on this hunting trip, because he needed to sort a few things out. _

_Gaius, after a few moments, decided to continue once more. "The lad is selfless to a fault, and one day that might be his undoing. I don't expect you to endanger yourself for his sake; I could not ask that of you, but if you could do your best to keep him out of harm's way, to protect him and not just on this hunting trip of yours, then I would be very grateful, sire."_

_Arthur assumed a rather prattish air and said, "Of course I'll look after him, Gaius, after all, I am the future king of Camelot, if I can't protect one measly servant then who can I protect?"_

"_Thank you, Prince Arthur_; _it eases my mind to hear you say that." Gaius turned around to leave but was stopped by a hand on his arm._

"_Gaius," Arthur said, almost all of the traces of prat gone from his voice, "I want you to know that I would've protected him anyway. I believe it is my duty to protect everyone under my command; whether they are a knight, or a peasant, or an annoying servant. I always look out for those under my care, and that includes Merlin. I will keep him safe. That's a promise."_

_Gaius smiled; he wondered if either of the boys knew exactly how similar they were. They both had bouts of wisdom and of foolishness; it was like they were two halves of a whole._

"_Thank you, sire," he said simply, and then turned and walked out the door. _

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><p>"Ha, a promise, well, I've done a brilliant job of keeping it so far."<p>

But all the sarcasm and self-hate left Arthur as he once more looked at the unconscious form of his friend. For whatever reason, Merlin had chosen this; his back was bleeding and broken because he had chosen it.

He had seen it in Merlin's eyes; he neither was going to tell the sorcerer anything, nor did he want to see Arthur suffer. He had chosen to be tortured needlessly. When he saw the whip he could've back out, but he didn't. He could've tried to get his master tortured in his stead. But he hadn't; he hadn't given up any information, he hadn't asked for someone else to suffer, and he hadn't even begged for the torment to stop as the whip had beaten him. Merlin had chosen this horrible fate, and though Arthur had no idea why he would do that, he was determined to see that he got his reward.

Gaius had been right; the boy was selfless to a fault, and Arthur wanted him to live long enough for his master, not to mention his guardian, to scold him for it.

So as he looked at Merlin and realized exactly how beautiful and pure his sacrifice was, he said one thing.

"Merlin, I will get you out of here. That's a promise."

He had just looked away when he heard a groggy voice say,

"Of course we're going to get out of here, Arthur. Don't be such a pessimist."

"_Merlin?"_

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><p><strong>Well, as you might've guess the next chapter is going to have Merlin in it, yay! We love Merlin. I hoped that you like the conversation between Arthur and Gaius, it was certainly fun to write. I am starting school, like, tomorrow so I do not know when I'll next update. I also want to make it known that I won't set anything up without coming back to it. I will revisit Merlin's whipping past, but only when the time is right. <strong>

**I have gotten some really glittering reviews so far, in fact, I don't think I've gotten a single negative one, and so for all of you who have reviewed I want to say thank you. Your reviews have been so amazing, I don't think I can tell you how much they mean to me. Actually, thank you to everyone who has ever read this or stuck this far with it, you guys, (and girls of course,) are really awesome! Keep it up, please. Well, bye! **


	12. Breaking Point

**Here you go, and yes, I did procrastinate, sorry. But I hope to get the next chapter up soon since it's one I've been longing to write for a while now. I'm offcially at 80 reviews and that makes me quite happy so thank you to all of you. **

_Previously: "Of course we're going to get out of here, Arthur. Don't be such a pessimist."_

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><p><em>"Merlin?"<em>

Arthur stared as Merlin slowly lifted up his head. His eyes were bloodshot and lines of pain were written all over his face.

"Yes, Arthur, it's me. What, did you think I was dead? You know that it's going to be h-harder than that to get rid of me."

Pain seemed to seep from his very words. His voice was halting and stilted, and every couples of words he would make a small gasping sound. And yet it was Merlin because only he could make jokes after being flogged so severely.

"_Merlin!_ How are you feeling?" Arthur inwardly cursed himself; _well, if there was ever a stupid question then you just asked it. _

Merlin smiled tightly. "I can say without a doubt that this is more painful than having a nail in my head, although; come to think of it, if I truly had a nail in my head than I wouldn't be alive, which would mean that I wouldn't be in any pain." He was babbling slightly; something that Arthur had noticed that he did either when trying to avoid a certain subject, or when he was dealing with a lot of pain. In this case he wouldn't be surprised if it was both.

Suddenly he placed his feet beneath him and stood up, and in the process he moved his back. A scream was torn from his lips, but it was not the same as the other ones that Arthur had heard come from the small boy.

This scream was hoarse and all around much quieter than the last ones. And it didn't have the same pure and raw agony in it that had shaken Arthur so. But despite all that it was still a horrible scream, which is why Arthur flinched at the sound; he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to hear a scream again, especially from Merlin, without having the same reaction. However, Merlin seemed not to notice Arthur's response to his pain, and little wonder, considering how much he must be suffering.

When Merlin finished the _usually_ quick process of standing up he relaxed in his chains and a few of the lines of pain on his face lessened.

"Why did you do that?" Arthur asked, and then berated himself immediately afterwards; the boy didn't need to be questioned, he _needed_ to be comforted. The only problem was that Arthur sucked at comforting.

Merlin looked tiredly at Arthur, yet he seemed more than eager for a reason to talk about anything. "I don't need the added pressure on my arms, they're already sore, and the position I was in pulled at the muscles in my back. It feels much better to stand up." His words were clipped, as if he was focusing all his energy on not screaming rather than talking.

"Oh," was all that Arthur could say. There was an awkward pause as both of them tried to stuff down unwanted emotions or feelings.

"Look, Merlin, I want to say that I'm…I'm sorry. It's my fault that we're here and it's my fault that you—that this has happened to you."

Merlin stared rather stupidly through half closed eyes at Arthur, as if he couldn't believe what he had heard.

"Arthur," he said slowly, as if talking to a tiny child, or maybe it was just because of the pain; a theory that was only supported by his gasping stutters. "You are not to b-blame for this. I told you that I-I didn't blame you, so you mus-mustn't blame yourself either. The only person to blame is Arcturus, _only_ him."

"What, are you two talking about me?" A shrill and far too childish to be real, voice said.

Both boys once more turned their heads in horror to the psychopath who the voice belonged to. Arthur's horror soon turned to anger, while Merlin's turned into resignation; he knew what was coming and had accepted it.

"You sick, twisted bas—"Arthur began but was interrupted by Arcturus.

"I'd love for us to trade meaningless insults for a while like you and your servant do, but I'm rather on a tight schedule. I have a certain manservant to break." He turned to face Merlin who was glaring defiantly at him. "What about it, mmm, Merlin? Are you willing to tell me what I want to know?" He paused, as if thinking, for a moment.

"I know! I can't expect something for nothing, I have to promise you something first. How about this: you tell me something, anything of Camelot's defenses, anything useful at all and I will give you some food and water. You must be very thirsty after all of that screaming. I will even use my magic, limited though it may be, to heal up your back and relieve the pain. And I promise not to hurt you as long as you cooperate. How does that sound?"

Merlin glared at Arcturus for a moment and then croaked out one, pain-filled word. "No."

He sighed as if he was truly regretful of what he was about to do. "Very well, then. But remember, you brought this on yourself." He raised his hand and pointed the palm at Merlin. Arthur wasn't sure what the man was doing until it was far too late.

"_Clæmnes ac ne sceaðennes." _Arcturus said and his eyes flashed that eerie shade of gold.

Merlin's back arched forward and his body strained against the chains that were holding him as another hoarse scream issued from him. He writhed and struggled as if trying to get away from some unbearable torment and his voice, which had already been abused as much as the rest of him; strained itself to its limits as the screaming continued.

Forgetting all about his previous conclusion that nothing he did could help the innocent young lad, Arthur once more began yelling and cursing, and even begging again just so that Arcturus would allow the inhuman torture to stop. But it was only after several far too long minutes that he released his spell.

Merlin gasped for breath and sagged in his bonds, his chest heaving and pain in his eyes.

"Please," Arthur begged without thinking twice about it. "Leave Merlin alone. I'll tell you what you want to know, just leave him alone."

Merlin's head shot up and his eyes met Arthur's and the prince could see fear in them. But he knew that it wasn't fear for himself, no, Arthur well remembered his conversation with Gaius; the boy was afraid for Camelot.

"Arthur, no!" he said.

Arcturus merely looked from servant to master and chuckled. "While I am impressed with your loyalty to one another, especially your resistance to pain, Merlin, I had expected you to faint on the fifth stroke, but much to my delight you lasted much longer than that.

"So, while it's all very touching I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer, Arthur. See, I want Merlin to tell me himself. I am just so impressed with him that I shall never have any peace of mind until I break him. Everyone breaks, even him."

"But you're going to kill him before that happens, look at him!" Arthur pleaded.

"I myself came to the same conclusion, so no need to fear, Artie, the spell I'm using doesn't cause any damage, only unbearable pain."

Arthur was really getting desperate by now. "Please, if you have to torture anyone then torture me, Merlin doesn't deserve this."

"Well, I don't need to torture you, Artie, because you have already broken." He gave Arthur a moment for that thought to sink in. "And as for Merlin not deserving this; did the hundreds of innocents that your father slaughtered deserve it? Face it, young prince; there is nothing in this world that is fair."

And with that he turned back to Merlin, who was looking far too content for what was about to happen to him. Arcturus seemed to think so too as he stretched out his hand and said the same words that as last time.

Merlin's body reacted immediately to the spell just as it had before. But Arthur could tell from his hoarse screams that soon, no matter how much pain he was in he wouldn't be able to voice it.

Arcturus continued casting the torture spell on Merlin and each time he did he held them for longer. He kept on given Merlin a chance to "end it all" but the boy simply wouldn't. But each time he was released from the throes of pain he looked that much worse.

After the fifth torture spell had been released Merlin once more sagged in his chains, but this time the defiance was gone from him. Then again, so was everything else. His eyes were unfocused and seemed to travel all around the room with no purpose. His face was pain filled, but other than that it was blank. The boy didn't look aware of anything anymore, and Arthur was beginning to fear that the torture had broken his mind.

When Arcturus asked him if he would tell him what he wanted to know and Merlin didn't reply, the sorcerer looked at Arthur.

"Maybe this will end up killing him after all."

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><p>Throughout each and every torture session Merlin could feel his grasp on his magic slipping more and more; and that scared him greatly. He had no idea of what would happen if he lost control of it, he had no idea of who he could hurt.<p>

The torturing spell that the man used wasn't supposed to cause any damage, but it was. Merlin could feel his twisted and foul magic colliding with his own, and, just like with Nimueh, it felt like a poison. His magic was taking a beating, and due to him constantly pushing it back it wasn't fighting off the poisonous magic like it should. Normally his magic would first attack the origin of the threat and then focus on what was inside him, but right now it couldn't do that.

Merlin could feel his magic slipping and his body slipping since in his current state it just couldn't take much more abuse. Soon he knew he would die, or at least go into a coma if he couldn't find some reprieve and extract the evil magic. But he doubted he would get that.

In fact, he nearly did go into a coma and only just managed to pull himself out.

He looked very blearily at his surroundings; Arthur was staring at him with fear and concern written all over his face. While Arcturus just oozed a sadistic pleasure. Merlin realized that he couldn't remember when the last spell had been cut off, _I must've blacked out or something, _he thought dimly.

His back was screaming in pain from all the thrashing around that he had been doing and his magic pulsed and ached and throbbed. And even though he felt the pain there was a thin wall of numbness separating him from it. As if his tired mind could no longer comprehend it. And in fact, when he had seen the looks on the faces of the only other people in the room it had taken him a full minute to register them. His mind was sluggish, but still didn't stop it from reacting quickly to the next thing that it heard.

Merlin saw Arcturus lean in close and start whispering something to him, and he thought that his ears weren't working properly since the voice sounded distorted.

"You seem not to care about your own life or happiness, Merlin. What you have gone through would make almost anyone break by now. So, since physical torture seems to have no effect on you I have decided to torture your heart instead. You're unfailingly loyal to the prince, so I wonder how you're going to react when I do this."

Merlin mind registered the last bit with perfect clarity and he watched in horror as Arcturus picked up a club and walked over to Arthur. After giving his victim one last sneering grin he turned and bashed Arthur on the head with the club. Arthur went limp in his chains.

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><p>Merlin could feel it, his abused body, his tormented and tired mind, his angry and powerful and indignant magic; he could feel them all breaking. And for once Merlin didn't care.<p>

His magic tore out of him, which elicited one final scream from Merlin since his frail body couldn't handle the strength of it. The pain reached an all-time high, much of his magic left him, and darkness covered his vision, and then everything was black.

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><p><strong>Don't kill me, I said that I'll update soon with any luck and I meant it. This is the end of the Merlin whump, though, there will be the aftermath of the whump which is almost just as good. I have to go now so I'll see you later.<strong>


	13. It's Not Over For All

**I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, it was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be. Maybe because I imagined it so many times in my head that I got bored of it. Who knows? I hope you all like it better than I do. And thank you for all the reviews that I've gotten; they've all been wonderful. **

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><p>Arthur woke up with a throbbing headache, though, not nearly as bad as the last one he'd had. He opened his sluggish eyes to look blearily at the face of a man.<p>

"Leon? What are you doing here?" he asked, not entirely sure that he was actually seeing the knight.

"It's alright, sire, you've taken a nasty blow to your head, just relax."

Arthur shifted slightly and realized that he was lying on a cold stone ground, which puzzled him since he had been standing up the last that he remembered. Yeah, he had been chained to a wall for hours on end and forced to stand up, which had probably was why he could remember his feet starting to ache painfully. _Painfully. _

Suddenly he sat up quickly and shouted, "Merlin!"

Well, it really wasn't much of a shout since the throbbing in his head got worse and he began to see black spots; something like that can really silence a person. Arthur felt a hand on his shoulder gently pushed him back down.

"Sire, please, you need to rest; you may have a concussion." Sir Leon said looking very worried.

Arthur lay back down as he was told but didn't give up. "Where's Merlin?" he asked.

Leon hesitated. "Some of the other knights are seeing to him."

"And how is he?" Arthur pressed. He was still a bit discombobulated, but that didn't stop him from asking about the servant that he knew was more than willing to give up his life. Which he had to admit worried him; he was afraid that that was exactly what had happened while he was unconscious. He needed to know that Merlin wasn't dead, even though he had the strangest feeling that he wasn't.

For some reason Arthur had always felt since meeting the boy that he would know the _second_ he died.

Leon hesitated again, this time for longer, and Arthur began to wonder if his not psychic hunch was wrong. But that must have shown in his face because Leon seemed to come to a decision about what to say.

"He's…bad, but I don't think that he's in any life-threatening danger at the moment. I believe that if we get him back to Gaius soon he will be just fine."

Arthur wanted to know if there was any new damage to the young idiot that he didn't know about, but he wasn't sure if he could even handle hearing about the wounds he had seen. If Leon mentioned the lash marks then that would make them real, and Arthur didn't know if he could deal with that. As long as it was only in his own memory or he even saw it with his eyes then it just might all be a nightmare.

Arthur sighed. "Help me up, please," he said to Leon stretching out a hand for him to take. Normally he would try to stand up on his own because his pride wouldn't let him ask for help, but lately his pride hadn't seemed to matter, that and he knew that if he stood up on his own then he would most certainly fall over again. Never let it be said that Arthur Pendragon doesn't learn from his mistakes.

"Sire, are you sure? I don't think it's w—" Leon began but Arthur cut him off, knowing what he was going to say.

"Just waiting around here isn't going to help my concussion and Merlin needs to get to Gaius as soon as possible."

Leon didn't seem to like Arthur getting up so soon, but he obviously saw the logic in what he was saying. He helped Arthur up and then the two made their way over to the other side of the room. What Arthur saw when he got there nearly made him want to throw up. Merlin was lying face down on the cold stone floor as three knights patched up his back as best they could.

Knights weren't trained very much in medicine; all they had to know was how to keep an injured person alive until he could be got to a physician. So Arthur knew that the bandages that were being applied weren't meant to last very long.

The three knights had covered up almost everything so the prince didn't have to see what had been inflicted on his servant again, but just seeing him lying there all pale and hurt; knowing what he had gone through seemed almost more than Arthur could bear.

The knights turned to him and he saw their faces and smiled a little.

There was Sir Kay; a skilled warrior with a natural kindness that becoming a knight had repressed for a little while.

Sir Osric; a big and rather beefy man who was a knight of Camelot to the core, and yet over time he had learned to think for himself.

And Sir Owain; a man with a kind and noble heart who stayed quiet most of the time, but you could always tell what he was thinking since it was clear on his face.

All three men, like the rest of the knights, had objected to the way Merlin had talked to Arthur, at first. The four nobles with Arthur at the moment had had looks of dislike on their faces when they heard Merlin address Arthur with almost no respect in his tone, and Osric had even looked as if he had wanted to give the boy a beating at the time.

But it hadn't been long before they had all warmed up to him, though, it had probably helped that Arthur rarely ever made good on his threats to the manservant. For one, the boy was just so silly and clumsy that anyone would have trouble not laughing good-naturedly at his ridiculousness. And for another, he had a kindness and loyalty that only ever endeared himself to people.

He had even helped each of the knights out with something at one point in time without needing to, without even being asked. Arthur knew that Merlin just wanted to help people whether or not he was told to, and he believed that the knights had finally begun to see it as well.

Of course, any of the men that had been skeptical about the boy had had their minds changed when he had drunk poison for Arthur; the prince knew about some of the respect that simple act had earned.

These knights, who had all once hated or at least disliked Merlin, now were the ones taking care of him, and that was why Arthur had smiled. Merlin was surrounded by his friends, by the people he had changed.

Arthur was brought out of his thoughts when he realized that the very same men he was thinking about happened to all have very guilty looks on their faces; it took him a moment to realized why.

Normally the a knight's first priority would be to look out for the prince, but instead of them all congregating needlessly around Arthur, three of the four there had gone to take care of a servant; something that Arthur knew his father wouldn't approve of. But the prince couldn't have been much happier with their arrangement.

Leon, who had been hovering by his side in case he needed help, interjected on the men's' behalf. "Sire, we made sure that you didn't need their assistance, and we decided that Merlin needed much more attention."

He looked like he was going to continue defending his men but Arthur stopped him. "It's alright, Leon, you all did the right thing." Even though his brain was no longer very foggy his body was exhausted. "Let's go back to Camelot."

It wasn't until they were on their way back home that Arthur voiced the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since he had woken up. Actually there had been several.

He had wondered what had happened to Arcturus, but that question was answered when he emerged from the underground dungeon and saw a few more knights securing the sorcerer's limp form to a horse.

The outside of Merlin's and Arthur's prison just looked like another part of the forest. But he could see that lying on the forest floor was a big metal hatch that seemed to have been blown off its hinges. The once safe-house had a square opening and from there one would descend a small flight of stairs and then they would find themselves underground. Arthur assumed that the metal slab had once been the door to this place, and now looking at it he could only wonder how the knights had found them. Arcturus hadn't lied; all you'd have to do would be to cover up the door with leaves and moss and it would look like ordinary ground. It would become almost impossible to find this place even if you did know what to look for. So how had the knights managed it?

And that is exactly what Arthur asked. "How did you find us?"

Leon, who was riding alongside Arthur, looked over at his prince and couldn't help but smile slightly at what he saw. Arthur had insisted that he ride with Merlin; the boy couldn't ride alone and the future king had wanted to do it. Despite how tired he was and all he had gone through, Arthur Pendragon refused to let anyone else take care of his servant.

The boy was unconscious, thank goodness for small mercies, and so he couldn't feel the pain that the bumping and jostling of riding a horse would inevitably cause him. He was resting his head, and indeed his whole upper body on Arthur's chest, which they had managed to find a shirt for. They had even found a shirt for Merlin so that his all too cold skin could start warming up.

Arthur didn't seem to mind taking care of his servant, in fact, he seemed to feel better just being able to know where he was at all times. The prince didn't even seem self-conscious of the fact that his servant was laying on his chest.

Leon couldn't help but feel proud at this display of selflessness and lack of pride, he just wished that it hadn't come now; at such a high price.

He answered the question. "Well, when we were out on a patrol yesterday we found yours and Merlin's horses tied up in a clearing. They didn't look like they had been there for very long. So when we realized that you couldn't or simply weren't coming back for them I guess we realized that something was wrong. I went to your father and he told me to set up a search party for you since he believed that the sorcerer might have attacked you."

It wasn't until then that Arthur realized that the man that had kidnapped the two of them and had tortured Merlin must've been the very same sorcerer that his father had warned him about. It seemed like such a long time ago, now.

Before Leon had a chance to continue he asked, "What day is it?"

The noble looked slightly worried at that but answered anyway. "It's been about two and a half days since you and Merlin left."

_It's still the third day? I must have been unconscious for only a little while. _

"Anyway," Leon continued, "we really had no idea of where to find you and I honestly don't think we would've if..." he trailed off.

"What?" Arthur asked, a strange excited feeling in his stomach telling him that he may already know the answer.

Leon still looked hesitant but he answered anyway. "We knights were in the forest when we all heard a rumble; it sort of sounded like thunder. And then in the distance we saw this...light."

"You saw a light?" Arthur asked skeptically.

"I don't know if 'light' is the right word to describe it, sire. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It was white, and golden, and a lovely blue color. It seemed to originate from somewhere in the forest and shoot up into the sky. Imagine multi-colored lightening coming from the ground and going upwards.

"Anyways, we decided to follow it; thinking that that's where you and Merlin might be. When we got close to it the light seemed to fade away and all that was left was that hatch; blown off. So we went inside and found all three of you as you were; face down on the ground and unconscious."

Arthur had been thinking about the light and whether or not it came from the same person that saved him in that cave when he heard the last bit of what Leon said.

"Wait, we were all lying on the ground when you got there?"

"Yes, you, Merlin, and the sorcerer were all on the floor and looked like you'd been knocked out by something." Leon looked confused; as if he didn't understand what Arthur was asking about.

Arthur had purposely tried to avoid thinking about what had happened before he had woken up with Leon staring down at him; he didn't want to remember. But he knew without a doubt that what the knight had said made no sense.

"Leon," he said slowly, "before I was clubbed on the head none of us were unconscious. And we were all standing. Forget about the sorcerer, Merlin—" he involuntarily winced, "—and I were chained to a wall. We couldn't have lain down if we had tried."

Now Leon looked even more confused. "Then, what happened? When we arrived no one was chained up, though, I suppose you and Merlin _were_ lying underneath some chains."

Arthur wasn't sure what this all meant. He looked down at the servant that was sitting in front of him and leaning on his chest. He felt better knowing that merlin was there, that no harm could come to him. He wondered if maybe this strange boy who always seemed to have an answer when no one else did might be able to tell him what had happened.

They had been riding for several minutes when Arthur heard Leon tell a knight to ride ahead and warn Gaius about his ward's condition; they were nearly home.

The prince sensed the knight's eyes on him and turned to look at his second in command.

"If you don't mind me asking, sire, what happened?"

Arthur sighed; he'd had a feeling that this was going to come up, but unfortunately he simply couldn't handle repeating it just now. Especially since he'd have to tell both Gaius and his father soon enough.

"Something that never should've," he answered. He turned his head to stare at Leon; a man who had been his mentor since he was one of the few knights that was more than a couple of years older than him. "Something that will never happen again."

And as the future king rode with his knights and best friend into the castle courtyard and he saw the anxious looking physician and the other worried looking people, he bent his head slightly and whispered into his servant's ear,

"I told you I'd get you back home."

Little did Arthur know that even though Merlin's body was home; his mind and soul weren't. They were still on the battlefield fighting to survive; fighting to get back to Arthur, to his family.

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><p><strong>So, here's the thing: this story is almost done. Because everything I write ends up being a lot longer than I planned can't give you an exact estimate, but I'd say somewhere around four more chapters. Obviously I want to get started writing the sequels to this, let me tell you I have a lot planned, but I have some other stories I want to write as well. On my profile I've got an ever-growing list of my ideas. So, if any of you want to go and check them out and vote or PM me as to which ones you think I should write next I'd be very happy. I've got a lot of ideas, so I want your input. Just vote on the poll that I'll be putting up soon or message me as to what you would like to read and I'll get to work on it. I like all of my ideas so it's really up to you guys as to what you want. I hope I'll update soon! Please review! It helps! I don't know why I'm doing so many of these "!"<strong>


	14. Arthur's Breaking Point

**Okay, I _really_ liked writing this chapter. Due to the fact that I have far too many things planned this is going to probably still have another five or six chapters, sorry for misleading you. **

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><p>Gaius rushed down the castle steps. "Oh, my boy, what has happened to you?" he said, but it was so low that Arthur wasn't sure if he had heard it at all.<p>

A knight had already dismounted and was standing next to Arthur's horse with his arms out; clearly meaning to take Merlin from Arthur so he could also dismount. After he had gingerly lowered the boy, mindful the entire time of his injuries, into Sir Osric's arms, Arthur got off his own horse. His joints were stiff and ached a lot due to all the abuse they had taken recently. Arthur's entire body was shouting at him to go and sleep for the next five days, but the prince knew that he couldn't. Merlin was far more important.

Sir Osric carried Merlin over to Gaius and the physician took one long, sorrowful, worried, painful look at his ward, and then the mask slipped into place. "Bring him to my chambers, quickly." And with that the old man turned around and hurried up the steps; probably already thinking about what to do for his boy.

Arthur wanted more than anything to follow but he knew that he couldn't. Unless he was ill, or unconscious, or injured he was always supposed to report to his father immediately after an event like this. Disobeying that rule would only end up making things worse for Merlin; Arthur remembered all too well what his father's reaction to Merlin's selflessness had been last time.

"_Because his life's worthless?"_

"_No, because it's worth less than yours." _

No, putting Merlin before his father could only cause more problems for the boy. First he had to report to his father, and then he would go and see Merlin.

Arthur wearily made his way to his father's council chambers, wishing all the while that he knew what was going on with Merlin. This was exactly how it had felt last time.

When he had been riding, and fighting, and searching in the hopes of finding the cure for Merlin he couldn't help but fear that the idiot had already died and that it was all for nothing. And when he had gotten back he hadn't even been allowed to see him before he was locked up in the dungeon. And when his father had crushed the flower he had feared that his servant's life had been crushed along with it. But thankfully it hadn't been so; the flower hadn't been destroyed beyond use and Gwen had come to get it.

He'd been so afraid when the real maid with his food had appeared and the guards had known that she wasn't supposed to be there. For several agonizing hours he had wondered if Gwen had managed to get the antidote to Gaius in time, or if the guards had caught her, or if maybe Arthur had just taken too long in his quest and Merlin was already dead.

The waiting had been a torture all of its own, and now that's exactly what it felt like. He knew that Merlin had the best medical care that Camelot had to offer and that Gaius wouldn't let the boy go without a fight, but he simply couldn't help but worry that something horrible was happening to his servant as he walked to give a painful report to a ridiculous father. But Arthur knew that worrying wouldn't help any and that he just needed to get his talk with his father over with and then he could see to his friend. So he resolutely pushed all the painful thoughts into the back of his mind and walked right into the royal court.

"Arthur." Uther looked up from something he had been reading and the prince could've sworn that he had heard some concern mixed with relief in his father's tone.

Arthur knew that the second he had been spotted a guard would've been dispatched to inform the king of his son's arrival. Even so, Uther looked as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders when he saw his only heir. And for a moment Arthur forgot about Merlin and the living nightmare that had been the past twenty-four hours, and simply enjoyed the feeling of knowing that his father did care somewhat for him.

But then the moment was gone and Arthur straightened up and walked over to stand a few feet away from his father.

His father seemed to pull himself together as well because his voice lost the concern. "Arthur, you're back. I trust you are not unwell?"

_That's his way of asking 'are you alright?' why can't he ever just ask that? _Arthur wondered."I'm a bit tired, but it's nothing that a few hours of sleep can't cure," he replied.

Uther's eyes softened marginally. "What happened while you were gone?" he asked.

_Oh, so many things, _Arthur thought. "While my servant and I," Arthur made sure to refer to him as just that; he doubted his father had forgotten his recent disobedience so soon, "were on our way back we came across a man."

Uther stiffened at that, no doubt he had heard about the sorcerer who was probably already in the dungeons; so the king probably knew what was coming.

"He _looked _like he'd been attacked by bandits. However, he was not a man in need of assistance as I originally thought, but was in fact a sorcerer and had merely enchanted his appearance."

Uther looked really angry at that and Arthur couldn't help but feel irritated by it; didn't his father ever change at all?

"He knocked both me and my servant unconscious with his magic. When I woke up we were in an underground dungeon that he said had once been a safe-house for those who used magic." Arthur was about to continue when he saw the look on his father's face.

"Ah, those things. Yes, I remember them; I used to be so confused when those who weren't very powerful would seem to vanish into thin air. And then I realized that they didn't vanish at all, but instead they simply went underground. I thought I had destroyed all of those outposts; apparently not. The knights will have to be more vigilant."

There was a gleam in his eyes that Arthur recognized as the excitement he got when it came to having some new magical threat to hunt down. The prince didn't think that his father was even aware of his addiction to it, but the Arthur found it mildly disturbing.

"Anyway, please continue," Uther said.

Shaking himself out of his less-than-pleasant thoughts, Arthur decided to do just that. "The sorcerer, who called himself Arcturus, told me that he wanted information about Camelot and its defenses, as well as its weaknesses."

"What did he plan on doing with the knowledge?" the king asked.

Arthur was glad of the distraction so that he could put off telling his father about what had happened next; he just wasn't sure if he could handle it yet. Years of training and plenty of preparations for becoming king were all that was keeping him from breaking down. Ever since Merlin had drunk that blasted poison things just hadn't made any sense, and now; with the last twenty-four hours feeling like a kind of hell he hadn't known existed, Arthur felt like it was all too much. But he held himself together.

"He said he was going to sell the secrets to whoever could pay the most and had the greatest chance of bringing down Camelot with them."

"Someone with magic?" Uther asked, even though his son was pretty sure that the king already knew the answer.

"Yes." Arthur paused, he just wasn't sure if he could go on, but he did. "Obviously I refused to tell him anything."

Uther scoffed; as if the idea of his son doing anything to hurt Camelot was ridiculous. Little did he know that Arthur would've told the man whatever he had wanted to know if it would've meant Merlin being alright.

"So he…"Arthur felt a big lump in his throat, but pushed past it with a lot of difficulty, "he was going to torture me but thought that-that my servant, Merlin, had to know some of what I know and he de-decided to t-torture him instead."

Arthur was barely holding it together. The small breaks in his speech could be explained as hesitation or exhaustion or even the concussion he probably had, though, he hadn't felt like he had one until now.

That's what anyone hearing this conversation would think of his pauses as, but Arthur knew better. He knew that it could quite possibly be a combination of all of those, but in the end he knew it was because he had watched his best friend get tortured and he hadn't been able to do anything about it.

"I'm sorry, my son," Uther said, looking genuinely regretful, "It's never easy to watch anyone get tortured, especially someone you know. And it's even more horrific to watch them break; knowing that that might happen to you someday. Everyone has their limits."

Though Arthur could tell that his father was trying to be understanding and even comforting his words only made him angry.

"He didn't break, father!" He barely managed to keep himself from yelling. "That man tortured him nearly to the point of death and he still didn't break! He didn't tell the sorcerer a single thing that could be used against Camelot! I don't know if I could've been that strong. And this all came from a servant who a little over a week ago you told me to let die."

Arthur stared at his father in anger, and his father stared back; stunned. Even though Arthur hadn't directly yelled, but the tone in his voice and the words he used was something that could get him thrown in the dungeons again.

The prince put his head in his hand; his headache was coming back. There was a strange silence in the room for a minute and Arthur could only be glad that it was just him and his father there; no one else needed to see his tantrum. If they had then he would most definitely be thrown in the dungeon, and he really didn't want to be kept from Merlin like that again.

He turned to look at his father. Though his voice was quiet; it lacked none of the power and passion that it had before. "Last I saw of my servant he looked half dead. I dare any knight, or noble, or royal, or servant to go through the same thing he did and not be very, very close to breaking. Because I swear to you, father, he wasn't."

Arthur turned and strode out of the room and made his way to Gaius' chambers; not knowing the impact that his words had made on his father, on a certain king's ward hidden in the shadows, and on a warlock that, though he was nearly dead, still heard his prince's declaration. And though it would be many years until he remembered what his friend had said about him, the words spoken by Arthur Pendragon of Camelot would end up making all the difference in the world.

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><p><strong>I, personally, really liked the last five hundred words or so, but whenever I re-read something I've written it always ends up not being as cool as I thought. Well, I hope you guys liked it. Oh, and I was really surprised that a lot of you liked the last chapter; guess it was better than I thought. Once again thank you for all the reviews, I'm nearly to a hundred! I had originally hoped to get to 50, but this is awesome! Thank you all, you guys totally rock! I love you all! (:<strong>


	15. The Strain Of It All

**So, I'm not happy with this chapter either. I think that school has been killing my creativity. If you all read this and tell me it is junk then I will promise you that I won't update until I write something better. It's up to you all. Anywho, as some of might have heard I began another story, it shouldn't be anywhere near as long as this one, though. I wrote it because it was easier to write than this chapter. If you guys wish for me to update that instead of this one then I will try to comply. The same if you want me to just finish this story. Though, honestly, I am not feeling very confident in any of my ideas at this point. It sorta feels like some wacko took a gun to the heads of all of my muses and now I have nothing to work with. Maybe I should just take a sort hiatus. I don't know, review and tell me what you think/want. Oh, and thank you to everyone who has responded to _"Why You Don't Mess With Merlin" _so nicely, it really is quite amazing. **

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><p>Morgana had heard from Gwen as she had rushed in to ask her mistress if she could have the rest of the day off that Arthur was back. Gwen had also mentioned that the reason that she needed the day was because Merlin was gravely injured and Gaius needed her help. Of course, Morgana had told her to go to Merlin; that she was fine and could do without her handmaiden.<p>

But as soon as Gwen had hurried back to Gaius' chambers the king's ward made her way to the throne room where she knew Arthur would be heading for, if he wasn't already there. From the look on her servant's face and the fact that a search party had been sent out for them Morgana knew that something bad had happened, and she wanted to know what. And if Merlin was sick or injured then this was no time to be asking him. So she would have to find out from Arthur, who really was the best choice—since she had a feeling that Merlin would downplay his own involvement in everything—despite the fact that he could be a bit thick at times.

She reached the throne room and intended to slip in one of the back ways when she heard the conversation going on in the room.

"Obviously I refused to tell him anything," she heard Arthur say.

She opened the door a bit he that she could see inside the room. Arthur looked pale and haggard, he seemed to be just barely hanging on to consciousness. But what she found more disturbing than the obvious fatigue and grime on Arthur; a clear sign of a difficult experience, was all the emotions that she could read on the prince's face.

He was doing his best to hide them and keep them in check but Morgana had always been able to see through Arthur, though, she doubted Oblivious Uther would notice them.

But they were there and clear. There was desperation, worry and fear, though from or for what exactly she had no idea. There was a mental exhaustion that she really hadn't expected; Arthur never looked as if his brain was about to melt! He never used it that much, after all.

A kind of sadness that a person only ever got after losing someone, or nearly losing them, permeated his face. Immediately Morgana thought of Merlin and just barely stifled a gasp; _was he really that bad?_

And lastly and definitely the most horrible was a look of someone who was at the end of their rope emotionally. Of someone whose emotions had taken such a beating that they were raw and bleeding. Arthur looked as if he was about to cry; about to break down right there from the sheer weight of his emotions, which was all impossible since Arthur never cried or lost control of himself like this. If he was ever feeling overwhelmed he'd just take his anger out on somebody; most likely Merlin.

Arthur looked terrible, and Morgana couldn't imagine what could possibly have happened to make him seem so vulnerable and hurt. It was rare to see even one of these emotions on his face, let alone see all of them at once.

Morgana was so overcome by what she saw in Arthur that she didn't even have it in her to feel properly annoyed or angry as Uther scoffed at the idea of his son giving up Camelot's secrets.

But the next sentence that came out of Arthur's mouth and the broken tone in which he said it was one that her mind had trouble comprehending fully for several minutes it was so shocking.

"So he… he was going to torture me but thought that-that my servant, Merlin, had to know some of what I know and he de-decided to t-torture him instead."

Merlin stared at Arthur in total shock at what he had said; _Merlin was tortured?_ Morgana couldn't see Uther's face from where she was but she could tell by his response that he detected at least a _little _bit of his son's distress.

"I'm sorry, my son. It's never easy to watch anyone get tortured, especially someone you know. And it's even more horrific to watch them break; knowing that that might happen to you someday. Everyone has their limits."

_Oh, yeah, never mind that an innocent person who just happens to be your son's servant was tortured! Did you even stop to think that that might be why he looks like he's been through hell; not because of fear for himself? _Morgana thought. _Now_ she was angry, angry because her guardian couldn't see what was staring him in the face. Angry because of what Merlin had had to go through. And angry because she couldn't just barge in and comfort Arthur like she wanted. She should've just entered the room through its normal entrance.

Arthur must have been feeling roughly the same way because the next thing that Morgana knew the prince was nearly yelling at his father.

"He didn't break, father! That man tortured him nearly to the point of death and he still didn't break! He didn't tell the sorcerer a single thing that could be used against Camelot! I don't know if I could've been that strong. And this all came from a servant who a little over a week ago you told me to let die."

Arthur stared at his father for a moment before putting his head in his hand as if he was in pain. And Morgana figured that he probably was since she noticed a spot of blood on his head that she hadn't been able to see before. And as she looked the prince over she noticed other signs of his ordeal.

She had already been aware of the dirt that covered him and how exhausted he looked, but as she narrowed her gaze she could see white bandages covering his wrists, which had small dots of blood on them. She could also see that some blood had trickled down the side of his face, though why Uther hadn't noticed it by now and ordered him to go and see Gaius she had no idea.

If Arthur looked bad then Morgana could only wonder with horror how terrible Merlin must look.

Arthur lifted up his head and said in a soft voice that she had never heard come from him before,

"Last I saw of my servant he looked half dead. I dare any knight, or noble, or royal, or servant to go through the same thing he did and not be very, very close to breaking. Because I swear to you, father, he wasn't."

Arthur turned on his heels and left and Morgana wondered again what could have possibly happened to cause this reaction from someone who was normally very respectful to Uther. She knew that his words told her some of what had happened, but she highly doubted that this was all of it. Arthur looked as if he couldn't register everything properly; as if he was so far beyond his breaking point that he didn't understand everything fully. And Morgana had to admit that that scared her some.

For a moment the king's ward simply thought about everything that she had heard, and then she came to a decision and walked confidently after the boy she thought of as an immature younger brother. Arthur needed help, she realized, and who better than her to be the one to give it? After all, she was pretty proud of him for standing up to his father without needing any encouragement from her; maybe he was growing up. Or maybe it was just another phase.

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><p>Arthur found that his head no longer hurt and that, in fact, almost his whole body felt numb, but he didn't care. He wanted to see Merlin and he wanted to see him now, and <em>damn<em> everything else.

His vision was blurry at the edges and at some point in time he had realized that the world kept on spinning for some reason, but once again he didn't bloody-well care. He had gotten his talk with his father over with and now he honestly felt like he was going to black out any minute but he still had yet to find out if Merlin was going to be okay.

It wasn't until he reached the door to the physician's chambers that he came to the conclusion that knowing whether or not Merlin was going to live could be a bad thing. _What if he's dying? What if he's already dead? What if he's awake and feeling better but hates me for not getting him out of there in time? _All these thoughts were spinning in and out of Arthur's head and he really wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. Nothing made any sense.

But as he heard the sound of someone coming down the very same corridor he was in and some small part of his brain realized that he should move before he's seen standing there like an idiot, he turned the handle on the door and stepped in.

Gaius and Gwen were both hunched over a person lying on the cot that the physician always reserved for patients. Arthur couldn't see anything of the person that they were attending and wasn't sure that he wanted to.

But they must've heard him for they both turned around. "Sire!" Gaius exclaimed. Arthur noticed the concerned look that crossed his face and realized that he had no idea of how bad he looked.

"How-how is he, Gaius?"

Gwen and Gaius shared a glance and then stepped away from Merlin.

It was different from when he'd last seen Merlin. All the blood had been washed off so he could see with a painfully perfect clarity what damage had been done. Almost as if he was in a dream Arthur walked over and knelt beside the bed that Merlin was on.

His back was covered in deep, angry, red lacerations. Blood still oozed, albeit rather slowly, from all the cuts and horrible-looking welts. From what Arthur could see Gaius had been putting some sort of ointment or salve on them; perhaps to reduce the swelling that he could see taking place, or to get rid of infection, or maybe to ease the pain. Arthur didn't know which.

Certain parts of Merlin's back had been bandaged up but most of it was still uncovered. As Arthur leaned in to see Merlin's face something caught his eye. On his left shoulder, which thankfully the whip hadn't damaged, he could see a tiny white line.

Arthur's mind suddenly jerked back to the underground cell; to when Merlin was about to get punished for his silence Arthur had seen undeniable evidence that the boy had been whipped before. Obviously this mark of his previous torment had been left unmarred by his most recent and therefore was as plain as day if you actually looked.

The prince still couldn't believe that he had gone through the same thing twice; that he hadn't broken out of the fear that would stem from his painful past. Arthur still wondered how and when exactly those horrible marks had been made, but now wasn't the time to ask his servant.

He put his hand on Merlin's bare and unharmed shoulder as he took the whole of the boy in. If it weren't for the deep state of unconsciousness that he was in then Arthur was sure that he would be in unendurable agony again. He looked just as bloodless as before and his face still had those lines of pain on it, as if, even where he was, he could still feel some of it.

The future king; the man who was supposed to unite all of Albion in peace, could feel tears coming to his eyes as he stared at his friend, his friend who had gone through far, far too much. But Arthur pushed back the tears, for he knew that once they started then they wouldn't stop.

"Oh, Merlin, how could anyone find it in their heart to do this to you?" he asked quietly.

He stood up and backed away from his unconscious servant, sniffed slightly and turned to Gaius. "Will he be all right?"

Gaius simply chose that moment to stare at Arthur's head. "Sire, why don't I take a look at you? You don't seem to be in very good shape yourself."

Arthur glared at the physician. He was feeling strange; first he had felt horrible, and then he had felt like he was going to faint, and then he had felt numb, and now it seemed he was getting his second wind. Anger tended to do that for him.

"_Gaius_," he said with a warning in his voice; second wind or no he still wasn't up to the older man's stalling.

The man sighed. "If I answer your question will you allow me to look at your head?" he asked.

"Yes."

Gaius looked over at Gwen and nodded towards Merlin and the girl went over and began applying something to his back.

"We are treating his wounds for infection, but it doesn't seem too bad yet; I think I managed to catch it in time.

"He's lost a lot of blood and I'm doing all I can for that as well, which unfortunately isn't much.

"Gwen and I have been able to get a little bit of water down his throat, but no food. That seems to be the biggest problem. His body is so weak that he can't handle the strain that lack of food and water will put on it. But as long as I can manage to get some sustenance into him, and keep him from losing any more blood, and keep the fever he has down, well, then he should be fine." He turned to look at his ward.

For some reason Arthur didn't quite believe the old man; he hadn't told him everything. "_Gaius,_" he said again, "what aren't you telling me?"

He turned back to look at the prince and Arthur was surprised by the fear and pain that he saw in his eyes. "I said he 'should' be fine, Arthur, but the true is…he's not. And currently he doesn't look like he ever will be again."

Arthur froze; a feeling of dread coming over him for what seemed like the millionth time in just a few days. Slowly, afraid of the answer he might get, he asked, "What do you mean?"

Gaius had a look of deep regret; as if he really didn't want to tell him this, in his eyes. "What I mean is, instead of getting better, Merlin is only getting worse. And I don't know why. If I can't do something to change the state of his health soon, Merlin is going to die."

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><p><strong>There you go; Merlin isn't out of the woods yet. Well, he is out of Camelot's woods, but...oh, you know what I mean. I just want you all to know that the bit where Arthur's feelings of exhaustion and numbness and such change is real. It's true, as a girl, or just perhaps as a human being, I have felt what it is like to have drastic changes in how I'm feeling physically when my brain and body have been through a lot. That all happens when the brain and body just don't know how to react because they're so drained. So, I wasn't being unrealistic. Please review and tell me what you think of my rather pathetic chapter, and also make sure to tell me if you think I should take a break for my story's own good.<strong>


	16. Merlin Is Dying, Or Is He?

**Well, it seems that all of you not only like the last couple of chapters that I have posted but you also want me to keep writing, and so I have. It might've been all of your reviews, or maybe the material in this chapter was just easier to write, I don't know, all I know is that I am once again enjoying my own writing. Though, perhaps everything I like you will all hate since I hate everything you guys seem to like. Let's hope not 'cause I really want you guys to like this chapter. There are two bits in this chapter that you have to read moderately quickly otherwise they will seem like crud, so I hope you guys can find those two and read them accordingly. **

**Wow, I have reached over a hundred reviews, (I know that this was the case last time but I forgot to mention it,) thank you all of you. This is so brillaint. You have no idea how happy I am with this. And I have even more alerts to this story than I have reviews, which means that you all want to continue reading. Thank you so much for all the support, I would not have gotten even remotely this far without it. I hope that you all continue loving it and so I'm going to let you do that now.**

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><p>And just like that everything came crashing down around Arthur. Merlin was dying. Arthur couldn't hear anything else that Gaius said, because he didn't want to. Unless he told him that Merlin was going to be alright, which he couldn't, then Arthur didn't want to hear. But two words did penetrate the wall of numbness in his mind. Words that he could not reply to because the answer was the reason for all of this. And Arthur, after all he had been through, simply couldn't take it.<p>

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><p>Gaius didn't miss the look of total despair that crossed Arthur's face, but he continued talking in the hopes that the idea of being able to help Merlin might pull him out of it. And maybe, just maybe, he could find out who or what had done this to his ward.<p>

He pulled the prince down and had him sit on a stool as he inspected his head. He cleaned away the blood and began to look at the damage, all the while talking to Arthur. But nothing seemed to have an impact on him except one question, but unfortunately the only reaction he gave was to flinch.

"What happened?" The look of blankness and emptiness continued only he seemed to withdraw deeper into himself, as if the question had burned him.

Just then the door to his chambers opened and Morgana stepped through. "Apparently Merlin was tortured by the pathetic excuse for a human that is currently occupying one of the cells." She walked over and pulled Gaius a short ways away from Arthur. "I don't think he's capable of answering any of your questions right now, Gaius. Give him some time and rest. And I don't doubt that some food would do him some good as well.

"I know you want to know exactly what happened so you can help Merlin, but you didn't hear Arthur in the throne room; I think that all of this has had a greater effect on him then we realize. Arthur may be a prat like Merlin says, but with that boy's help he is learning to care for others, and I think that right now he is seeing the consequences of that. Give him time. I don't think that there is much you can do for him at this moment. Later he will need your wisdom and help. Later he can help Merlin."

Gaius looked rather fondly at Morgana. She may be rude and fiery at times, but whenever her help or clarity of thought is needed she always gives out good advice. "You're right, Morgana. Here," he turned behind him and picked up a small bottle he had prepared for her earlier in the day. "To help you sleep, I know you're running out."

She smiled. "Thank you, Gaius." She turned to her maid who was now looking up at her. "Gwen, take care of Merlin; he needs your help far more than I do. I can take care of myself tonight and any other morning or night until Merlin is better." She turned back to Gaius. "Because I _know_ he will get better. I've never known you or Arthur, or even Merlin for that matter, to give up on something important to you."

And then she left; knowing that she had done her part.

Gaius went back over to Arthur. He seemed to be coming out of whatever trance he had been in enough to form a few words.

"Um, I need to go, Gaius, look-look after Merlin." And then he was gone; moving as if in a dream back to his chambers.

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><p>Arthur walked without really knowing where he was going. The numbness that had protected him from the world seemed to be incapable to protect him from his own dark thoughts. And in a desperate attempt to rid himself of them he had left the physician's chambers in the hopes that not being near Merlin; the object of all that he was feeling, would alleviate all that was going on in his mind. Unfortunately, as he walked the muddled thoughts and images only seemed to get worse. Without even realizing it he entered his room and sunk down on his bed, clutching his head in his hands as he did so.<p>

Pictures and memories reeled in his head, thoughts soared and random, and the voices of both the people he cared for and those that had hurt them plagued his mind.

"_He's lost a lot of blood and I'm doing all I can for that as well, which unfortunately isn't much."_

Arthur saw Merlin lying on the ground choking from the poison he had drunk. _"Because it is a gift. Everyone does it; everyone dies, it's natural, no…it's a blessing. Death is the ultimate goal." _

Merlin, who had done so much for him, who had been really the only one who had properly stood up to him and told him he wouldn't let him bully innocents, who had always put everyone before himself, had been tortured _so badly._ Arthur didn't understand; _why would he do that? Why would he give so much to a master who didn't deserve it?_

Merlin looking so pale and thin when he had been poisoned and now when he had been tortured. _"You had to get used to not eating sometimes."_

Arthur saw all of the parallels. And all of the differences.

"_She pretended to be someone in need of help, but she was, in fact, a sorceress."_ He saw the sorcerer lying on the ground; fooling them both into believing that he was injured and harmless. Well, Merlin knew. He may not have known right away but the boy _had_ known and _had_ told Arthur. But he hadn't listened.

_"Because his life's worthless?"_

_"No, because it's worth less than yours." _

His father not even caring that a good person had been harmed, just that his son learned a valuable life lesson.

_"Anyway, what I meant by that was…was that if you did practice magic then saving me would be exactly the type of thing you'd do. After all, it would have to be someone like you who'd use magic to save a Pendragon's life."_

The look in Merlin's eyes as Arthur had tried to protect him, and had even tried to get himself tortured in his stead. He saw the strange light in the cave, and the mysterious way that the knights had found them.

_"I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that…I will always try to be there for you to get you out of any messes."_

"_That's a promise."_

"_There's something about you, Merlin. Can't quite put my finger on it." _

Arthur saw and heard merlin screaming, and felt the overwhelming need to never hear that sound again. Remembered the cold and dampness of the cell they had been in and wondered on their way back to Camelot why the boy hadn't frozen to death already, especially considering his blood-loss. He remembered looking down at Merlin's wrists and seeing the same white bandages that were on him and how he couldn't believe that the boy had thrashed around in agony; hoping to be free of its grasp, and yet had still not broken.

Ever since he had woken up in the dungeon with Leon standing over him he had refused to really, properly look at his servant because he knew that he couldn't handle it. But now his mind recalled all the images he hadn't allowed himself to think about and unleashed them with full force.

His head ached with the weight of all of the images of Merlin thin, Merlin too weak to stand, pale, bleeding, in pain, unconscious. Arthur had felt his mind fraying at the edges before and now he could feel it unraveling altogether.

"_Merlin is going to die."_

_"You see, it's really all your fault, well, yours and Artie's here." _Arthur's fault that this had happened to Merlin.

Those deep lacerations in Merlin's back. The scars from when he had been whipped before. The symbol of the Morteus flower on his chest.

When he had told Merlin of his secret opinions about that light and how good it had felt to share them with the boy; how it hadn't felt right to keep anything from him before. _"That's the mark of a true friend."_

"_Merlin is going to die."_

_"I told you I would make you scream." _

Merlin screaming; his back arching in unbearable pain. His life's blood escaping his body through the many horrible wounds on his back.

Merlin lying on the forest floor unable to stand because he was so exhausted.

The deep circles under Merlin's eyes, the whip flying through the air and landing hard on his small back.

Gaius' voice, _"I wish to ask a favor of you….look out for Merlin…he doesn't have much sense of self-preservation… And I believe that it is that same kindness and purity of heart that will get him into trouble…the boy has no thought for himself…"_

Arthur's naïve reply, _"If I can't protect one measly servant then who can I protect?..._ _I will keep him safe."_

Merlin lying on a bed shivering and dying a horrible, painful death from the inside out as a poison destroyed him.

And then Arthur saw it; that moment when Gaius looked at him and told him what he had hoped to never hear again.

"_Merlin is going to die."_

Unbeknownst to him, a few silent tears escaped Arthur's eyes. His head hurt so much and everything seemed so _dark_. His body had been through too much; he hadn't slept much, he hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours, his mental, and physical and emotional limits had long since been reached—much like Merlin's had back in that cell—and Arthur's body finally shut down. He fell back onto his bed and was asleep in an instant. The sleep was a sweet and dreamless one; something that he wouldn't have again for a long while.

And as his body and mind recuperated and prepared itself for the next day, a single thought echoed in the comforting blackness, actually, it was more like a wish.

_Merlin, come back._

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><p>Though Arthur was getting a well-deserved rest others in the castle weren't so fortunate. Gaius and Gwen stayed up all night tending to Merlin, who with every passing second seemed to be slipping further and further away, and didn't even once think about sleeping.<p>

Uther was troubled by a terrifying thought and for that reason didn't get much rest at all.

The knights, who all in their own ways cared about Merlin—especially Leon—were too busy worrying and praying that their favorite servant that Arthur had had yet would be all right. He just couldn't die; life would be far less cheery without him.

The servants and one particularly motherly cook had heard by now of their friend's rapidly declining health and therefore they all were trying to think of ways that they could help that silly boy; so none of them got much sleep either.

But perhaps the person who had the most disturbing night was someone who would one day become like the very person who had tortured Merlin. Morgana, despite the new and improved potion that Gaius had given her, had a most horrible dream, a dream that scared her as a friend of Merlin's, as a person, and as the king's ward.

In the dream, or vision as it would later be known as, Morgana saw many things. This nightmare was much clearer than her others and much longer.

She saw Merlin lying on a forest floor and he was bleeding with a very distressed Arthur holding him. Then she saw Arthur standing in one of the many castle cells with a beat up and smiling man in front of him. She saw an orb of blue and golden and white light. She saw Merlin convulsing and thrashing around on the patients' bed. She saw a knife floating through the air. She saw Merlin staring up at the sky as a horrible great sound came from his mouth; an in human sound. She saw a pile of gold. She saw a hideous oozing black substance. She saw powerful and menacing storm clouds making their way towards Camelot. She saw a giant dragon land in a clearing and breathe on an unconscious Merlin. She saw a beautiful and dazzling light spread across a battlefield wrought with carnage. She saw a cave made out of black stones which reflected painful and despairing images. And she heard a powerful dragon roar.

She sat up in her bed gasping loudly; clutching her blankets in an effort to latch herself onto this world. When she calmed down a bit she looked out her window, but instead of seeing Camelot she saw all the pictures in her dreams. She knew without even having to think about it that some of the things that she had seen would not come to pass for a long while. So the frightening question was; why did she see them now?

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><p><strong>Yeah, I know, no Merlin yet, I am truly sorry for this but I still have some things that I need to get done in this story before we can have some more of him. I seem to be adding more chapters all the time; what up with that?<strong>

**So yes, some of the things in Morgana's nightmare are from future stories in this 'verse , I thought I would be nice and give you a glimpse of them. Nothing in her dream was from earlier on in the story or show and I did not show you anything from the future of the show. It's all things that I am planning. One of my reviewers has mentioned that there has been some unfair bashing of Uther and I totally agree. Even before that review I was planning on giving you guys a glimpse of his side of things. In fact, we got some of his POV coming up, so look forward to that. See ya later...**


	17. The Fear That Changes

**Wow! This chapter, I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it correctly, but I think I did. Oooh, yesterday was the one month anniversary of the day I posted my first chapter of my first story on this site, in fact, it was this very same story. I wanted to get this up in time for that but it wasn't quite possible. Anyway, for the readers of my other Merlin fic, yes, I do have part of the next chapter written so it should be up soon. **

_Warning: Possible creepy and bothersome things in this chapter. But no worries, nothing any of my characters say in this is anyway referring to rape, nothing, just thought you should know. _

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><p>Uther was stunned at the way he son had spoken to him. At first he had felt angry, but then as Arthur's words sunk in he felt slightly ashamed of the assumption he had made.<p>

But how could he have known? Though he expected his knights and those who had sworn an oath to him to protect Camelot and its secrets with their lives, he didn't really expect them to stand up to torture.

He _did_ expect them to resist it as long as they could, but he meant what he had said to his son; everyone has their limits, their breaking points. He knew that, given enough time, everyone would talk. So even though he would tell those loyal to him that he needed them to never betray Camelot for any reason he knew that should they break, he wouldn't blame them. He couldn't, it just wouldn't be fair, because, as much as he hated to admit it, he knew that even he had his limits.

He just hadn't even imagined that a simple servant would be able to withstand torture. He knew without a doubt that all of Arthur's previous servants would have broken before the pain had even begun, but perhaps this one was different. In fact, he knew he was different, he had saved Arthur from a sorceress, after all, that's why he had giving him that position; so that he could continue saving Arthur.

Not that he thought his son needed much protection, no, Uther considered Arthur to be more than capable of protecting himself. But he was only one man and sometimes one man can't do everything.

So he had thought that he would rather have a servant quick-minded enough to act if necessary, than a weakling that was too afraid to do much more than cower for his son's manservant.

He had known that the boy's courage came with a down side. Oh yes, he had been all too aware of some of that boy's problems. He knew that he was often late and even a bit disrespectful in his service to Arthur, and he was uncomfortably aware of the "almost friendship" that the two had. It was painfully obvious when Arthur had disobeyed him and gone on that stupid quest to save the servant's life.

But now in retrospect he felt that perhaps the relationship between his son and his new servant was a good thing. If Arthur didn't care about whether or not the boy lived then maybe…Merlin wouldn't be as inclined to save his master's life. So though the two were a bit closer than is proper perhaps, just perhaps, it may end up being a good thing.

But he needed to find out for sure. He didn't doubt that his son had gone straight to the physician's chambers—hopefully he got his head checked while he was there; Uther had been a bit frightened when he had noticed the blood—but it he had been staring out the window at Camelot for a good thirty minutes or so and didn't think that Arthur would still be there. So he made his way to Gaius' quarters. He needed to understand what had happened.

He knew that he wouldn't scold Arthur too badly for his outburst earlier due to what he had seen and gone through. When he had noticed the blood streaked down his son's temple he had realized that maybe the loss of temper was caused by more than just anger. Arthur had been through a lot and Uther didn't think that giving him hard a time for this was really what the young man needed right now. Plus, perhaps he was right about his servant; maybe he shouldn't have jumped to those conclusions.

When he strode regally into the chambers he immediately saw two very concerned looking people attending to a young boy who seemed to be unconscious. Then with a jolt he realized that the boy was Arthur's manservant, he just didn't recognize him.

He was lying on a bed and was shirtless and looked altogether small. And though Uther made it a point to never let the plight of anyone touch his heart too much he had to admit that seeing someone he had always considered an innocent looking so thin and, well, dead was a bit painful for him. Despite what most people thought Uther didn't just block out all his normal human emotions. Seeing an innocent hurt or harmed at all did bother him.

The two people; Gaius and the girl he believed to be Morgana's maid, seemed to be just finishing wrapping the boy's back in bandages, but he could still see a hint of what lay underneath.

The two spun around at looked at him in shock; obviously they hadn't expected the king to enter the room anytime soon.

"Sire," Gaius said after he had recovered from his surprise, "is there anything that I may do for you?"

Uther knew that what he was about to ask would seem strange, but he had to get some answers, he was the king after all; he really didn't need to care what anyone thought of his behavior. "No, I don't need anything right now, Gaius; I simply wish to know how the boy is doing."

Gaius, for his part, was dumbfounded that the king had come to ask that, and he was more than a little pained at having to repeat it again. "He's…he's not doing well, sire, I believe that he may not survive very long."

Once again Uther didn't let any emotions show, but inwardly he was sad for his longtime friend; he knew how much he had already come to love his ward. He looked at the pale boy, whose breathing seemed to be nonexistent, and was beginning to understand the way he son had spoken to him. But, unfortunately for his friend Gaius, he needed a bit more information.

"What is wrong with him? What injuries does he have?" No emotion.

The pain on Gaius' face almost made Uther want to take it back. Almost. "He's been tortured pretty badly, sire. From what I've been able to tell he was whipped quite severely and then not tended to. The boy didn't eat as much as he should've to begin with, and now I fear that his body simply can't heal itself."

Uther stared at the shallowly breathing boy and wondered what had happened in his life to allow him to resist that. Oh, he knew without a doubt that there were worse tortures out there and that the boy's hadn't even scratched the surface of them. But he was just that; a boy, so how had he been able to do it?

Uther simply nodded and then left, giving no explanation as to why he had come in the first place. So now he had some of his answers; Arthur had been right to defend the boy, for surely if he was dying then the torture must have been even worse than Gaius had described, and Uther believed firmly in giving honor to those who have earned it.

Now he wanted to find that other half of the answers he wanted, some of which weren't entirely connected to his son's anger.

So that was why he now made his way to the dungeon's; to get the rest of his answers.

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><p>Arcturus had always been fascinated by death, had always wondered what it was like, what happened after it. He had known; or rather felt that his own death was coming soon for a long time now. So when he woke up and found himself to be in a cell he didn't recognize he was pretty sure that he wasn't far away from finding out all he wanted to know about death.<p>

He knew that he hadn't always been this sadistic, but after he had lived through the Great Purge, albeit he had been just a boy at the time, and had watched so many people die he had realized that death is natural; a part of life. But though it was a natural thing Arcturus knew that it wasn't something that you tried to take control of.

He believed that death was a force of its own, not something that man could summon at will. And so above all reasons he hates Uther Pendragon most for his attempt at controlling death.

So when he heard the ominous footsteps approaching him he was glad rather than afraid. He knew all that was going to happen to him and what pain he would go through and he was pleased. He knew that Uther always kills sorcerers, there's never any room for doubt on that, but this time he knew would be a bit different. This time death would come when it was supposed to, which is when it becomes a gift.

Uther came and stepped into the tiny little cell that Arcturus was occupying for only a little while and they both, almost as one, smiled.

Uther, for one, was disturbed that a man who would soon die would smile at the man who was sentencing him. But he wouldn't let it get to him.

"So," the king said in a way that would have been intimidating to most people, "you are the man who captured my son." It wasn't a question.

But Arcturus answered it anyway. "Yes, I am. I am also the one who tortured his servant and planned on torturing him." He smiled again. It was unnerving; he was just sitting on the filthy floor and was looking up at Uther, yet the king felt more intimidated than the sorcerer.

Since waking up here Arcturus hadn't even gotten up once, hadn't even moved. Nor had he tried to use his magic for he knew that the potion which fuzzes a sorcerer's brain and makes him unable to use his magic would have been administered to him as well. Only an incredibly strong sorcerer would be able to use his or her magic after being given that drug. And even then they could be stopped simply with a higher dose.

He didn't exactly know what had happened. The last he remembered he had hit the prince on the head with a club, pretty hard too, and then had turned around and had seen a beautiful light that had engulfed him. The light had seemed to be made of all the colors in the world, and even some that he had never seen before. He knew that whatever that light had done it had to have been extremely powerful.

And then he had been in a completely different cell. And though the answer to what had happened still nagged at him he believed that he would never find out the truth in this lifetime. And that was okay.

"So, you admit it then? You confess that you kidnapped the future king in the hopes of torturing him for Camelot's secrets and then selling those secrets to this kingdom's enemies?" Uther asked; his voice stone cold with only a hint of surprise in it.

"Of course I confess to it," Arcturus said, still sitting on the floor and looking up at him like a little child listening to a parent telling a story. To someone outside watching the scene unfold it might have been funny.

"Well then, will you also tell me whom you planned on selling those secrets to and where they live?" It wasn't really a request.

The sorcerer looked up at him with a ghost of the sadistic gleam in his eyes. He smiled a smile that was filled with cruelty and madness. "I'm afraid I cannot tell you that. I must first confess my other secrets."

Uther tensed slightly, _more secrets? But why was he telling him that? Did he think that he would get out of his execution by helping him? _Something didn't feel right to him.

"And what are those?" he asked warily.

"The things I know that will come to pass. Actually, the things that I have guessed. When I originally decided to capture your _precious_ little Artie I planned on selling the information I gleaned from him, it's true, but now I believe my involvement in his life will have a different impact that I expected. And that's okay.

"I hoped to break him, to shatter him completely and utterly. But I see now that I will never get that chance. But I did have an effect on him, even though I barely hurt him at all. Physically. I think you know as well as I do, Uther, that that kind of trauma, that fear, that overwhelming weakness does something to a person. But what that something is, is entirely up to them.

"You know what I mean, how many people have you killed? How many have you tortured? Perhaps it may not always have been from your own hands, but the order came from your own lips. The pain you have inflicted, the screams that you have caused. And yet, somehow I think that you don't quite relish it as much as I do.

"Oh, I don't doubt that there have been some that you have enjoyed, for some people you smiled as you watched them burn. But overall I think that you do it out of some sort of misguided feeling that it is right; that it is necessary. But you don't take pleasure in it. I bet that most of the time you feel nothing at all.

"Me, on the other hand, I have a whole lot of fun with it. I've made it a point in my life to only do what I want to. And I only want to do things that are fun! But for you it is such a _waste!_ I really did enjoy torturing that poor servant, and he even proved to be an interesting challenge. And I am truly sorry that I didn't get a chance to try my hand at breaking your son, because I do believe that he would have been _just_ as entertaining."

Uther was more than a little angry by now; this man was insane and had a way of getting under his skin when it should have been the other way around. And the way he talked so flippantly about harming his son…

He leaned in close to the madman and spoke to him, his voice dripping with rage. "Well, you know what? I am going to enjoy your torture, your execution. And when you scream I will smile like I never have before. Out of all the magical filth I've come across you are one of the most twisted and vile." He went back to towering over him.

Arcturus didn't even blink an eye at the cold and cruel words. "Yes, you know full well what happens to a person. Your son is going to have to decide. Some people when faced with such fear and vulnerability become skittish and fearful of everything. They become far too aware of their own mortality and from then on are ridiculously cautious. Others wish to do to whoever they can what nearly happened to them. So, in a way, I suppose I pass on my legacy to them. They become sadistic monsters.

"And then some, some come away from this with a newfound believe or idea about themselves. Some actually learn something; they learn…what matters most to them…they learn what kind of a person they are. I wonder what kind of a man your son is. I am not a seer; I cannot see the future, I merely know people and how they think and act. I see the patterns they go through, the ideas that cross their minds, the beliefs that they mold and form. I don't know what will be, but I can guess.

"I believe your son may be finding out right now what kind of a man he is. What kind of a ruler he will be. Don't you wonder Uther, what thoughts and feelings are plaguing his mind? What hidden knowledge and painful revelations are making themselves known to him? What new fears and doubts are there that weren't there before? People always fear for that which matters most to them.

"So though, Uther, I may not have intended to be captured, or for your son to live, for his body to remain unscarred, I believe that my unintentional Plan B is working quite well. From now on whatever revelation Arthur comes to will affect the rest of his life. Slowly the fear that he experienced will change him, will make him into a different person. This encounter with me will change his life in ways that even I, a man who has no ties to the world which allows me to see so clearly, cannot foretell.

"The kind of king he will become will be shaped, though, perhaps not entirely, by his meeting with me. A man cannot go through such fear and danger without learning about himself along the way. Whatever is most precious to him he will from now on protect with his life and whatever else he has. Whether that be his pride, or well-being, or his own power and dominance over others, or his friends.

"But that all will be decided by what kind of person he is inside. I could have created a monster worse than even you, or I might've made a kind and gentle soul. Pray that you raised him well, Uther, for who this experience changes him into may very well rest on the kind of influences he has had in his life. The people in his life.

"I do not know what his fate will be. But I do not have to be able to tell the future to know without a doubt what yours will be. You will die alone, perhaps not physically; there may be some who mourn your death, but in your soul and in your mind you will be alone. Your son has the potential to be either very loved or very hated, but he shall be one or the other. But when you die you shall have a few that mourn you, and a few that will celebrate your end, but most will not care. They will be indifferent; they will look you over and turn their gaze to Arthur without so much as thinking your name.

"When you die you will be alone, in your heart, body, soul, mind, and spirit, because you did not allow yourself to care for anyone. That's what your trauma did to you; you simply forgot how to properly love. In the end you will die sad and frightened because you pushed everyone who would care for you away. And that…that is truly a sad fate."

Arcturus stared unblinking and emotionlessly into Uther's eyes. The king paused for a moment; stunned at the knowledge he had been given. Then slapped the man, the sorcerer, the vile filth as hard as he could and sent him sprawling. Then he turned and strode swiftly out, but stopped to talk to a man he had brought with him and had told to wait outside.

"Do whatever it takes to make him talk," Uther said with enough anger and malice in his tone to scare anyone. "I don't want to hear his screams stop until the names of who he was helping start."

It wasn't until he reached the staircase and began ascending it that he heard the first pain-filled scream, and yet, despite what he had promised, he did not smile. In fact, all he felt was fear; fear of his fate. A fate he could not change.

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><p><strong>I know, I was mean to Uther, but I was trying to set up for things that happen later in the tv series. I personally believe that that is what will happen to him, for the most part. I don't hate Uther but he makes a lot of mistakes and that this will be the price of them. I think that after everything that happens with Morgana this is basically how he is going to feel; betrayed and alone. <strong>

**Please review and tell me what you think, and if you say that I should never write long Uther bits again then I will try to heed that advice. **


	18. We Wish For Miracles

**I know, it's been far too long since I've updated this. But you must know that I will not be updating as frequently due to the awesome book series that I am reading. It's quite a long series. I also have some fans that I am desperate not to disappoint for my other Merlin fanfic. **

**Hey! I took a Merlin personallity quiz the other day and I came up as Merlin! This rocks 'cause he's totally my fav character. **

**Also, I added another story to my profile and poll, so if you like that idea then I will try to write that sometime soon. I've also added the option to choose a third choice for those of you who have already voted. Oh, and you can all stop voting for **_"Why You Don't mess With Merlin" _**because I'm already writing it.**

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><p>Arthur awoke physically feeling almost worse than he had when he'd fallen asleep. Though, emotionally he felt less like he was falling apart.<p>

His throat was painfully dry, his eyes seemed unable to open properly, he was beyond starving and he felt gritty and gross. He remembered being too busy and out of sorts the day before to really care much about himself. But now he felt like he could finally see to his own needs.

As he slowly got out of bed he noticed that it was already past lunch. Arthur sighed. He couldn't remember much of last night after he had left Gaius' chambers, only that it had been rough. He could still feel the ach in his heart at the thought that Merlin was dying. Part of him wanted to rush back to Gaius' quarters and stay with Merlin, and the other part wanted to hide, fearing the truth of the situation.

But Arthur knew that he wouldn't be able to go on or help Merlin at all if he fainted from hunger. So he poked his head outside of his chambers and told a guard to have a servant prepare him a bath and to bring him some food.

Arthur sat down on his bed and looked himself over and realized for the first time exactly how ragged he was. His pants were covered with dirt and grime, and both they and his shirt, which had once upon a time belonged to Leon, were now in tatters. And when he looked at his pillow he saw a little bit of blood on it. He'd forgotten about his head wound, though, it really didn't seem to hurt anymore.

Soon a servant came in and started to heat a tub of water and before long Arthur was sitting in a nice warm bath. Despite the fact that every second he was remotely awake was another second he felt like screaming in the pain and unfairness of everything, it still felt beyond wonderful to be clean again. The same with eating.

So though Arthur really couldn't enjoy anything properly he still felt loads better after getting the dirt off of him and some food into him.

At last, feeling quite refreshed physically—emotionally hadn't gotten much better—Arthur started headed towards Gaius' chambers. Again.

Arthur no longer felt like he was going mad, but he knew that it was probably only temporary. He still had hope that perhaps Merlin wasn't dying after all. Maybe the horrible news from last night had been only a dream, or maybe the manservant simply needed to get worse before he got better.

As he walked Arthur made sure to be on the lookout for his father, he really didn't want another confrontation right now. Uther would probably yell at him. He did feel rather ashamed with the way he had acted, and at the same time he felt that it had been completely justified. But whether it was justified or not Arthur knew that it hadn't been a particularly smart thing to do. If Merlin did end up living Arthur hoped that he father wouldn't go so far as to do something to the boy just because of his _own_ foolishness.

But thankfully Arthur saw no sign of his father and soon he was once again staring down at Merlin. But instead of Gaius or Gwen, this time it was Leon who was tending to the boy. At first Arthur just stared stupidly at the sight of a knight taking care of a simple servant, but then he remembered that Merlin was far from simple and that all of the knights knew it.

"How's he doing?" Arthur asked quietly, though, he still managed to startle Leon a little.

"Sire." He glanced at Merlin, the sadness unmistakable in his eyes. "He's becoming steadily worse. I wish I knew something that could help him, but I'm really just filling in for Gaius since both he and Gwen needed to get some sleep. He's Merlin's room so that I don't wake him." Both men gazed at the door that should have Merlin behind it, not a seriously sleep deprived Gaius.

With a sigh Arthur sat down on a stool next to Leon and took the cold cloth from his hand and began to wipe Merlin's forehead with it.

There was a few moments silence and then Leon tentatively said, "I understand if you do not wish to tell me, but, sire, what exactly happened to him?"

Unlike the night before when it had all seemed too fresh and nightmarish Arthur now felt almost resigned to it, almost like he wanted to tell it. But that didn't mean that it still wasn't painful.

"Something felt off," the prince chuckled mirthlessly, "he seemed to sense it before I did. We decided to come back early. And it was a good idea anyway; Merlin was already weak from hunger and lack of sleep before we'd gone on the trip. I suppose I really didn't want him to collapse on me again." Arthur realized that he was getting sidetracked in a way that must be very confusing for Leon.

"We found a man in-in this clearing. All Merlin had to do was touch him and somehow he knew. But I didn't listen; all I saw was a man who looked half-dead." Arthur remembered the look of pain on his servant's face after touching the sorcerer. "And all I heard was a servant who—never mind that he had already tried to give his life for me—didn't deserve to be listened to.

"Suffice it to say that the injured man was, in fact, perfectly fine. Fine enough to knock both me and Merlin out cold and bring us to his lovely little lair.

"Apparently Merlin had some strange resistance to his magic, so much so that the sorcerer had to cast a spell on him several times. The result of that was Merlin having a horrible headache that Arcturus said should have driven him mad. But it didn't.

"He was so impressed with Merlin's resistance to magic and pain that he…" He cleared his throat. "He said that as my servant he should know some of what I know. He tortured Merlin first." Arthur couldn't handle looking at Leon as he said this, so he just glanced away.

"He flogged him. I-I've never seen anything like it, Leon. I—" A single tear ran down Arthur's cheek but he didn't notice. "He didn't tell him anything. It wasn't even until after the twentieth blow that he screamed.

"He didn't beg for it to stop even once, Leon. He was flogged into unconsciousness and he still wouldn't tell him anything.

"And then, after all of that, he was tortured again when he woke up. That sorcerer used his magic on him and Merlin still wouldn't break."

Leon's eyes where now a bit wet as well, as were the eyes of a certain physician who couldn't sleep and had therefore heard every word.

"I was trained for that, Leon, all my life. But Merlin wasn't, he's never had to resist pain." Then Arthur looked down at the thin white scar on the boy's shoulder and wondered if that was exactly true. "I'm honestly not sure that I wouldn't have broken by then."

Arthur sniffed slightly and dried his eyes. "You know, lately I've been thinking that I have some sort of guardian, a magical guardian." Leon's eyes widened. "Yes, I've seen things happen that could only be caused by magic. Not long ago I think someone used magic to save me.

"Up until now I believed that this magical protector was good. I mean, why would someone evil protect me? A Pendragon? Saving my life is not something an evil sorcerer would do.

"But after all this…I think I was wrong. Whoever has been saving me is no friend or kind-hearted do-gooder. Maybe they've been protecting me in order to gain my trust so that one day they might stab me in the back, I don't know. But I do know that anyone who could stand by and watch—knowing that they could stop it—as an innocent person like Merlin was tortured has only cruelty in their hearts." Arthur's voice grew harder and colder as he spoke.

"This person knew that I was in danger in the cave, and he knew the _second_ that Arcturus hurt me. He must have known what was happening to Merlin and he didn't stop it.

"You said you saw a light that led you to me, and you also said that we were all unconscious when you found us. I sincerely doubt that Arcturus would have knocked himself out. Whoever has been protecting me only helped when the sorcerer hit me on the head with that club."

Arthur was practically shaking with anger now. "He let _Merlin_, kind, innocent, silly, _friendly_ _Mer_lin get tortured and did nothing about it. I don't know who this person is, but I do know one thing…he's no friend or ally of mine. If I ever find this person, I'll kill him."

Gaius' heart sank as did the heart of the other person they thought too asleep to hear.

The anger vanished from Arthur's face as quickly as it had come, only to be replaced once again with the overwhelming sadness. "I still can't believe it, Leon; you should have heard…he screamed so badly. I still can't quite believe that he did that. Why he would go through that? Anyone else would have…he's not a knight or some noble, he's just a servant. I don't know why he did it."

Both knights turned around then as they heard the door to Merlin's room creak open and they watched as Gaius walked out. His voice was quiet and pained. "When you think of him just being a servant, when you think about his job or what he was taught then it seems a miracle that Merlin would ever let himself go through that, sire. At any time he could've have told that man what he wanted and spared himself the pain. He could have done what any other servant would have. But he didn't and that's what seems so unfathomable.

"But if you think of him, not as a servant, but just as himself, as Merlin, then you realize that he could have never done anything else. That's just who he is…Merlin. And Merlin didn't protect Camelot because he was a servant to the prince, but because he was his friend." Gaius stared pointedly at Arthur.

Arthur stared back at the old man for a long moment, vaguely noticing that his eyes were red. He looked at Leon at also realized that the knight's eyes weren't entirely dry either. The prince wiped his own and looked down at the raven-haired boy who was his friend.

What he said was more to Merlin than anyone else. "I don't know why I'm crying over you, you're a lousy servant. Not to mention lazy. It must be the concussion."

Gaius' head snapped up from where it had been looking at the floor at that. "Actually, sire, when I checked your head last night it was fine, if a bit bruised. It was strange, though, there looked to be more than enough blood to cause a massive concussion, but there is none." The physician gave Merlin an odd glance that Arthur didn't understand.

The prince pushed all thoughts of a concussion away; if it was his magical protector at work then he didn't want any more of his _gifts_. "Are you sure Merlin is still…that he's not getting any better?"

Gaius felt like crying, but he didn't show it. "Merlin is stronger than he looks, sire, by all rights he should be healing, not getting worse. His back has begun healing and he shouldn't be in such terrible danger from lack of food yet, but still he is dying. His body is acting like there is a horrible poison in it."

_Poison again, _Arthur thought.

"Is there anything that you can think of that happened while you two were…captured that might cause this?" Gaius seemed to be almost pleading for the knowledge that something else had been done to his ward, though, Arthur knew it was because he wanted to help him.

The prince thought for a moment. "Arcturus did torture him with his magic, but he said that it wouldn't cause any damage, only pain. He…he wanted Merlin to stay alive long enough to break him." Arthur nearly choked on his own words.

Gaius and Leon looked kind of sick at his words as well. "His life is fading, Arthur, if I can't find the cause of whatever of this is, and, more importantly, the how heal him, I fear that he will not live for much longer. Three or four days at best."

Arthur sighed defeatedly, he wanted to go and cry some more. But he didn't. "Is there anything I can do?"

Gaius looked apologetic. "I need someone to help me take care of him sometimes and it would be nice if you could help me get some food into his stomach, but other than that there's not much any of us can do for him."

Arthur really hadn't expected there to be.

The prince stayed and helped out a little; they managed to get a few bites of a thin soup into him, but he left when Gaius said that he had to change the bandages. Arthur _really_ didn't want to see what had been done to him again.

He was just about to enter his room when a guard came up to him.

"Sire, I have a message from your father, he wishes to speak with you in the throne room."

Arthur groaned inwardly. _Time for me to be scolded,_ he thought.

* * *

><p>Nothing was real, and yet everything was. There was no light or blackness; there was just nothing. But at the same time there was everything. He knew everything about himself, but at the same time nothing because as soon as he knew something he would forget it, only to remember it and then forget it again.<p>

He knew other things too; things that he didn't understand, things that had no connection to him. He could feel the flow of time agonizingly slow and terrifyingly quick. He just didn't understand. But through the constant knowledge and the forgetting of that knowledge he felt a familiarity; a sense that he had done this before.

Another rush of painful and frightening images swept through him, leaving him anxious for the forgetting again. And forget he did because his brain could not be expected to handle so much knowledge.

Merlin, for that is who he knew he was; one of the few things he did know for sure, somehow felt that he was seeing everything, which is why he had to forget. Because no one can know everything.

He wasn't sure where he was exactly, but he knew he had been here before, only this time it was different. He felt both hopeless and hopeful. Hopeless because he didn't think he'd be able to handle anymore; his mind and body had been through too much for him to want to live. And hopeful because this time he had an even greater reason to do just that. He didn't know the cause of the reason or what its name was, but he knew that it was something powerful, something he didn't want to leave alone.

He felt like he was dying; this was what it had felt like before, both times, and he was fighting as hard as he could. The problem was that he didn't know what he was fighting.

He was in pain; a deep pain that transcended everything to get to him. That was what it had been like the last time. The first time the cause of his near death had been anger and cruelty. The second time had been due to a magically enhanced poison, and that magic had been able to reach him, make him hurt more than he could ever remember hurting, which wasn't saying much since he couldn't remember much at the moment anyway.

But now the pain, not a physical pain but a pain of magic, was reaching him; acting like a poison all of its own. He didn't know how to stop it, the dark tendrils of cruel and sadistic magic, when he could hardly remember that that's what they were. His body was far too greatly damaged to be able to fight the ocean of fog that he was drowning in.

Suddenly he felt himself being lifted, not out of the fog exactly, just to a different place. He saw before him a dungeon with a man sitting cross legged on the floor. The man looked bad. His clothes were torn and splattered with blood. One eye was swollen and bruises seemed to be everywhere. But despite all that the man didn't look in pain. He didn't look tired or ready to pass out as his condition should've demanded.

And somehow the man looked familiar. Merlin couldn't quite recall where he had seen him before, though; he knew that he didn't like him.

Suddenly the man's eyes seemed to see him, seemed to look right into his soul. And he laughed. And with that laugh Merlin knew that whatever evil magic was killing him belonged to this man.

"Ha! With all my understanding of the world I never could have seen this coming! I want you to know that had _I_ known I would've never tortured you." The man was positively smiling with glee and all Merlin wanted to do was to get away from him, but some part of him told him to stay. And he listened.

"Oh, I was intrigued with you at the very beginning. When you stood up to me it was with a confidence that didn't come with great power, but rather with great pain. The pain of a survivor. I knew just by looking into your eyes that you were afraid, but at the same time confident that I wouldn't be your end because you had already lived through much.

"And I wondered how so much wisdom and age could be in one so young. Well, I suppose that this answers my question.

"And then when you were able to resist my magic and the pain that came with it I have to say that my curiosity was peaked. But I never, not even when I saw that beautiful light headed straight for me, even _begun_ to suspect _this_."

Merlin felt very uneasy around this man, and he was quite confused about what he was saying. He wanted to leave this place, to leave the feeling of déjà vu behind with this man. And he was also wondering how he could see him, Merlin couldn't even see himself.

"My magic is killing you, and yet it shouldn't be. You have the power to fight it, but for some reason you're not. I wonder why. I sincerely hope that I'm not the cause of your death.

"I'm afraid that I can't tell you that I didn't enjoy it, because I did. You were a lot of fun to torture. But looking back on it I must say that if I had known who you were I would never have played with your life like this.

"Just because I believe death to be the answer doesn't mean that I think it will always be so. I may be cruel and heartless, but my cruelty was born out of the hate and pain that Uther has wrought. But I have always believed that a time would come when death would be no longer a gift, but a curse. A time of beauty and peace and magic. I just never thought that I would live to see it, and it looks like I won't.

"Had I known that you are Emrys and who Arthur is I would have left you both alone. I don't wish to get in the way of the peace that the two of you will bring about.

"But perhaps it is a good thing that I did not know. Just like I told my friend Uther, trauma defines who you become. Maybe, if you live, I will have given you something that you need. The ability to resist pain? More knowledge about yourself and Arthur? Maybe I have even succeeded in making your friendship with Arthur stronger. Perhaps my crime against you will turn out for good… in the end." He smiled, though this time there seemed to be some sincerity in it.

"I hope you live. I'm not sorry I tortured you, but I will be very sad if you join me in the afterlife." The cruelty came back full-blown into his smile. "You can't die now, Merlin, Arthur clearly needs you to protect him. You've done a good job of it so far even without using your magic. I've grown up all my life hearing about the days of the 'Once and Future King' and I've always believed them to be true. Arthur will be a great king, but only with your help.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," the terrifying man shifted around at the floor and laid his head down, "I really must get some rest. Soon I will die, and I'd really hate to sleep through it."

The foggy room faded and merlin found himself drifting further and further into the nothingness that longed for him. But this time merlin was far too busy to let it begin to pull him under.

_Arthur, future, peace and magic, protect, friendship. _And just like that Merlin knew what he was supposed to be fighting for. He was exhausted, and the pain was gripping him once again, but this time he wasn't going to give in to it. _Arthur needed him. _

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><p><strong>So I think that most of my chapters from here on out will be longer because I still have way too many things I want to fit in and I'm supposed to be wrapping it up. Merlin should be coming back very soon so don't worry. <strong>

**Now, I have given the readers of my other Merlin fanfic the option to influence my updating choices. I would have had this chapter to you all sooner had it not been for my desire to please the people who have already given me nearly a hundred reviews for **_"Why You Don't Mess.."_**. So I think that it's only fair that I give you all a chance to play a roll in what I write. While I still plan on writing both stories the story that gets the most reviews will be far more likely to be updated. It is not my intention to blackmail any of you, but I'm simply stating that I am very vulnerable to bribery. **

**Oh, and please take time to vote on my poll, I _really_ want your input. See you all relatively soon!**


	19. Things Happen In This Chapter

**Oh, my word! Have ya'll, (yes I did just make fun of Texans, sorry,) seen the newest Merlin? It's so freaking brillaint! I won't spoil anything for you, but if you have seen it then please go and read the oneshot I wrote about it. I believed that they were a few scenes missing so I wrote them. I can't wait until next Saturday. But for now I give you all...THIS. I actually feel kinda proud of some of the things in this chapter, so please tell me if I have a right to. Some cool things happen in here. Thank you to everyone who had reviewed, you've all been so awesome. And as a treat this chapter is something like 4,000 words long, so BE grateful. (: **

**By the way, did anyone watch the last Doctor Who? Again, Brillaint! *sniffs* it's over. **

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><p>The higher and farther he climbed the greater the pain became. There was more than a few times when it was so great it seemed to be crippling him. But then he would think of Arthur and his strength would be renewed.<p>

Merlin wasn't exactly sure how long he had been climbing, or even _what_ he was climbing. All he knew was that Arthur needed him and that there was an evil magic inside of him trying to end his life. But he'd clawed his way back to life when Nimueh had poisoned him, so he could definitely do it now.

Along with the pain his memories seemed to be returning to him the closer he got to the surface. And he was retaining them. He no longer had the bouts of intense knowledge that were far too painful and numerous for his mind to handle. He was starting to remember who he was now.

Before it had been like he was covered in a fog so thick that he couldn't see himself, let alone anything else. But now the fog was thinning and even disappearing in some places.

He knew that something really bad had happened to him before he had succumbed to the fog, something really painful. But that wasn't the pain he was feeling now. There was a foul magic poisoning his own and every time he fought back against it, it would lashed out at him like a whip. Causing unendurable agony. The kind of agony that makes you want to curl up into yourself to hide from it. And that was precisely what the magic wanted, it wanted him to give up and hide, it wanted to win.

But Merlin wasn't going to give into it or the pain, Arthur was more important than this. Besides, it's not like he wanted to die, and that's what would happen if he let this evil overcome him.

Another wave of images from his life washed over him. He saw a man, the same one he had seen in the dungeon, standing in front of him and smiling.

_"Clæmnes ac ne sceaðennes."_

Merlin felt the ghost of the pain before and instantly recoiled from the memory. For a moment he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep fighting if more of _that_ was all he had to look forward to. But then he realized something. That man, the one that had hurt him, had hurt _Arthur_ as well.

Another memory. Arthur chained to a wall and the sorcerer, _Arcturus_, knocking him hard against his head with a club. Knocking him unconscious.

Merlin knew where he had felt the magic before. He knew who it had come from. It was the man that had tortured him and had hurt Arthur.

Merlin was hit with a sickening surge of revulsion that _that man's_ magic was inside of him. It was poisoning him. Arcturus, the one who had laughed, was killing him.

Well, not anymore.

Ignoring the even greater pain that was attacking him, Merlin rushed forward, almost flying back towards consciousness. He was angry. His magic felt defiled. And Arthur needed him. There was no way that Merlin, warlock, idiot, silly, clumsy, powerful; _Merlin_ was going to let Arcturus stop him from completing his destiny. From protecting Arthur. From using his magic the way it was always meant to be used, to help people. No one, not even the vermin Artcurus was going to stand in the way of that.

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><p>Arthur made his way quite reluctantly to the throne room where his father was. <em>This is the last thing I need right now, <em>he thought, _I'm barely keeping it together as it is. _

When he entered through the massive doors he immediately noticed that his father wasn't on his throne or at the table. He was, in fact, standing near a window and seemed to be gazing out it. Arthur walked all the way up to him without Uther so much as looking in his direction. _This is not going to be fun._

He finally came to stand in front of his father. "Sire, you wished to see me?"

Without turning around Uther said, "Yes, I have some things I wish to discuss with you."

Arthur only just managed to keep himself from cringing at that. This was hardly the first time he had angered his father, and he doubted it would be the last, so he might as well get through it.

"I'm sorry, father, about what I said to you earlier. It was disrespectful and without just cause. I apologize for the things I said to you, and I'm afraid that there is no excuse for them." _Now I've got that over with then maybe he'll calm down faster. _

"But I think there is, Arthur." Uther turned around to face his son and the prince was shocked to see that there was no anger on his features, only sadness.

"What?" Arthur asked, dumbstruck.

"From what I could make out, you intended to help someone in need and that person turned out to be a sorcerer. You were kidnapped and had to watch your own servant get tortured, all the while knowing that you would be next as soon as he broke." He turned back to look out over Camelot once more.

"You care about people, Arthur; there is no better quality that could be asked of a king. And the people of Camelot care about you. I have always strived to do what is best for those I rule, but many of my actions have caused people to hate me. But not you, Arthur, there are so many who offer you their loyalty freely. I believe your servant included.

"I did not intend to, but you saw what I said as an insult to your servant. But you must understand Arthur, and I think you already do, I never expected a simple servant to resist pain like that. I can understand how seeing something so horrible and so extraordinary and then have it insulted can be infuriating."

He put his hand on Arthur's shoulder and for once looked like a father, not a king. "I can't imagine how terrifying and painful this must have been for you Arthur. And considering the circumstances I do not blame you for getting angry with me. I probably would have done the same."

He looked into Arthur's eyes. "Do you know why I appointed him to be your servant, Arthur?"

The prince frowned at the obvious question. "Because he saved my life and you wanted to reward him."

"I may have said that, but I know that there are plenty of people in this world that would rather have gold than a job as a servant. No, when he saved your life, Arthur, I saw someone who could act quickly. Who didn't let fear or hesitation get in the way of important things.

"I saw someone who just might be able to save your life again someday. You are a very skilled warrior, but even you can't be expected to do everything at once. I know that your goal has always been to protect the people of this kingdom. One of these days you may be so busy protecting others that you might not see the man with a knife come up behind you.

"Of course, that's what the knights are there for. But I thought that out of anyone to be your servant I would rather have one who isn't afraid to act quickly, and can think fast enough to pull you out of the way of that knife. Out of all the servants you've ever had I don't believe that even one of them would have the guts to save your life."

Uther let his hand drop. He walked over and placed the same hand on his throne, once again facing away from Arthur. "Being king means that you have to make hard decisions, do horrible things, and worse. Ask others to do horrible things. We often have to use people, Arthur. Your servant knew things that we've already seen that people would pay quite a bit for.

"You had to ask an awful thing of your servant. You asked him to stay quiet, to let his silence condemn him. No matter what happens now you will always carry that weight, that guilt. And nothing can assuage it. But you had to, for Camelot. Sometimes, Arthur, innocent people have to suffer and die to protect the many. It isn't fair, it isn't right, and it's more painful and despairing than you can yet imagine. But you have to do it. That's what it means to be king."

He turned back and Arthur saw that his eyes were wet, if only very, very slightly. "And he kept his silence. That's why I made him your servant, because I knew that he could do more for you and be far more loyal than anyone else."

Arthur's voice was thick, but he still managed to say, "And for his loyalty he was tortured. And he's not just loyal to Camelot, but to me as well. He let himself get tortured for me."

Uther looked even sadder now. "I know, my son, and that is why I wanted him to be your servant. I used him."

For a moment Arthur felt angry at his father for doing this, but then he remembered that whether he had used Merlin or not he doubted Uther had had any idea that it would go this far.

"I know that I've not always been the father that you have hoped for. I have made a lot of decisions that I regret. That is also what it means to be king. I…sometimes get blinded by my arrogance and my power. And my fear." Arthur was even more surprised at this turn in the conversation.

"When you went on that quest to save your servant I feared that you might never return. I didn't want to lose you like I lost your mother. I know that you got very angry with me over that, but your life is worth far more to me and to Camelot than that of a servant's. To some extent, Arthur, I was merely being selfish. I can't bear losing you.

"But you managed to save your servant anyway. And still, because of my fear and arrogance, I wanted to teach you a lesson. I wanted to let your servant die to show you that disobeying me was never the smart thing to do."

He chuckled a little bit. "I still don't know how you did it, but your servant got the antidote." He looked into Arthur's eyes once again. "He risked his health and his life to warn you of the poison and then proceeded to drink it for you. The least I should have done was to allow him the antidote. But my pride blinded me. I forgot about why I appointed him, about how he deserved to be rewarded not punished.

"It's hard for me to say this, but…Arthur..I'm sorry. I was wrong to punish him for something you had done. It hurts me to admit it, but it's true."

A small smile came over his face. "If he had died then he never would have been there to protect you, and you may have been the one to be tortured. And for that I am grateful. His life still means less to me than yours, and don't expect that to change. I love you far too much for that, my son.

"Your servant was brave and loyal, and it gladdens me more than I can say that he have people in your life who are willing to suffer for you. You may not think it to be a good thing, but believe me it is. Possibly, your quest to save him is what motivated him to remain silent. Because you proved that you are worthy of loyalty. And, though right now it may not seem so, great happiness can come from such faithfulness. I only hope that you can, in time, learn to see that.

"People love you, Arthur; they are willing to give their lives for you, because you love them in return. A day may come because of that kindness and love when no one needs to die at all."

He smiled again, and this time it was even more genuine. "I hope you can forgive me, my son, for doubting your servant's loyalty to you."

Arthur had to struggle hard to hold back his tears. This was perhaps the closest Uther had ever come to being a real father to him. But the circumstances of it, and all the things he had said and all their meanings, were far too confusing for Arthur. But he did know one thing. "There's nothing to forgive you for, father. Since I have come back you have only strived to help me. And I am grateful for that."

"I'm glad, Arthur, that all this has been resolved. Now, go get some rest, you look exhausted." As Arthur was just about to exit the room Uther added. "And Arthur? I hope your servant lives, for both your sake and his."

* * *

><p>Gaius sighed for what felt like the millionth time since he had met Merlin. He had known from the very beginning that the boy was both going to be a lot of trouble and a great blessing to him. And he had been right.<p>

But now it seemed that his ward, who had already brightened his life like a beautiful ray of sunshine, was going to die. He was doing everything he could for him. Yet despite the fact that he had healed people in far worse conditions than this, Merlin was still dying. And as he had told everybody who had asked, the boy had no reason to be.

Gaius didn't doubt that all of this had been painfully traumatic for both his body and his mind, to mention nothing of his heart, but that still didn't account for his rapidly declining health. Though, in the last couple of hours the rate of his descent had leveled off a bit. And yet he seemed to be getting more and more tired as if the price of this extra time was his energy.

He wanted to believe that Merlin would pull out of this—that he would be fine as always—but he didn't know how that could be. He was one of the most skilled physicians alive and nothing he did seemed to really be helping him. It was almost like some force was determined that the boy would die. Well, if there was one then Gaius had a thing or two that he wished to say to it.

But the fact was that the old man didn't know what the problem was and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't keep himself from falling into despair.

Though, some part of the physician was almost glad that Merlin was dying, if only because then he wouldn't have to remember what he had gone through. He had heard all that Arthur had said to Leon—who had left only a few moments before—and knew that if Merlin did survive then he would need help dealing with all of this. And, of course, Gaius would gladly give it to him. But no amount of help in the entire world would allow Merlin to get completely past all this, and that thought pained Gaius almost more than he could bear.

Merlin was so innocent, so friendly and trusting, so without bitterness and pain that the old man knew that he would do anything to let him stay that way.

But then again, maybe Merlin wasn't as without pain as everyone thought. Gaius' mind flashed back to a letter he'd gotten a couple of years ago, a letter so filled with pain and motherly despair that he'd almost been unable to read it.

He shuddered at the thought that Merlin had had to relive that.

But maybe Merlin wouldn't ever become cold or hardened by this experience, because he looked like he might not live that long. Gaius wasn't sure exactly which would be better, a Merlin with as much bitterness and hate as Uther, or a dead Merlin. Both would feel like the end of the world. And maybe it would be, for he had started to have an idea of who exactly Merlin was after the event with the blue orb. As far as the physician knew only one person of that age, dying and in that much pain, without any training, could possibly be able to conjure powerful magic like that and save Arthur from so far away. And to think that Gaius had been afraid of what that might mean, well, now it wouldn't mean anything.

The guardian sat down once more on the stool next to his ward and put his head in his hands. He just wanted Merlin to live and remain Merlin. Was that so much to ask?

Suddenly Gaius was brought out of his incredibly depressing thoughts when Merlin starting convulsing on his bed. Somehow the boy had managed to roll over onto his back—which would be causing him endless amounts of pain were he awake—and was now jerking and twitching violently. It was like he was having some sort of seizure. He was covered with sweat and his mouth foamed slightly.

Gaius grabbed his shoulders and tried to hold him still but it was of no use. Despite his current state he seemed to be unbelievably strong. The boy was convulsing harder than ever and Gaius dimly wondered if it was the end, if he really was dying.

Abruptly, Merlin spasmed so strongly that he lurched right out of Gaius' hands. One of Merlin own shot out and a bucket from across the room flew and landed right next to the bed. Merlin rocked over the side of the cot with his entire upper half hanging over the edge and over the bucket.

Gaius just watched in shock and silence as Merlin retched horribly into the pail. But instead of usual throw up, a dark, oozing mass tumbled out of his mouth and fell in a glop into the bucket. Merlin continued gagging for a few moments until every tiny glob of the black shiny stuff fell out.

Gaius edged around the side of the bed almost subconsciously because he wanted to get a better look. When Merlin was done he hung limply over the brink of the patients' cot for a few moments, as if the strength that it took to expel whatever that was left him exhausted. Gaius doubted that the boy was really, properly conscious, but more delirious.

The physician peered into the bucket. Unlike normal throw up the black stuff was in one big glop, and seemed to be devoid of water. It all seemed to stick together and conglomerate into one big, oozing, mass. It looked a bit like the one and only time Merlin had made porridge, far too sticky.

But Merlin's failed oatmeal hadn't been black—though perhaps slightly burnt—and it hadn't reflected light like this did. Gaius could almost see himself in it. The old man drew back sharply as the thing moved slightly.

There was no doubt about it, whatever this was, it was magical.

Gaius turned to look at Merlin whose hair was so damp with his own sweat that it stuck to his head. The boy didn't seem to be aware of anything other than the bucket.

Seemingly with no warning, the black, magical, glob tried to jump out of the pail. It was almost like it wanted Merlin. Gaius jerked back once more as he saw the thing try to attach itself to Merlin's face. But it didn't even manage to get clear of the bucket before Merlin thrust his hand out and a beautiful golden light came from it. The golden light seemed to trap the magical porridge inside the metal pail, and then it pushed down, confining it to a smaller and smaller space. When it couldn't be pushed down by the golden light any more Merlin spoke in a voice that seemed almost unreal. Gaius could tell from years of hearing powerful sorcerers using powerful spells that his voice was thickly layered with magic.

"Smite yfelweorc bryne and metodsceaft for ðu cuman ágælan mec dæl sweltan innan mín ealdorlegu." Merlin said his voice unnaturally deep.

The black thing seemed to almost screech as it fought against the dozen of white pinpricks of light that pierced it. A dark red light emanated from the thing and seemed to be protecting it from the white light, though; it was obvious that it was failing in this.

Suddenly, instead of protecting itself, it fought back. The crimson magic shot out at the white and golden light and for a moment Merlin's magic seemed to recoil as if hurt.

But then the magic renewed its efforts and the black thing screeched again, this time much louder, and the white knives of light stabbed it again and again, and each time it did the black stuff would seem to shrink.

And every time that the black stuff became smaller Merlin's white and golden light became stronger. With one last piercing screech the thing burst into blue flames and disappeared.

The blue flames went out, leaving nothing but pure white sand in its place. Merlin panted heavily and then lay back on the bed, groaning almost as soon as he did. He rolled over onto his stomach again and closed his eyes. Gaius once again got the feeling that Merlin hadn't been aware of him, only of his battle with whatever that stuff was.

The old man peered once more into the bucket, not really afraid of it due to the fact that Merlin no longer seemed to be. He hesitantly reached his hand in and felt the sides of the pail. They weren't warm like he had expected from all the magic that had taken place there, but was instead cold. The metal was cold.

And as for the sand, it seemed to be ordinary white sand, no more or less. He straightened up and looked at Merlin. His breathing no longer seemed too shallow to be healthy. Gaius touched his forehead. It wasn't deathly cold anymore, but nor was it feverishly hot. Perhaps the boy was getting better.

The black substance had come from Merlin; it was most likely whatever had been killing him. Gaius felt a surge of joy and relief. Merlin might be okay!

The boy moaned slightly and leaned his head into Gaius' touch. The guardian left his right hand there but moved his left to stroke Merlin's still-damp hair. The warlock relaxed a bit and moaned again. Gaius didn't blame him for wanting some comfort after all he had been through.

Gaius was more confident than ever—seeing that his ward seemed to be asleep, not dying now—that Merlin was going to live. He wanted to shout and laugh with joy but didn't because he didn't want to wake the boy that had earned his rest.

Of course, he wouldn't know for sure if he was going to be alright until some more time passed, but Gaius was next to positive that Merlin had just saved himself.

He didn't know what he had done, or what that black stuff had been, or even how he had destroyed it, but he knew that he had used powerful magic. Gaius sincerely hoped that it was enough and that the boy would begin to heal.

So Gaius sat down once more and continued to stroke the boy's head and offer him whatever comfort he could, waiting for him to wake up…as he knew he would.

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><p>"<em>Merlin<em>." Nimueh said. She turned her head to her friend beside her, who had also been looking into the 'seeing pool.'

"I don't think that there are questions any longer. Merlin is Emrys. Only Emrys could conjure the light that saved Prince Arthur, not to mention the light that saved himself."

The dark haired woman standing next to her pursed her lips. "Nimueh, I know that you believe that it is He, but all I see is a powerful young sorcerer."

"Elsa, when will you see the truth? It must be him. He is untrained and has no idea of his true potential. Only Emrys could be that powerful."

Elsa looked into the now blank seeing pool as if still gazing at what had once been there. Both women had seen Merlin's battle with the magic. In fact, for several days now they had been watching Merlin and Arthur. Both had done their fair share of smirking when Merlin had been tortured. And both had been secretly impressed with his ability to resist pain.

"I don't wish to fight with you over this again. You know that I don't believe in the ancient prophecies. I agree that he is powerful and that we are right to watch him, but I don't believe he is Emrys. Emrys is a tale that seers made up so to give people hope in the prophesied dark days ahead. He is not real."

Elsa sounded a bit tired, they both had argued about this many times before.

"Well, whether he's Emrys or not we had better leave all the attacks on him and Arthur we have planned alone. I don't think it would be wise to anger him. He might destroy something of value." Nimueh replied, smirking once again.

"So what? Are we just going to leave Camelot alone? What of Uther and all that he has done? Are we just to let him remain?" Elsa asked incredulously.

"I said Merlin and Arthur. Uther is still fair game. I doubt Merlin will be too protective of him. We shall still raise Tristan. Merlin may even thank us for clearing the path for him."

Elsa relaxed. She changed the subject. "I'm surprised that she isn't here. I thought that she enjoyed watching images in the pool with us."

"She does, but I still believe that we have yet to teach her everything. Her rage and bitterness is nearly as strong as her magic. Showing her Camelot would only drive her to do foolish things." Nimueh said.

There was a comfortable pause in the wet and dripping cave for a few moments. Elsa finally broke it by saying, "I may not believe that he is Emrys, but I do believe that he could be a formidable enemy. You should pay more careful attention to him. Your lack of concern may be your undoing someday." She looked worriedly at her long-time friend, and her only friend still living.

Nimueh laughed. "You believe I am in danger from him? He may be powerful but I am a high priestess of the Old Religion. He may be able to disrupt our plans, but he cannot hurt us. He is untrained, ignorant of his own talents, and happens to live where magic is banned under pain of death. He won't be learning much under Uther's rule.

"Besides, as long as we leave his prince alone I doubt he'll even care what we do. Don't worry my friend; we have nothing to fear from Emrys…or Merlin."

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><p><strong>Yay! Merlin's healing, we should be seeing some of him soon. Oh no! Nimueh and this other strange person, what's that about? Uther being semi-nice? Gaius being a bit depressed? Merlin being all awesome as usual? I told you some cool stuff happens here.<strong>

**Warning, here be slight spoilers for 401**

**So, you know that bit in Morgana's vision of the battlefield where everyone is dead and the sky is red? I totally have an upcoming fic in this 'verse where there is a very carnage-y battle with a blood-red sky. Of course, I don't plan on having old Merlin there. But seriously, I've had the red sky planned out for months, in fact, I've had a lot of my stories planned out for months. Maybe I'm totally psychic. Anyway, when that eventually appears don't call me a copy-cat. **


	20. Awakening From The Nightmare

**Sorry for the long wait, but I had so much trouble writing anything of value. Seriously, it wasn't writers-block since I've had almost all of this planned out from the beginning, but I just couldn't get my thoughts to format themselves properly. I'm not even joking, my original version of this sucked beyond belief. I hope you find this worth the wait. And I'm also sorry for the length of it, but I didn't really think I could get it to you tonight if I tried to make it any longer. **

**Ugh, I can't freaking wait until tomorrow with the new Merlin, let me tell you I've lost some sleep because of that cliffhanger. **

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><p>Arthur had never had any intention of getting rest like his father had said, but that didn't mean that he wasn't in severe need of it. He had briefly considered it, but had realized that going to bed this early would only mean waking up at some ungodly hour with a nightmare he couldn't shake from his mind.<p>

But the question was what to do now? He couldn't go to sleep and didn't feel like he had the energy to sit by a dying Merlin's bed and wait for him to draw his last breath. But at the same time he knew that Merlin didn't have many left so maybe he should just go to him.

It still hurt—perhaps more than he would even admit to himself—the fact that Merlin was dying and that there was nothing he could do.

He still had no idea what to make of all that his father had said to him, but he knew now that he would give Merlin no trouble, a fact that was painfully ironic since the boy wouldn't live long enough for that anyway. It had almost felt like a hard slap to his face to hear that his father finally believed Merlin to be of some worth now that the manservant would probably never serve anyone again.

Not that Uther's opinion about Merlin had ever really mattered much to Arthur, but it was still a cruel twist of fate.

The prince was contemplating going for a walk and whether or not he would have the energy to complete it when yet another servant rushed up to him saying that he had urgent news.

"What is it?" Arthur half barked and half groaned. He really didn't think he could take any bad news at this point, or any more confusing conversations.

The servant looked slightly startled at the anger and exasperation in his tone but quickly moved on from it. "Gaius the physician told me to find you and send you to him; he said that it was a matter of great importance."

Almost before the boy was done talking Arthur began running for he feared that he knew what was wrong.

_No, please, I'm not ready, Merlin can't be dead yet. Please let Merlin not be dead, please let Merlin not be dead. _The frantic words spilled through his mind. After all of this he hoped that Merlin hadn't just up and died without him. He hadn't said goodbye, or how thankful he was, or that, all things considered, he really hadn't been that bad of a servant.

Only a few months ago he had thought Merlin to be the most annoying and disrespectful person alive and had known that the boy hated him. Now he wasn't sure what he'd do or how he'd react to seeing Merlin cold and dead and _lifeless_. He had finally started to get used to the ridiculous boy, he couldn't just die now, after drinking that poison for him, after enduring that _torture_ for him.

Arthur had so many questions, '_why?' _being one of them, and _'how?'_ being another.

Arthur was still so confused and he knew that Merlin couldn't die before answering some of his questions, before Arthur paid his immense debt to him. Even though the prince sincerely doubted that that would ever happen. To be tortured for someone was not an opportunity that arose often, and even if it did Arthur didn't think he could be nearly as brave as Merlin had been.

As he rushed towards the boy who was dying or possibly already dead his thoughts changed from coherent sentences to a single word repeated over and over again.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. _

And though it had only been moments after hearing the servant's message later that he had arrived in the room he now dreaded, to Arthur it felt like he had been running for ages and seemed to be getting nowhere. It had been like a bad dream, one he hadn't woken up from yet, and if Merlin died then he never would.

He burst into the room, immediately his eyes fixing on the place where he'd seen Merlin last. But he was not there. The bed was empty. Arthur frantically searched around with his eyes for any sign as to where he might be, his mind already supplying him with unwanted images.

Maybe he hadn't run fast enough and Merlin had already been carried out of the room by some guards to the area of the castle where all the dead were put before they could be properly buried. Maybe Gaius was already writing a letter to Merlin's mother, explaining to her about her son's death.

As he looked around every which-way in his desperate search for some proof, some small _sign_, that Merlin was not yet gone, Arthur faintly realized that he was starting to hyperventilate. He wasn't anywhere, Merlin was gone and he hadn't thanked him. He hadn't even been there for it.

His vision was going fuzzy and he felt light-headed but he kept looking, even though he knew that it was pointless.

Merlin was dead.

Arthur's heart stopped.

He sank to his knees as his sight began going black.

Merlin was dead.

Then an old but powerful hand gripped his shoulder with enough force to break him out of his cycle of shallow breathing. Arthur blearily stared up at Gaius, a man who looked extremely concerned but had no tears in his eyes. The prince dimly wondered way the old man wasn't beside himself with grief right now, but then again, maybe Arthur had been the only one to see Merlin's bravery and therefore the only one to know how much his life was worth.

"Gaius?" he croaked, but it wasn't really a question. It was more of a hopeless plea to be woken up from this horrible nightmare.

"Sire, are you alright? What's wrong?"

_What's wrong? Everything is, Merlin is dead don't you get that?_

"Here Arthur, you'd better sit down." He pushed the prince onto a stool. "I only sent for you to give you some good news, but maybe it's a good thing that you came in anyway. You look like you're about to pass out."

"What-what good news, Gaius?" Arthur didn't really find himself caring, but more asking automatically.

The wise physician seemed to be considering something, then stated. "It's really something you should see for yourself. I know you're not feeling well, but maybe this will brighten your spirits."

He gently but firmly helped Arthur up and then guided him up the few steps that led into Merlin's room. _What used to be his room, _Arthur thought.

He didn't really care what Gaius was doing, he was lost in a haze of nothing. But that soon changed.

Gaius opened the door and the sight that first met Arthur didn't make any sense. He wasn't sure what he was seeing. Maybe he'd finally lost it. Maybe this was just some wacky dream.

There was Merlin, lying on his stomach in his own bed, looking far better than Arthur could remember him looking since before the poisoning. Arthur's heart stopped again, and then started but this time at a much more normal pace. His breathing began to even out as if his lungs were suddenly bigger. His vision no longer seemed to be going on the fritz.

Merlin's alive.

* * *

><p>Gaius noticed the change in Arthur immediately and a thought struck him that maybe his "urgent message" had been seen for the complete opposite that it was. He felt a cold stone of guilt fall into his stomach at the thought that perhaps Arthur had thought Merlin to be dead. It would explain why the prince had looked almost worse than Merlin had at any time throughout this whole thing.<p>

He quickly sought to rectify his painful mistake. "I called for you because I have great news. Just a few hours ago Merlin started to get better; I believe that he's out of danger now. Merlin is going to be fine. I guess that it was just the darkness before the dawn; he just had to get worse before he got better. He's going to live."

* * *

><p>"He's going to live." The words rang in Arthur's ears and again he couldn't quite understand them. His mind couldn't grasp that they meant that everything was going to be okay, that the nightmare had ended.<p>

But as he looked down at Merlin he gradually began to accept that with ever-increasing joy. He no longer looked paler than death itself; his cheeks had regained almost all of their normal color, which unfortunately was never enough to begin with. He would have to fix that.

He could actually make out the boy's breathing now. He seemed to be resting and getting back his energy, unlike before where it had seemed as if it was being sucked out of him. And his face was far more peaceful-looking than he had ever seen it.

Arthur's shoulders relaxed. The muscles all over his body, which had been tense since that lunatic-of-a-sorcerer had kidnapped them, now released all of their stress. He sucked in a huge breath of air and it felt like the cleanest and most refreshing he'd ever had.

Merlin had won the battle for his life.

He was no longer in danger.

Merlin was going to live.

Arthur would get to ask him all those questions.

He'd get to say thank you.

Merlin was going to live.

The nightmare was over.

Now to deal with the land of the living, which had its own kind of struggles and joy.

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><p><strong>Yay! I gave arthur some happiness finally. And for anyone who was wondering yes I did pay homage to 4.01 because it was so awesome. I hope you like it and don't think it too out of character. I personally think that they've never really done anything like this in the show, and considering his reaction to poisoned Merlin, I think that this was pretty normal. Plus he's still exhausted and confused and really very emotionally whumped. <strong>

**Oi! Just a heads up, I might be writing a sort of oneshot about 4.02 if I can find something in it that suits my fanfiction writing requirments. It may not be posted as a chapter for "Merlin Never Lies" because it may not fit with that. But keep a look out for it since I already have some ideas and will hopefully write it. **

**Oh, and I started a new Merlin community. It's basically all about whumping and bromance, so if you want to take a look.**

**Thank you to all who have reviewed and made me want to keep you reviewing. Hey, why don't we see if we can get to 200 reviews by the time this is finished, (I still don't know when that will be.) See you hopefully quite soon. **


	21. Daylight Is Coming

**Alrighty then, another chapter. Again, not very happy with it, but that could be because I was falling asleep while I edited this. I swear these days I get tired just by laying down. It's bloody ridiculous. Anyway, who saw the new Merlin? I thought it was fantastic. And beautiful. 'Nuff said. So, long chapter, I hope you all like its length. I want to say that I really, truly believe that this time it's almost done. I know, I know, I've said that before, but I can't honestly think of too much more to write so it should be done in a couple of chapters. Which reminds me, if you still plan on voting in my next story poll I suggest that you do it soon. **

**Thank you for all of your support. **

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><p>Arthur sat down on the edge of Merlin's bed. <em>He's going to be okay, <em>rang through his mind for the millionth time.

For a while he just stared at Merlin, not really thinking anything except that it was all over. His mind wandered and random thoughts flitted through his head, though, soon they became not so random. He thought of their talk the night before they were captured and all the new things he had learned about his servant. He thought of how Merlin's confidence in him never wavered.

Suddenly the image of the white scars on his back popped into his mind and he looked up at Gaius.

"Gaius, when we were…captured…right before Arcturus was about to—" He stopped himself. Remembering what had happened still pained him greatly, but he was more thinking of the old man and how he had heard every word that he had told Leon. That must have been painful for him to hear, but Arthur knew that the physician was strong, so he continued. "About to…flog him I saw something on Merlin's back."

He met the old man's eyes. "They were scars, Gaius. He'd been whipped before and badly by the looks of it. I wasn't exactly in the position at the time to ask Merlin about it, but…do you know anything…anything of how he got them?" Arthur both hoped and feared that he might know. He was more than a little curious himself, but he also dreaded hearing about another torment of Merlin's that had to be similar to this most recent one.

Gaius looked uncomfortable and sad, and his eyes bore a look that he had often seen in the physician and his father. It was a look that came from suffering and time and wisdom. It spoke of untold hardships and miseries that no one should have to see.

After a moment the guardian of a certain young manservant answered. "I have seen the scars you are talking about, Arthur, but I don't really know the story behind them." He gazed down at Merlin. "His mother is my sister as you know, and so we often write letters to each other. I remember, a couple of years back, she sent me a letter that nearly made my heart break with the pure anguish and desperation and sadness of it.

"While she herself was fine physically, she told me that something horrible had happened to Merlin. The pain in that letter was so strong that I wanted to go to her and offer some comfort. She told me everything she knew."

He looked back at Arthur. "But it is not for me to tell you."

"What?" Arthur asked incredulously. He had listened to what Gaius said with sadness and trepidation but now he was a bit angry. He couldn't just say all that and then not tell him!

Gaius raised a hand to forestall his words of outrage. "I said she told me everything she knew, but Merlin himself is one of the two people who actually know what happened. And he barely talked of it. To this day she only knows of the outcome, but not of what led up to it or the event itself, though, she has some idea. He won't tell anyone what really happened.

"I have seen the scars, Arthur, and they fill me with fear. I've honestly been trying to work up the courage to ask Merlin about it, but I doubt he'll ever tell me. Answer truthfully, if you had gone through something like that and were the only reliable witness and everyone kept asking you what happened, would you tell them? I know it must be hard for you to even speak of what transpired a few days ago, think of how hard it must have been for Merlin, it happened when he was only fifteen.

"No, I don't know nearly enough, only Merlin does. If you want to know then you have to ask him. It's his life and memories, after all."

Arthur stared at him for a long minute before coming to the conclusion that Gaius was right. Besides, if Merlin didn't want him or anybody to know than that was the boy's own right. After all that Arthur had seen him go through in the last couple of weeks alone he knew that if he didn't want to tell his prince of something that painful than Arthur wouldn't make him.

"All right, Gaius." He paused for a moment. "But can you tell me this: I also saw a strange symbol on his chest; it looked like the Morteus flower? Why is that?"

Gaius sighed again. "That I _can_ answer. When Merlin drank that poison for you he was being killed by not only the liquid itself, but also the magic that had been imbued in it." Arthur stiffened at both the word magic and at the thought that it had once again been used to hurt his servant.

"The sorceress who placed the flower petal in the goblet in the first place also put magic on it. It was to make it deadlier and swifter, and possibly more painful." Gaius thought of how Merlin had acted just a few hours ago to the foul magic in his veins. The truth was that it was entirely possible.

"Though we managed to give Merlin the antidote in time, the lingering effects of the evil magic left its mark on him." He gestured to the sleeping boy. "It left a faint image of the poisonous flower imprinted upon his chest. I don't know how long it will last, sire, but I do not believe it to be dangerous. It is only a remnant of what was. It could fade in a few days, or months, or years, and maybe even never. But, like I said, it is a _very_ faint outline and can do him no harm. I'm just glad that it didn't leave behind something worse." Gaius smiled but it was slightly forced. Like Arthur he still had painful memories of that time and didn't like the thought of Merlin baring its mark.

Arthur was feeling much the same way. He was furious with the sorceress who had done this, he was furious with Arcturus, and he was furious with himself for not stopping all of this. And he absolutely hated the idea of Merlin baring scars from both of these recent events. But what could he do?

"Thank you for telling me."

After that neither of them said much of anything else. They were contented to gaze down at the person who had brought them so much trouble and joy, and who had found a way into their hearts. There was no denying it to himself anymore. Merlin is a very special person who could make all the difference in anything. Arthur once more found himself wishing that Merlin wasn't so loyal or kind. If he wasn't then none of this would have happened to him.

Eventually he asked more of himself than of Gaius, "Why, Merlin? Why would you go through this again for me? If anyone doesn't deserve it it's you."

"He is a great person," Gaius responded, "A lot greater than people give him credit for."

"I know," Arthur said with a hint of despair in his voice, "so why would such a kind person do something like this for a prat?" Again, not really to Gaius, but the old man answered anyway.

"Arthur I told you before you left that Merlin was innocent, but I didn't mean to say that he was naïve. Merlin wouldn't hurt anyone unless he had to. But that doesn't mean that his is as stupid as everyone thinks. He knows about the pain this world can bring, and the kind of people in it. He makes friends easily, but that isn't to say that he trusts blindly. You have to earn his trust.

"Merlin perhaps knows himself better than either of us do ourselves. He knows his limits; what he can handle. Merlin knew that he could handle physical torture. But what he can't handle is a different type of pain altogether.

"Seeing someone else get hurt, especially someone he cares about, is something that his kind heart can't take. He knows what the world can dish out, and he's prepared for that as long as it doesn't include losing the people he loves.

"Merlin is not naïve. He's brave and kind. And I am honored to be one of those people he trusts."

Arthur once more looked down at the boy he was learning more and more about with each passing day. "I'm sorry, Gaius, I promised you that I would take care of him. I broke that promise. Though, in all honesty I never thought it would be this hard to take care of a servant." He smiled but there was little humor in it.

Gaius looked like he was about to respond when both men's eyes were drawn to a movement on the bed.

Merlin shifted where he lay, and then stayed still. Arthur was about to look away, thinking that Merlin was simply moving around in his sleep, when a strange sound came from the manservant.

Immediately both men rushed to his side, hovering over him. The sound came again, but this time they could understand it.

"Arthur?" Merlin croaked.

Gaius and Arthur were too stunned for a short moment to say anything. But Arthur was the first one to recover. "Merlin?" he asked, hardly believing that his servant was awake. He lowered his head till it was level with Merlin's face and saw that the boy was slowly cracking open his eyes.

"Arthur...are you alright?" Merlin asked his voice still sounding as if he hadn't drank anything in years.

The prince chuckled a bit. "Yes, Merlin, I'm fine. Better than you it seems."

"Oh…that's good." Merlin was clearly still out of it. Though his eyes were open and looking at Arthur the prince doubting they were seeing much, he seemed just to be struggling to keep them up. "Where am I?" he asked.

Arthur and Gaius exchanged a glance, they weren't sure that reminding him of what he had gone through was a good idea in his current state of confusion. But then again, it would be cruel to not tell him that it was all over.

"We're home, Merlin. You're in your own room in your own bed. We're in Camelot. You're safe now."

Merlin seemed to want to look around, which was confirmed when he tried to sit up. The instant he moved he flinched and gasped in pain and both men immediately had their hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back down.

"Whoa, just relax; your back is in pretty bad shape." Arthur said.

"Yeah, I gathered," Merlin replied sarcastically and through the pain. Suddenly a look of panic and fear flashed across his face and his still quite delirious eyes roamed around the room. "Arcturus?" Arthur was surprised to see that though there was fear, there was no anger or hatred on his face. Only the terror, which he had a feeling was made a lot worse by the fact that he wasn't very coherent.

"It's okay. We captured him. He's in dungeons right awaiting his execution. He won't hurt anyone ever again," Arthur reassured him.

Merlin looked relieved. Then slowly and hesitantly his eyes traveled up to meet Gaius'. "You're—you're not mad, are you? I swear I didn't plan for this to happen."

Arthur almost laughed at that, Merlin was defending himself for getting tortured. If the circumstances weren't so dark he probably would have laughed, called Merlin an idiot, and then reprimand him for not being able to do anything right. As it was, Merlin still had had some control over his torture, but as Gaius said he had opted for the less emotionally painful choice. Arthur wasn't sure if he should be mad at him or not for that, and he guessed Gaius felt the same way.

"No, I'm not mad, Merlin," Gaius said a bit sadly.

"Good." Merlin's eyes were starting to drift close, and he looked as if he was about to sleep. Arthur was starting to think that he already had when the eyes cracked open a little bit to stare at him. "You kept your promise, Arthur. You got me home. You got me out of there. Thank you. I don't know how much more I would've been able to take. Now I don't have to know. Thank you." And then the sleepy boy turned his head fractionally, though Arthur could see the wince of pain that that small movement had inflicted, and addressed Gaius.

"Gaius, please don't tell my mother. She'll just worry. She doesn't need to ever know. Promise me you won't tell?"

Gaius almost looked like he was in tears, though whether it was from the request, or just the fact that Merlin was awake, Arthur didn't know. "Maybe she has a right to know, you are her son after all." Arthur knew that the old man didn't want to tell her but at the same time knew that he should.

"No, Gaius, it will only bring back…painful memories." It was obvious that Merlin was losing his battle with sleep. "Besides, she sent me here; she'll only feel guilty if she knows what happened as a result. And she shouldn't feel guilty, if it's anyone's fault it's mine. And Acrturus'."

"Okay," Gaius said, obviously not able to argue with the boy at this point, "I promise."

And with a contented sigh Merlin rested his head on his pillow and fell asleep. And although Arthur was sure that it was only sleep, his tired mind still raced to horrible conclusions. He glanced worriedly at Gaius.

Picking up on the look and the meaning behind it, the physician quickly answered, "Not to worry, sire, Merlin is just sleeping. I believe that is most of what he's going to be doing for a while. I can give him all the potions and salves in the world but in the end his body mostly needs sleep and sustenance. He'll probably be sleeping for most of the day for some time. Like how a person with a fever could sleep all afternoon and then wake up better. His condition is far worse than a fever, so he's going to need a lot more sleep. But don't worry, this time it's all natural. Merlin's fine."

Arthur was still reeling. Merlin had said 'thank you.' Thank you for getting him out of there. He really hadn't done anything; in fact, it was because of him that Merlin had been tortured to begin with. And yet he had thanked him. Maybe it was just because he was so out of it.

This was the first time Merlin had woken up since they had left that hellhole. Arthur was just glad to have talked with him, even if it hadn't been for very long. Merlin would need some help getting over this, but before his mind could heal his body would have to.

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><p>It had been a week since Merlin had woken up, a week since Arthur knew that everything was eventually going to be alright.<p>

Arthur had long since returned to his normal duties, though, thanks to Gaius saying that he should take things easy for a while he still wasn't as busy as usual. He still managed to go and visit Merlin every day.

For the first four or five days Merlin was sleeping a lot like Gaius had said, so Arthur rarely got a chance to talk to him. And though it was still disconcerting to see Merlin so tired looking when he was normally so energetic, Arthur found that he almost preferred Merlin to be asleep. Whenever the boy was awake, though he tried to hide it, Arthur could always see that he was in pain. And since too much of anything, including a painkiller, could be harmful Gaius couldn't always alleviate it.

Sometimes the servant would wake up and have to suffer on his own. Of course, the pain was always much more bearable for the boy when he was distracted and stayed perfectly still. But Arthur still hated seeing him in any discomfort, especially since he knew exactly how this tormenting injury had been caused.

Every other night Merlin would have a bad fever that would give him even scarier nightmares than the ones he had already been experiencing. Arthur had been worried about this until Gaius had mentioned that Merlin's body was merely working up a sweat trying to heal itself.

Often Arthur would stop by in the middle of the night and stay with Merlin as he suffered from the feverishly enhanced dreams. Sometimes when the nightmare seemed particularly bad he would shake the boy awake so as to spare him from it.

Arthur wished that he had someone to do that for him, but no, he was a prince, and princes had to suffer in silence. He had known this since he was a little boy. But Merlin wasn't a prince or anyone of important standing, so Arthur couldn't seem to figure out why the boy felt like he, too, had to hide his pain.

And Arthur knew well what was plaguing Merlin's dreaming mind, for he had the same horrific nightmares. Hardly a night passed by when Arthur didn't wake up in a cold sweat with visions of Merlin's torture and the insane, laughing sorcerer. It was when that happened that he had often made his way to Merlin's beside and help him fight his demons, because when he did that Arthur's own would seem less frightening.

But they were both recovering. But Arthur did fear that Merlin wasn't healing mentally and emotionally. Whenever he visited and Merlin was awake they both opted to talk of happier things than their captivity. Their conversations, as usual, contained very little of substance and both boys were fine with that.

One time, however, probably on the fourth day of his recovery, Merlin had asked for the details of how they had escaped. Arthur had told him everything, including what Leon had told him. At the mention of the magic the manservant had stiffened, which couldn't have been good for his back, and had tensed up even more when Arthur had told him of his new belief about his magical protector. Arthur wasn't sure why he had reacted that way. Maybe it had just been the normal, conventional attitude towards magic that he had seen in Merlin, though, he still didn't think that Merlin was quite that biased. Or maybe it had been something else. And Merlin had looked hurt for a moment when he had said:

"_I was wrong to think that I could trust this person. Perhaps it was my trust that got us into that horrible mess. I no longer have any doubts about the cruelty of magic."_

Arthur had seen the pain in Merlin's eyes, but didn't think that it was because of his physical injuries. That pain in his eyes still bothered Arthur, maybe because he felt like he had caused it.

But Merlin was getting better. It had been a week since the end of the nightmare and Arthur believed that things were finally going right again.

Merlin could now stay awake for a maximum of eight hours at a time, which considering how he could barely stay awake for an hour six days ago was pretty impressive. His back was healing nicely according to Gaius, and the manservant could even move around slowly without crippling pain ripping through him. He still spent most of his time in bed, but at least he could now go to the bathroom on his own, assuming that he hadn't waited too long to go.

It was strange, but Arthur had found that with every improvement Merlin made in his health, he himself felt better physically. And he was no longer exhausted as he had felt the first few days.

Due to being a prince with important duties he couldn't spend as much time taking care of Merlin as he would secretly wish, so it was only natural that he didn't see many of them. He had learned from Gaius that, apparently, many people had been in to see Merlin. The physician had said that everyone from knights, to dozens of servants, to a cook, to people from the town, to even some guards had, at some point, visited Merlin.

Arthur was struck again with how big of an impact the boy had already made in peoples' lives. There were servants from all over the castle with all types of jobs that had come in and had expressed their joy at his recovery. And they all had brought some sort of gift, too. Of course, from servants gifts weren't particularly big or expensive, but Arthur knew that Merlin treasured the small items.

Several knights had been to see him as well. Arthur had seen firsthand the change Merlin had made in some of their lives. Some knights who were particularly pompous were now more humble. Others who didn't have a sense of humor now laughed. In fact, many of those knights had been the ones on their rescue mission.

But perhaps what had surprised Arthur the most about Merlin's popularity was a certain scary cook that had paid the prince a visit one day.

_When Arthur heard the knock on his door he immediately thought of the time Gaius had come petitioning him to look out for Merlin. Now, of course, if he came to tell the prince something it would either be something bad or something good about Merlin. Arthur wasn't sure which one of those it was. Everything had been going well lately, which is usually, in Arthur's experience, when danger rears its ugly head up again. _

_But he called out anyway, "Come in."_

_He turned around and saw Margaret enter his room. Arthur had known the cook for his whole life. He had always sort of thought of her as a law unto herself. What station in life a person had usually made no difference to her. To a lot of people she could seem scary, bossy, and even a tyrant in her own kitchen. But Arthur knew better. She ruled her domain with a firm yet gentle and compassionate hand. _

_When he had been a boy she had often declared that he was too skinny to be healthy and would then force him to eat until he thought him to be adequately fed. She had never listened to his protests that a prince of Camelot who had lives to save and people to look after couldn't afford to be fat, and had instead judged him by her own rules. _

_But despite her gruffness and willingness to verbally slap some sense even into a prince, Arthur had always felt like she was the mother, (or perhaps the outspoken aunt,) he had never had. _

_She and Gaius had always been a source of comfort to him as a boy. The two were alike in many ways. They both had the intimidating eyebrow raise. Wisdom and sage advice. And a sort of comforting presence. _

_Thinking back on his childhood now, Arthur felt ashamed that he had declared himself at fifteen as no longer needing their help and support. He had been too proud. But then Merlin had come along and sorted that out. _

_He smiled at the cook and old friend. "What is it, Margaret?" He still had the uncomfortable sensation of déjà vu. _

"_Arthur," she said, she was a very no-nonsense person and didn't believe in calling someone you've known for ages by their title. "You may find this hard to believe but you are the only one Merlin listens to." Surprised didn't even cover it. "Sure he may not listen to you about silly, little things, things that don't matter. But when it comes down to important things Merlin listens to you. He obeys you. I don't know if you're blind, or maybe you have noticed, but that boy is insanely loyal to you._

"_In all my years of serving at this castle and all the people I've seen he is the most unusual." _

_Arthur snorted; there had never been a truer statement. _

_Margaret ignored the sound and continued. "I've heard the story of what happened when you two were away and it nearly breaks my heart. He is the kindest soul I have ever seen and that someone could do that to him seems unfathomable. _

"_Loyalty manifests itself in many different ways. He's not just willing to endure torture for you. He shows his loyalty every single day. Every time I see him he comes in exhausted, hungry with no intent to eat, and running himself ragged to get you your food in time. I don't know all of what that boy does, but I know that it's all for you. Merlin would go to hell and back if it meant saving your life." She paused for a moment there to give Arthur time to process what she was saying. And boy was he._

"_You may be a prince, Arthur, but you are also a person. And one of the greatest skills a king could have would be to know who his friends are. You have no flipping idea of how lucky you are to have him as a friend. Maybe you should start being his before he stops. I'm not saying that you treat him horribly or that you are not a friend to him. I'm merely telling you this so you won't forget. _

"_One of these days, Arthur, you are going to be king and you will need friends by your side. Merlin won't be there if you don't protect him." She sighed. "I'm not saying that what happened to you was your fault, but I am saying that you should make sure your friend eats enough. In battle you can't hesitate or you'll die. The same thing will happen to your friendships if you don't do something because it's weird. Sometimes you have to overcome your pride. _

"_Merlin has given a lot for you. When his convalescence is over don't just forget that. Give something back. You are a proud man, Arthur, but you are also a good man. One of these days it may be Merlin who is lucky to be called your friend, not just you. _

"_Now, I am going to be sending baskets of food to Gaius' quarters and you'd better make sure that that skinny boy eats them. Last time I saw him he was thinner than ever." And with that she left._

_Arthur changed his thought; there was one big difference between Margaret and Gaius. Gaius would ask, she would demand that he protect Merlin. _

The thing was that she was right, about everything. Including Merlin's eating habits. Due to his poor health he was only just now able to eat remotely solid food. A few days before and he had been living on broth and thin soups.

Margaret had been right and Arthur knew it. He had been thinking about some way to reward Merlin for his actions, not that Arthur believed that _anything_ would ever truly compare to _that_. But Margaret had given him an idea.

It was scary, though, how she was able to read his thoughts. Arthur had feared for quite some time that as soon as this was all behind them he'd forget and return to treating Merlin like dung. But he couldn't, because she was right, Merlin was the kind of friend he wanted by his side. That thought alone almost made Arthur fear the outcome of a certain talk he would have to have with Merlin when he was fully better. But many people so far had told him to protect Merlin, so he would.

It had now been a week since things had started looking up and Arthur had a lot he needed to do. A talk with his father was in order; there was a certain sorcerer in the dungeon to visit, and a manservant he had to ask a question of. But before he could do any of that he'd have to make sure Merlin ate.

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><p><strong>Yay! Actual Merlin stuff! We're getting closer to finding out about Merlin's painful past. Arthur's gonna have a talk with our favorite insane Merlin torturer. And for anyone who's scratching your heads and wondering I did make a reference to my other active Merlin story. <strong>

**Yeah, I know I like skimmed over an entire week, but I'm trying to make this shorter, not longer. Plus I didn't have much to put in that week anyway. Um, yeah, I know, WAY too many heartfelt conversations about Merlin's awesomeness. Personally I am a big fan of all of that, but too much of even whump can get boring. But I really wanted to write a scene with Margaret and her going all advicey on Arthur was the only thing my boring mind could come up with. I hope you all liked it, though. **

**You know, I'm actually looking forward to being done with this story, even though I have enjoyed it and all the responses I have been getting. I feel like everything I write has become far too repetitious. Whadda you guys think?**

**Oooh, my thought is that I've got three or four more chapters left of this story, and being my first fanfic and all, well, why don't we see how many reviews we can get before it's over? Can we get to 250? I know, I'm just begging you guys, but honestly I feel like 250 would be epic for my first story. **


	22. The Hardest Thing In This World

**Sorry it's been so long, but I've had school. Plus, I finished my other Merlin story and started a SG1 fic as well. And I've been reading some very good fics lately, so blame those _awesome_ writers. This was supposed to be longer but I decided to be nice to you all and give you this since the rest of it probably wouldn't get written for several days. **

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><p>Arthur was dreading this, he really was. Part of him, of course, had been longing for this for a long time now, and that is what scared him. He'd been angry before, without a doubt. He <em>was<em> a Pendragon, after all.

He'd been outraged, furious, and had even hated. He'd felt the desire to hurt someone plenty of times before, but he'd always suppressed it because he knew that in most cases giving in to that desire would only bring him trouble.

But he had never felt a hate as strong as the hate he felt for _this_ man. He wanted to tear him apart, and that is what scared him. He had wanted to kill people before, and in battle had certainly done that, but not like this. Not this _much. _

Which was why Arthur was uneasy about this, about the feeling of satisfied pleasure in his gut. He supposed that he should just be glad that it wasn't going to be by his own hand. Not that he didn't want it to be.

He finally came to a stop in front of a cell. Inside the cell a man was leaning his weight fully against a wall, as if he couldn't support himself, and was bloody and bruised. Arthur couldn't see a single patch of his skin that wasn't mutilated in some way. He felt guilty at the wave of satisfied happiness that rolled over him. He pushed it back down.

It was this man, this man who made him feel guilty, and afraid, and nervous, and angry, and vengeful all at once. And that was one thing Arthur knew he hated, the fact that he could still manage to mess with him.

Most sorcerers would be executed a day or two after being arrested. Sometimes they'd even be killed the day of if Uther had a particular reason for wanting them dead right away.

Arcturus, however, had lived this long because Arthur's father wanted the information he possessed. But it had been a week and even Uther's most skilled torturers had been unable to extract the names and whereabouts of those who wished to buy Camelot's secrets in the hope of destroying the city. Apparently Arthur's father had finally had enough and had decided to just kill the man, since he was obviously crazy and wasn't going to give up anything.

Arthur would like nothing better than to simply forget all about this man, but he couldn't. He had known ever since he had returned to Camelot that he would have to see him one more time. He needed this closure; he needed to look at the man who had done so much to hurt both him and Merlin. He knew he would regret it for a long time if he didn't do this. But he still feared that maybe the side of himself that he really didn't like would emerge.

The sorcerer was breathing heavily enough that Arthur—a man with plenty of experience in this area—could easily recognize the harsh sound as being caused by at least one broken rib. Arthur didn't know how anyone breathing that hard could possibly sleep, but the man looked like he was.

He was just contemplating whether or not to wake the sorcerer up—it's not that he cared about the man's sleep; he just didn't want to talk to someone who wasn't fully awake—when he heard a very familiar, if quite hoarse, voice.

"Well, if it isn't Artie." Despite the fact that he could hardly talk now, Arcturus still had the same cold and chilling tone in his voice. That same creepy edge that told you that he was far from sane. Arthur just barely managed to keep himself from shuddering at the voice that had haunted his dreams.

Arcturus cracked his eyes open with what looked like some difficulty, and then turned his gaze on the prince. "Come to say goodbye? To gloat? To tell me that you hate me? To kill me with your bare hands? To get in the last word? If that is your aim, Highness, then I won't deny you that. If you need to look down at my broken body and tell me that I've lost then, by all means, go right ahead. Keep your pride." He smiled and Arthur once more felt himself wishing that he had never come down here.

"The truth is, prince, we've both won. You captured me and soon I'll be dead. And me, well, I captured you and tortured your servant. We both won and we both lost. Isn't that _just_ the way of the world? So tell yourself that you've won the battle, but don't forget what the cost of that battle was. If you need to gloat and feel powerful then I won't stop you." He gave Arthur an expectant look.

The prince swallowed. "I haven't come here to gloat," he said as he gestured to a guard. The man unlocked the cell and Arthur stepped inside, the guard locking it behind him once more. He looked down at the man he feared and hated with all his might and had to restrain himself from strangling him as an image of Merlin screaming in pain rushed across his mind. That was not what he was here for, though, he didn't think his father would mind if he decided to end the sorcerer's life sooner.

He continued. "Tomorrow you die. In time this nightmare will be forgotten as no more than a distant memory. Merlin is healing; in fact, he is getting quite a bit better. You didn't kill him or me. I don't need this answer, but I want it. You have nothing left to lose. So tell me: why him? Why _Merlin_?" Arthur hadn't come to gloat, he'd come to ask the question. He wanted to figure out why all this had happened to Merlin, when it should have all along happened to him. What decision had made the critical difference?

Arcturus smiled to himself as if he was being asked to recall a fond memory. Knowing him, he probably was. "Because Arthur, I am a good judge of character. And I knew that you'd be easy to break. Oh, perhaps not your loyalty to Camelot, but in other ways you'd be incredibly easy to break, and alone that's no fun for me. The thing is: you had no idea what you believed. I doubt you still have any idea. Your beliefs change on a weekly basis. Any promise or mistake you made would be worthless at the end of that week. You know nothing about yourself, except your loyalty to your kingdom.

"Merlin, on the other hand, knows who he is and what he thinks. I could see it, in his eyes; he knew his limits, how far he was willing to go. He knew what he could handle and what he couldn't. And he was confident that he could endure whatever I gave him as long as you were fine.

"I was both curious about how strong his beliefs were—that is, how long he would last—as well as whether or not I could get through to you. You have maybe one or two fundamental beliefs that you base yourself on. For a future king that's not nearly enough. I wanted to give you something that you would never lose sight of. I wanted to get past all those walls of pride and arrogance and get to the man beneath all of that. And I knew that if you really cared for your servant then torturing him was the way to break you. And you did, so _beautifully._" He looked up at Arthur as if he had just given him a great lesson.

"And why would you want to teach me all that?" Arthur asked, still reeling from all the insanity of everything the man said. Part of what made it so insane was the fact that some of it made sense. Some of it was true.

Arcturus shrugged. "I like to enlighten people before they die. I hope I enlightened you. I tortured Merlin because there was nothing that I could teach him. He already understood himself far too well for that to be of any use. Sure, I was curious to see how long he would last, but in the end, I tortured him just for your benefit. I suppose you could say that it's all _your_ fault that I did all that to him. I told you, all you had to do was tell me what I wanted to know."

Arthur scowled. His brain hurt. This man was contradicting himself. "I _did_ try to tell you. But you still wouldn't leave him alone!" he practically yelled.

"Oh, yes," the man sighed as if remembering something, "I guess I broke my word. But, really, like taking only the smallest of sips of water when you're _so_ thirsty, beginning torture and then stopping it almost right away is just too painful. I couldn't stop."

Arthur wanted to hit him, but he restrained himself. He didn't know what he would believe of himself if he let his anger get control of him concerning a man he hated so much. This man was speaking in circles, and was more insane than he remembered, though, it would be hard for any human memory to recall the depth of this man's insanity.

A sudden thought struck him. "How many have you tortured?" he asked.

Arcturus smiled with glee. "Not as many as I would like, but somewhere near a dozen. But I've got nothing on your father. You know, he and I are alike in so many different ways, even though he would deny it. That's why it's so hard for you, you are obviously not a monster like me, yet you are trying so hard to be like your father, who is every bit the monster that I am. Well, perhaps not quite as bad as me in some ways, but he has you to thank for that. My insanity comes from losing everyone I care about, whether to madness, or death at their own hand, or they left, or Uther ordered them dead, or they simply wasted away from the pain of it all. I've got no one left to keep me sane. But Uther has you. That is one of the few differences between him and me."

"I didn't come here to discuss my father," Arthur said.

"Then why are you here, prince?" Arcturus retorted.

"Because…" Arthur couldn't finish. He understood himself why he was here, but he couldn't seem to put it into words.

After a long moment the sorcerer gave him a knowing look. "Ahhhh, you wanted to prove to yourself that you could both face your fears, and that you could stop yourself from killing that what you most hate. You needed to be the better man." He gave him another look that almost seemed kind and father-ish. It was like a parent reassuring an insecure child. "Let me let you in on a little secret, Arthur," he said quietly, "you broke a lot quicker than I expected you to. You are a far better man than most people, I'm sure Merlin can tell you that."

Arthur was stunned. He couldn't believe that the man had just complemented him. That he had just tried to take away what was perhaps his greatest fear: that he, Arthur Pendragon, was just as bad as him. That he was like his father and Arcturus in all the wrong ways. Arthur couldn't think; this man was still messing with his mind.

The sorcerer sighed. "But I am sorry about your servant, though, that he's getting better, I mean. So tragic. I suppose," he said thoughtfully as he slowly began to painfully inch his way to the center of the room and sit on his knees, "for some people pain only makes them stronger. I hope for Abion's sake that Merlin is one of those people. He'd have to be." He sighed again, this time it was more drawn out. He looked up at Arthur. "It's time."

"What?" Arthur asked. He had been backing away from the man as he began moving. He didn't like his body language.

"You're right, Artie. Tomorrow I'm going to die. I've got nothing left. I knew this day was coming for a while but I couldn't do it before. It has to be just right; otherwise I'd simply be abusing it. You and Merlin have won this, you've beat me. And yet, you've lost so much more than I have. I pity you, I wish I had killed you both; it would have been much more merciful. But apparently destiny has other plans. Fate is much crueler than me, Arthur, at least I bring relief." He smiled sadly. He was in the middle of the room kneeling and Arthur had the distinct feeling that he shouldn't be here anymore. He took another step back.

"I truly wish you and Merlin luck, Arthur. Please tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't end it." The tone in his voice was one of someone saying goodbye. "It's time," he said again. Then, in a deep voice the man said, _"Oynnestre mé mín éadgiefu."_

Arthur jumped back at the foreign words. But though they were magic, Arthur saw no gold flash in the man's eyes. Suddenly his knife was pulled from his belt and brought to hover in the space between Arthur and Arcturus. The prince quickly drew his sword, but didn't attack because he didn't know when that knife would be sent at him.

Arcturus smiled his insane smile, yet it was one of contentment as well. He arm was outstretched towards the knife. "I told you, Arthur, death is a blessing when someone has suffered so greatly that they are scarred forever. Uther tortured me and destroyed my family. It is time for my gift." Then the man flicked one of his fingers and Arthur's knife went straight towards him.

The blade imbedded itself deep within Arcturus' chest. With a strange gasping sound the man fell to the ground. Stunned, Arthur rushed over and knelt beside him. His eyes were barely open and Arthur knew he was seconds away from death. But he still managed to gurgle out,

"Death is a gift after suffering so badly. To live would be a curse. I pity Merlin that he is not as fortunate as me." Then with a final gasp Arcturus' eyes rolled up into his head and he died.

Arthur knelt numbly next to the body that still had blood pooling beneath it. After a while he called, "Guard."

The man quickly appeared and unlocked the door, gasping in surprise when he saw the body. "What happened?" the man asked in shock.

Arthur looked up at him. "He killed himself." He got up and walked out of the dungeons. He was going to go and wash this blood off of him, and with it, hopefully, the filth and madness and pain that that man had spread to everyone he touched.

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><p><strong>So, the badie is dead. I know! He killed himself, what is that all about? Well, my thought is that he wanted to kill himself rather than be killed by Uther who he hated. Plus, he has these weird ideas about the rules of when you can die. If anyone wants to know the details of those rules then review or PM me. <strong>

**Yeah, weird ending for the character, but I thought that that would be the best way for him to go out. Anything less would out of character for Arthur or Merlin, or simply be anti-climatic for Arcturus. If anyone is wondering where the name for this chapter came from it's Buffy. Please review!**


	23. The Demons Of The Past

**Yes, I am aware that it has been painfully long since the last time I updated. But school has been crazy and my personal life has just been _slightly_ wackier than normal, ( which, believe me, is a lot more dangerous than it sounds,) and when I _have_ had the time to write I've simply not wanted to and have opted for rereading some of my favorite fics. Anyway, this chapter has a bit of a treat in it for all of you wonderful readers, so I hope it has been worth the wait. **

**You know, even though I have been enjoying some of my school I just can't wait till it's over because then I'll be able to devote _way_ more of my time to writng and updating. **

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><p>Merlin was overjoyed; he could finally eat solid food again! Of course, he was still a little daunted by the multiple baskets of food that Margaret had no doubt sent him, but it did taste wonderful.<p>

Merlin supposed he shouldn't have been so miserable about not having normal food; after all, he hadn't even had any appetite since getting captured. And the one time Gaius had relented to his incessant pleas for 'real food' he'd thrown up the stew he'd been given into a bucket held by a quite unsympathetic physician.

No, he shouldn't have despaired so much at the lack of ordinary food since he normally didn't have much to begin with anyway. It was not that he didn't like food; he just never had made a big deal about it. Looking back on the past week now, Merlin began to think that the only reason for his complaints about his rations was because he had been so bored. He hadn't left Gaius' chambers in more than a week and it had been starting to get to him.

Of course, at first he'd slept for most of the day and night so boredom really hadn't been a problem. Plus, he'd had plenty of things to entertain him when he was awake.

He shuddered at the memory of not only Arthur's explanation of what had happened, but also the more magical events that Gaius had relayed to him. For the second time in less than a month Merlin had apparently used very powerful magic while being mostly unconscious and nearly dead. Actually third, if you counted when he had let loose his magic because of Arthur being knocked out. Gaius had also told him of how his magic had almost definitely been what had led the knights to them and therefore had been vital to their rescue.

It was an understatement to say that Merlin had been surprised at all that had happened in the few days he'd been fighting for his life.

And in turn Merlin had also told Gaius of all that he remembered since slipping into that half-world that he'd been occupying so often lately. When he'd asked Gaius if the dream or vision that he'd had of Arcturus in his cell was real the old man hadn't known the answer, but had said that he was glad that real or not, it had helped him come back.

And try hard as he might there were a few things that Merlin couldn't remember from being unconscious. Like all the things his mind had known and then forgotten. Gaius had said that that had either been some product or illusion of his subconscious, or perhaps his magic really had allowed him to see everything. He remembered every word.

"_It is possible that you really did see everything, Merlin," Gaius said as he gazed at the warlock who was always surprising him. "Magic is supposed to surround and encompass everything. Magic is said to be a part of the earth itself. For centuries scholars and priests and priestesses of the Old Religion have believed and wondered if one delved deeply enough into their magic then maybe they could know everything. Some believed that if you were in-tune enough with your magic you could know and understand everything there is to know. No one has ever accomplished this, but your magic is unique, Merlin, perhaps you are the first."_

Merlin still didn't know the answer to that, and maybe he never would. He didn't like to think of himself as having that much power.

And there was also that name, the name that Arcturus had called him in his dream. No matter how hard he concentrated he couldn't remember the strange and magical name he had been called. For some reason this bothered Merlin quite a lot.

But he'd been completely distracted from those thoughts when Gaius mentioned with a sad look in his eyes that Arthur no longer believed that his magical protector was someone he could trust. Merlin was hit with a memory of hearing that even in his deep coma state. He had withdrawn even further into himself when he had heard those words. The thought that Arthur had nearly killed him with just a few sentences hurt Merlin, but not as much as the knowledge that Arthur believed that because of _him_. Merlin had caused Arthur to lose any doubts he may have had about the evilness of magic.

And it didn't help matters any when Gaius scolded him harshly for not using his magic to save himself when he could have easily done so. But Merlin had argued that Arthur's life was more important and that if he had revealed his magic Arthur may have killed him, which would mean both of their deaths in the end. And though Gaius seemed to have understood that allowing himself to be tortured was quite possibly the only way to save both of their lives the old man hadn't been happy about it.

In all honesty Merlin wasn't particularly happy about it either. Of course, he'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping Arthur safe, but that didn't change the fact that the whole incident still plagued him badly. He found himself jumping at loud noises and that he was almost painfully sensitive to everyone's touch but Arthur's. But it was the nightmares that bothered him the most, not the flashbacks or the disturbing memories, and that was because he still wasn't in complete control of his magic. It seemed like his magic was so bent on protecting him that it couldn't tell reality from a dream world. More than once he had nearly cracked Gaius' head open with a large book his magic sent flying. And Gaius had told him of the great bursts of powerful energy that, had anyone actually been right in front of him, would have blown them to bits.

Merlin just hoped that none of this happened while Arthur was there. But none of it had, apparently the prince had a calming presence that his magic could sense and there were no outbursts. Merlin was intensely grateful for that, but wondered why it was the case. Is it just because Arthur was with him throughout that whole nightmare?

But none of this was what was bothering Merlin right now as he sat on his bed with a magic book in his lap that he was failing to read. An hour or two ago Merlin had felt a strange and disconcerting presence that had disturbed him. But as quickly as that feeling had come it had died down to be replaced with relief, as if some weight that had been on his shoulders was now gone.

And so now he was wondering what that had meant. It felt magical, but that didn't necessarily mean that it was these days. His magic seemed to find a threat in everything.

Merlin was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Gaius' door opening. He was in his own room, which was adjacent to Gaius' so he had enough time to quickly stash his magic book with a golden glow of his eyes before Arthur slowly opened his door.

As Arthur walked in Merlin tried to look like he hadn't been hiding anything illegal. Arthur came over and sat down on the bed and looked down pointedly at the plate of food Merlin had barely touched. "Margaret won't be very happy if she sees that."

Lost in his thoughts, Merlin had totally forgotten about the delicious food he'd finally been allowed to have. As he looked down at the food that was without a doubt of far better quality than he normally had, his stomach rumbled, reminding him of his hunger.

Yet he lost all desire for food when he saw the look on Arthur's face. The young prince's eyes were swirling with dozens of emotions, but mostly he just looked conflicted and little wonder if his eyes were anything to go by. There was something in his manner that both scared and relieved Merlin, and once again he didn't know why.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Arcturus is dead. He killed himself."

Millions of thoughts and feelings assaulted Merlin all at once. Revulsion and just a hint of fear at hearing that man's name. Relief that he was dead and could no longer harm him. Vindictive pleasure at knowing that he had got what was coming to him, and fear at what that emotion might mean about _him_. A cold numbness since he had known that he was going to die tomorrow anyway—and really, what did a one day difference mean? Confusion that he would end his own life and curiosity as to why. Understanding at about Arthur's behavior now that he knew what was bothering him. And sadness.

The sadness would have confused and troubled him a few years ago, but within the last few days Merlin had come to realize how sorry he was for the sorcerer. He sincerely doubted that the man's cruelty was all his own fault, though, _most_ of it probably was.

Looking at Arthur, he knew he completely understood the swirl of emotions in those eyes.

There was a long silence. Eventually Merlin said, "I don't know what to say. It's just so…"

"Overwhelming?" Arthur supplied. Merlin nodded his head. "I know what you mean. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad or angry, or just plain relieved that he's dead." He huffed a humorless laugh. "Arcturus did always love messing with me."

Merlin silently agreed. After a few more minutes of silence he finally asked, "How did he kill himself? It's not like it's particularly easy to harm anyone—even yourself—in Camelot's dungeon's."

Arthur was a bit surprised at the boy's question since he hadn't even thought about it himself until his father had brought it up. "Gaius came down and looked him over. He said that the only way it could have been done would have been through magic." Arthur didn't tell Merlin that he had been there or that his knife had been the one to kill him. After all, Merlin didn't need to know.

"But...how? Wasn't he given that magic-suppressing drug?" Merlin inquired.

"He was, and, let me tell you, my father wasn't happy that he had been able to use his magic. Gaius said that there are certain spells that a sorcerer can create beforehand and can use later without needing to use any magic. Apparently the only thing Arcturus needed was to say a word of his choosing and he invoked a spell he had cast earlier." To be honest Gaius' explanation had done more to confuse him that anything else. "Gaius thinks that the spell he cast was one that used anything available in the surrounding area to kill him. Arcturus must have known that he might get captured, otherwise he wouldn't have casted such a spell."

Merlin nodded in understanding, though, Arthur wondered if maybe the boy was just pretending to comprehend it. But he probably wasn't, living with Gaius seemed to have enhanced the servant's understanding of magic, which Arthur wasn't sure was necessarily a good thing.

Arthur had recounted the basic details of what had happened first to his father and then to Gaius. He had spent the last two hours dealing with the suicide of the cruel sorcerer and just a few minutes ago Gaius had mentioned that maybe he should be the one to tell Merlin. Even though it had been plenty of time since the initial death, Arthur was still just as muddled in his emotions as Merlin now was.

"Is it…wrong…that I feel…relieved?" Merlin asked, not looking at Arthur and sounding very unsure of himself. "To feel happy that he is dead? I mean…he would have died tomorrow…and-and after all the he did to...if he hadn't been captured, if he...hadn't died but had escaped…I don't' think I could have lived with that…knowing that the one who…I think it would have driven me insane." Arthur had never heard the boy sound so lost and confused. The breaks in his speech alone were enough to tell him that he was feeling conflicted. "I guess that I'm glad—glad that he'd dead. But what does that make me?"

Merlin looked up at Arthur and the prince saw for the first time a small boy, lost and alone. For some reason Arthur believed that this wasn't the servant he knew, but the Merlin from long ago coming back to haunt. Merlin needed his answer.

"Given the chance…would you kill him, Merlin? Would you kill Arcturus?" He stared at Merlin, trying to read his expression while his own face gave nothing away.

"What?" Merlin seemed genuinely stunned by the question. But when he realized that Arthur wasn't going to be any more forthcoming he pondered his answer before giving it. "I-I don't think I would. I think I might want to, but not for long because I know I would regret it."

Arthur read the truth in Merlin's eyes. "Well, then it isn't wrong. It isn't wrong to feel relieved or glad because you've earned that. As long as, given the chance, you wouldn't seek revenge, I think that everything you're-we're feeling is normal. I think we're still the better men, Merlin." Arthur smiled and as he saw Merlin give him one back he knew that this is what the boy had needed.

For a while they both just sat on the bed in a comfortable silence. But Arthur knew that this couldn't last long. He still had something he needed to ask Merlin, even though he didn't really think he'd be given a proper answer.

"Merlin?" Arthur started tentatively. The young man looked up expectantly. "I have something I want to ask you, but you don't have to answer. I'll understand if you don't. I won't make you.

"Merlin when we were in that…dungeon when Arcturus was about to—" Arthur still had trouble mentioning what had happened just like Merlin. "I saw something, on…on your back. They were scars. That wasn't the first time that you had been…hurt like that. How, Merlin? What happened?"

Merlin shifted and then winced as the action pulled on his still-quite-sensitive back. The boy seemed to study his hands for a moment before looking up.

It was hard not to gasp at the look in Merlin's eyes. That same expression, the one Arthur had seen in Gaius' and Uther's eyes, was now reflected in Merlin's. It was a look of the kind of wisdom that could only come from suffering and time. In that one look Merlin seemed to be very old and Arthur wondered if maybe he wasn't the innocent young boy that everyone seemed to see him as.

"I'll tell you, Arthur, I'll tell you what I don't think I've told anyone before, not even to Will who was my best friend. I'll tell you because you asked as a friend and didn't order as a master."

Arthur was surprised. It hadn't really believed that he would be given what he wanted.

Merlin ate a mouthful of his now tasteless food, probably in an attempt to stall for a little while longer, and then he began. "It happened many years ago, in Ealdor. I was fifteen at the time. As I told you before, Arthur, we were all a close-knit group. In our town we all helped each other.

"But there was one man who didn't. He was old and had no family or friends left. Perhaps not by your standards, but by ours he was rich. He had his own garden that could supply most of his food and whatever else he needed he would buy from the caravans that passed through. He never needed anyone's help and never asked for it. And he would only talk to anyone if absolutely necessary. He kept to himself and that strange little shack he had on the edge of his land. He lived on the outskirts of Ealdor and we all sort of left him alone. We had long since learned that any attempt to be friends with him was met with stony silence. For the most part everyone just left him alone."

Merlin sighed heavily. "Until one night when the small fence surrounding his property caught fire. Everyone who saw it immediately came running to help, including me, and together we all managed to put it out. His garden and house was saved, only the fence was damaged. Instead of thanking anyone, he proceeded to accuse me of purposely setting his fence on fire…with magic."

Arthur was stunned. Not only was the idea of Merlin having magic completely ludicrous, but the mere thought that Merlin would purposely harm anyone or anything was just inconceivable. He just wouldn't. Then Arthur thought of him drinking the poison and of how he had confessed to having magic for Gwen and he realized that that was not strictly true. Thinking on it now, he knew that Merlin would harm someone, but only to protect his loved ones.

Arthur shivered as his attention went back to what Merlin had said. He had a bad feeling that he knew how it had turned out.

"Of course, I denied it," Merlin continued, "and the others vouched for me. I hadn't done anything of the sort, but the old man still insisted that I had. Eventually he stormed inside his house and everyone thought that that was the end of it.

"But it wasn't." Arthur could see the tenseness in Merlin's posture and hear it in his voice. "The next night I went out for a walk while everyone was asleep." At Arthur's confused expression Merlin elaborated. "I often did that. Ealdor was so peaceful at night and I suppose I just liked seeing it that way. In retrospect it wasn't the wisest thing to do. I didn't go out walking like that again until a year later.

"Suddenly, as I was walking, something came up from behind and knocked me unconscious. When I woke up I was hanging by my wrists from a pair of chains." Arthur felt his anger boil at that.

"I wasn't in his house…I was in that tiny little shack of his. But though the hut was small, it was very tall and, since I was shackled to its ceiling, my feet weren't even touching the ground. I was already in a lot of pain from my wrists having to support all my weight."

Arthur already hated this man and had a feeling that he was going to hate him a lot more before this story was over.

"Then that old man came in and declared that I had used magic with the intent of destroying his land. He…he said that he was going to make me confess to it. That's when I noticed the whip he had in his hand and that I was missing my shirt.

"I-I'd never felt so afraid before…or since."

That lost child was making himself known again in Merlin and Arthur hoped that the telling of this story might do Merlin more good than harm.

"I told him that I hadn't used magic, but he…he didn't believe me. Then he…he whipped me.

"I had been in pain before. Once I had broken my ankle and could barely keep myself from screaming as my mother tented to it. But that-that was nothing compared to this. That pain was unlike anything I had ever imagined. And every time he brought the whip down he would yell at me to confess and all I would be able to do was scream.

"At first I was adamant even through the pain that I wasn't going to confess to something that I hadn't done. But eventually I was desperate to if it meant that the pain would just stop, but at that point my voice was too raw and the agony was too great to say anything."

Arthur could see the faintest glimmer of tears in Merlin's eyes and was struck again by the fact that Merlin had never told this to anybody.

"I remember hoping while he was whipping me that my friends would come. That they would put a stop to this.

"I-I don't know how long that lasted, but I know that he finally got frustrated that what he was doing wasn't working and he threw down his whip and left. I'm not sure how long I hung there because by that time I had lost a lot of blood. I just remember the never-ending pain and that every second seemed too long and too short to be normal."

Merlin took another bite of food and sighed. "When all my friends and family woke up they didn't know anything was wrong at first. It took them a while before they realized that no one had seen me that day. Most of this I only know from being told, but when they finally remembered the way that old man had reacted to me two nights before they came searching for me. By the time that they found me in the shack I was deeply in shock and I barely remember seeing any of them at all.

"For days they cared for me and I'm told that for a while many of them believed that I wouldn't live. But eventually I began to heal. But my mind didn't. I wouldn't talk to anyone for weeks after it happened. I had desperately believed that they would come and save me…but they didn't, not until it was almost too late. In my nightmares I would still be there…hanging from the ceiling—alone. I felt so lonely, I—" Merlin stopped talking for a moment and then took a deep breath and continued. Arthur couldn't even imagine the pain that reliving these memories must be causing him. Now he wished he had never asked.

"The worst part was that we didn't know what had happened to him, that man. When they found me he had already packed up his things and left. For a whole year I couldn't go outside alone because the thought of him still out there scared me. But then one day my friend Will had been hunting in the forest and he came back lugging a body. Will thought that he had died by being mauled by a bear or some other creature. To this day I still don't know how I feel about his death.

"I only stopped having the nightmares about what happened a month or two before I came to Camelot. And now I've got new ones."

Arthur just stared at Merlin. He wanted to rip apart with his bare hands the man who had done this to him. He was so angry, and yet so amazed. He couldn't help but speak his thoughts. "And after all of that, you went through it again for Camelot? For me?"

Merlin seemed to consider the question. "It was both worse and better this time, knowing what to expect. And though I hated the thought of that happening to me again, the idea of giving up Camelot's secrets or letting that happen to you was unthinkable. Your father is right, Arthur, you are the prince, the future king, my life is worth nothing in comparison to yours." There was no sarcasm or mocking tone in his voice. He meant it.

Arthur couldn't believe what he was hearing. He got up from the bed and began to pace. He now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his previous decision was the right one. He had to do it even though he didn't want to. He had promised several people that he would take care of Merlin and now he had to make good on that promise. The boy simply had no sense of self-preservation.

His back was to Merlin and, without turning to look at him, he said, "You're fired, Merlin."

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><p><strong>So yeah, I know you all hate me for that cliffhanger, but I really thought that this chapter shouldn't be 6000 words so I ended it here. Plus, I just really didn't want to write the next scene at the moment. <strong>

**So, you all _finally_ know about Merlin's whipping past, I hope it didn't disappoint. Please review and tell me what you think of it because I seriously want to know. I hope that it all wasn't to out of character for you guys.**

**Also, who else LOVED the last two Merlin episodes? *raises both hands and waves them around wildly***


	24. We Begin To Return To The Way We Were

**Yay! An update just two days after the last one! Truth is: I really don't how good this is since I'm sick with a fever at the moment. I could quite possibly be thrown off my writing axis. Due to my overwhelming desire to be unconscious until this illness is over I probably wouldn't have even had this up today, but I got a review that really inspired me to write. The reviewer said that it was quite mean of me to leave all of you lovely people hanging with the ending of that last chapter and I have to say that I agree. I'm not sure why I'm so mean to you all, unless my writing whump has turned me into a cruel person. **

**Anyway, I got a bunch of lovely reviews for the last chapter so I want to thank you all for that. Now, on to the resolution of that last cliffhanger. **

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><p>"You're firing me? Again?" Merlin asked incredulously. "Why?"<p>

Arthur still hadn't looked back at him. Merlin was starting to wonder if there was something seriously wrong with the prince. After all, he knew he was a prat, he was insecure, had no idea what he believed, and loved lobbing things at his servant. Not to mention that he was massively conflicted about how to both be his own person while pleasing his father, which is impossible. But now Merlin was beginning to think that Arcturus had cast some sort of spell over him, or maybe the prince was just born with two personalities.

Some part of Merlin, though, panicked at the thought of no longer being Arthur's servant. He had gone through too much, lost too much even before coming here. Despite Arthur's prattish ways, he enjoyed being his servant, but more than that he knew that Arthur would get into some serious trouble and would probably die if Merlin wasn't there to help him. Arthur needed him, and…Merlin needed Arthur. He needed to have a good friend and he needed a purpose for his magic. He had grown up all his life not knowing why he had magic or whether or not he was evil. He was just starting to believe that his power might be used for good.

"Because, _Mer_lin," Arthur finally rounded on the boy, "you seem to gotten the idea in your head that you have to protect me at any cost, _even _if that cost is your own life. You're not a knight; you're not a guard or anyone who has sworn to protect Camelot and defend me. In fact, you've only been living in Camelot for a few months. It is not your job to protect me from anything other than having a messy room."

Arthur sighed and Merlin vaguely thought of how tired the prince had looked lately. "Merlin, you are a good person. A better one than I am. You're kind and loyal, but I have done nothing to deserve your loyalty. You have a lot of people who care about you, and I have made promises to several of them that I would protect you. I thought that by being your master I would be in the perfect position to do just that, but I was wrong.

"You've already suffered enough in your life, Merlin; I don't want you to suffer any more on my account. So that's why you're fired, because you have a lot to live for, yet seem insistent on dying for me." Arthur turned around again.

Merlin was panicking slightly. If he couldn't protect Arthur then who knows what could happen to him? Though, he had to admit that it was nice to know that the prat cared enough to want to keep him safe. And as he thought back on all he had suffered he began to get angry at Arthur for trying to undo it all.

"What? Would you rather have some bootlicking servant who cares for nothing but himself? A servant who talks at even the _mention_ of pain? What I did, Arthur, may very well have saved your life, but what if I hadn't been there? It's not just about you; it's about the whole of Camelot. Many lives rest on you. What if you had died? Hmmm? Some stuffy lord would have taken your place as king, a lord with no brains and no love for the people of Camelot.

"And the knights, you would let them die for you, they all have taken oaths. I know that if you weren't a prince you wouldn't let anyone give their life for you, but since you are you do what is best, no matter how it makes you feel. You do it because you know that you have a duty to Camelot, a duty to survive. I wasn't lying when I said that my life was worth nothing compared to yours."

Merlin had tried appealing to the loving-and-protective-of-his-people side of the prince, but he could tell that it hadn't worked.

Arthur just took another step towards the door. "No arguing, Merlin. You're fired, end of discussion." And though his tone sounded final he hadn't actually left the room yet. Merlin began to wonder if maybe the prince wasn't as confident about his decision as he seemed.

Merlin had been telling the truth when he had talked about Arthur's importance, but that really hadn't been his main reason for saving him. Merlin knew he had one last chance. Arthur couldn't fire him for a myriad of reasons, and the warlock was beginning to think that he would have to give some of the most important ones—the ones he hadn't even fully admitted to himself yet.

Merlin had been annoyed at first when Arthur had made his ridiculous proclamation. He had just told the prince something that he had never told anyone else about his past and _this_ was his reaction?

And the thing was: it had felt good, too. Getting that weight off his shoulders had felt wonderful after all these years. Not to mention the fact that he had told Arthur something personal about himself without having to really lie. Sure, he'd left out the fact that being accused of sorcery had scared him nearly to death since it was what he had feared all his life.

And he hadn't revealed how—even though he had known that he _hadn't_—the pain had gotten to him after a while and Merlin had started to believe that he really _had_ set the fence on fire. And he certainly hadn't mentioned that he had been so scared that he had been unable to use his magic, because, at the time, his magic had been much less powerful and could be suppressed by strong emotions.

But in the end Merlin had told Arthur everything of importance, and that had made him feel more free and alive than he had in years. But then the prat had to go and ruin it.

But after all of this Merlin wasn't simply going to let go, so he slowly got up and walked painfully over to where Arthur was still standing with his back to him. And if that meant overexerting his tender and still-slightly-burning back then so be it.

He reached out and touched Arthur's shoulder and the prince spun around sharply at the contact. "Merlin, what are you doing?" he asked, clearly stunned to see him out of bed when he had no good reason to be. Just because Merlin could move around now didn't mean that he should.

Instead of answering Merlin said, "Arthur, listen to me, I told you on the hunting trip that I had a friend called Will back in Ealdor. I told you that he and I were the best of friends and that we both got into trouble and out of it together.

"In that creepy little hut the most terrifying thing was not the pain or the madman torturing me, but the loneliness. I can handle pain and fear and even the threat of death, but what scares me the most is being alone.

"They didn't save me, Arthur. And I don't blame them for that; I know that they would've if they could. But they didn't, I was completely alone and more than a little bit delirious. That can do things to your mind.

"That's why I was able to endure what Arcturus did to me, because I knew I wasn't alone. You were there with me and I knew that you would get me out. And you did, before Arcturus had a chance to do anything else to me.

"Arthur, you went on a quest to get an antidote to save a servant you barely even knew. You were there with me and you even tried to tell the sorcerer what he wanted to know just so that you could save me.

"Ever since that wretched night and day in the shack I have felt more alone than ever. People in Ealdor always sort of thought of me as a freak, some stranger, even though few of them ever said it to my face. But here, in Camelot, I feel like for the first time in my life I have a family. I have friends and people who care for me. I've got a ridiculous job that keeps me insanely busy. And I work for a prince who would risk his life to save a mere servant.

"You told me that I'm not alone anymore, and I think you're right. I no longer feel as empty as I used to. And you're a big part of that. I feel more alive and like I finally have a purpose. I feel like I have...a destiny." Merlin smiled a bit sheepishly.

"So don't fire me, Arthur, not when I've finally started to heal."

It would be a lie to say that Arthur wasn't moved by the hope and sheer conviction in Merlin's voice. He was surprised that being his servant mattered so much to the boy. But then he thought of how Merlin had basically told him that he was lonely, and then of how his most recent experience could've been quite cathartic for him. After all, it made sense that one of the things Merlin feared most was being alone, and since Arthur had been with him the prince could imagine how that could almost bring closure to the incident that had happened many years ago.

Looking at Merlin now, he knew that he really had no choice. From the way the boy had made it sound, letting him go would do more harm than good. And Arthur had to admit that a huge part of him was relieved: he hadn't really wanted to fire Merlin.

Arthur sighed. "I suppose, Merlin, that if I keep you as my servant you will still try to save me even if it isn't your job?"

A great big smile erupted onto Merlin's face as he read in-between the lines. "Of course I will. After all, if you died then I would be without a job at all, so it's really in my best interests to keep you alive." If possible the grin widened even more.

"But," Arthur said, "you won't be able to return to work at all if you continue to strain your back like that." Arthur put a hand on the back of the manservant's neck and gently guided him back to his bed. Merlin hissed slightly in pain. "Tender, is it?" the prince asked.

"Why, Arthur, are you actually concerned?" Merlin asked with that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes.

"No, why on earth would I be concerned about you, Merlin?" Arthur defended.

"Come on," Merlin said, "Admit it, you like me at least a little bit."

"No, I don't."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

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><p><strong>Don't worry, that is not the end to this story, though, I really, honestly, unequivocally believe that the next chapter will be the last one. Though, I suppose I could end it here, but I have a few more tiny things I wish to see in this story yet. Plus, I want an even 25 chapters. <strong>

**So, review and tell me what you think. Am I just too feverish right now and I should rewrite this when I get better? Do you think that it was in character? Did it disappoint? Should I just abandon this whole story and go be pathetic somewhere else? Actually, if you say yes to the last one I may have to track you down and punch you and then console myself with more chocolate and sugar than I know what to do with. (:**

**"See you on the other side."**


	25. The Beginning Of A Powerful Friendship

**Here is the last and final installment in this story and I'm almost sad to see it go. Please, remember to review and tell me if you think it was a good ending since I will not be telling you this at the bottom. Have fun.**

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><p>Merlin was relieved. Things were finally going back to normal. He had returned to work just two days ago—though Gaius had insisted that it be <em>very <em>light work and that there was to be _no_ lifting of heavy objects whatsoever, with or without his magic—and it had been just over three weeks since being brought back home.

He'd even gone to see the Great Dragon yesterday. On the second day after waking up from his near-deathly coma he had heard the annoying and persistent voice in his head. '_Merlin._ _Merlin_.' At that point he had been exhausted and in a great deal of agony despite Gaius' painkillers and had just simply snapped at the voice to 'go away.' And strangely enough it had.

But though the voice had left him alone, the presence in his mind had not. During his nightmares he would feel the slightest warmth against his mind that would increase when the dream had become too much for him to bear. The nudge in his mind would often be enough to wake Merlin up.

That warmth had stayed in mind all throughout his convalescence, but it had never felt violating or intruding even once in that while time. And only yesterday had the voice returned. Merlin had gone to see the dragon and they had talked. As usual the Great Dragon had known that something bad had happened but hadn't known all of the details. Even though Merlin still wasn't comfortable talking about it, the beast had been there for him the past few weeks, and so the warlock felt like he owed it to him.

Instead of getting some kind of lecture or being told that he was young or foolish or that he had much to learn, which was normally happened when he went to see the dragon, the creature had been comforting and understanding after hearing Merlin's tale. He had said,

"_You have suffered greatly, Merlin, and have endured much. But I think, in this case, the good that comes from such a great evil will far outweigh the bad. Your bond with the young Pendragon has been made stronger by these events. That may end up saving both your lives one day. And, if I am not mistaken Merlin, what has occurred has helped to heal an old wound. The reward for your endurance will be great."_

Merlin had never heard the dragon be so kind to him. The creature had truly sounded as if he was sorry for his pain and was trying to cheer him up.

Not that he needed cheering up when was still so happy just to be let out of Gaius' chambers. Of course, he had been disappointed that Arthur's room hadn't needed as much cleaning up as usual—apparently the temporary servant that the prince had gotten had been a horrible bootlicker—but it was enough for him just to return to work.

Most of his old banter with Arthur had returned, too, and he only rarely caught the concerned looks the prince was sending his way. In all truth, Merlin believed that he was currently feeling better than he had since before the poisoning, and everyone was certainly telling him that he looked it. Soon Arthur may not be concerned about him at all, which would be good since Merlin was tired of making the people he cared about worried.

Merlin had even regained most of the weight he had lost, which in itself was a miracle since it was far easier for the warlock to lose weight than to put it on.

Things finally seemed good. _And_ normal. The only thing that still bothered Merlin was the occasional glance he saw Arthur throwing his way. These were different than the concerned looks. No, it was the kind look someone gave you if they were trying to see how strong you were, or what you could take. Knowing Arthur, he was probably just waiting until he deemed his servant well enough to be given whatever harsh and ridiculous chore that he had in mind.

Still, it was disconcerting. Merlin had figured that Arthur would probably stick him with a week's worth of stable-mucking duty as soon as the prat could, but the look didn't quite fit with that. The prince was hiding something, and rather poorly, too.

But Merlin really didn't care what it was. The nightmares were finally starting to fade, his appetite was growing every day, (much to Margaret's delight,) no one he cared about was in life-threatening danger, and Arthur had even lobbed something at his head this morning, even if that something was only a pillow.

Merlin smiled to himself as he finished straightening up Arthur's room. He sighed in satisfaction. _All is right with the world._

Suddenly Gwen rushed hurriedly into the room. The maid practically ran into him.

The first thing Merlin noticed was the worried and anxious look on her face. "Gwen is something wrong?" he asked, already cursing himself for jinxing his normal day with his earlier thought.

"Merlin, the king has just sent for you in the throne room. I came to fetch you. Merlin, you haven't done anything stupid, have you? You didn't call Arthur a prat in front of Uther or something like that?"

"What?" Merlin asked, shocked. "No, of course not. Despite what Arthur thinks I'm not that stupid. What is this about?"

Gwen looked more worried than ever, even with Merlin's reassurances. "I don't know, Merlin, all I know is that the king wants to see you in the throne room right away."

"Well, then we shouldn't keep him waiting." Gwen nodded and they both left.

It was little wonder, Merlin thought, that Gwen was so scared for him. Not only had she had a bad experience of being called in front of Uther, but no one really enjoyed it. Even Arthur rarely came away happy from his talks or meetings with his father.

And Merlin had to admit that he was a little scared himself. Nearly all of his experiences with Uther were not pleasant. Of course, that wasn't always Uther's fault, but it didn't change the fact that Merlin felt like he had very little luck in the king's presence.

He and Gwen stopped outside the closed courtroom doors. The guards recognized him and let him and Gwen, who had fallen behind him since Uther didn't wish to talk to her, in.

The great throne room was filled with people gathered at the sides. There were nobles and peasants and even servants who didn't look like they were there to be serving anybody. Apparently Uther wanted everyone to hear whatever it was that he was going to say to Merlin.

Merlin could pick out Gaius, who Gwen was now standing next to, Margaret and several other people he knew in the crowd. He even saw Leon, who looked quite happy, which brightened his mood a bit since he didn't think that the knight was likely to be glad about anything that would be unpleasant for Merlin.

In the front of the room Uther was sitting in the middle throne with Arthur and Morgana at his sides. The king looked quite solemn, which wasn't unusual at all for him, while Arthur just looked smug. Morgana looked confused and worried and, if Merlin ventured a guess, he would say that she was as much in the dark as he was.

He wanted to see what Gaius' reaction to all of this was, but he was unfortunately in the middle of the room with every eye on him. He couldn't afford to let his own stray from the king's.

He bowed to Uther. "My lord," he said in the most respecting tone he had.

"Merlin formerly of Ealdor and now of Camelot," Uther addressed him. At least he didn't sound angry, a good sign. "When you first came to this land you saved my son Arthur. For that deed you were made his servant. It has been brought to my attention that recently you performed a great service to Camelot. You refused to give important information to an evil sorcerer even under torture, and by doing so you not only protected Camelot, but spared Arthur from the same fate as well. You protected this kingdom from its enemies at a great personal cost to yourself."

The whole room seemed to be awed by what Uther had said, much to Merlin's embarrassment. And the boy certainly hadn't missed the way many people had gasped when the king had mentioned the torture. The warlock still didn't know what this was about, but he was starting to think that this was all some sort of weird dream.

"For these deeds, and for your loyalty to my son that goes above and beyond anything that was ever expected of you, it is only fair that you shall receive a reward. No gift can make up for what you have suffered, but maybe it can ease the pain of the scars that are a testament to your bravery. And so, your reward shall be a hundred gold coins to spend how you choose."

Everyone in the room clapped and cheered. Merlin just stood stunned. He had never had anywhere near that much money before. Not only that, but he had never expected to get praise from _Uther_ of all people. He looked over and saw Gwen clapping and grinning wildly and he found that her joy was infectious. A big smile slid over Merlin's face. He gave a head-bow to the king and said, "Thank you, sire." The king simply nodded.

He glanced at Arthur and began to realize what the smug look meant: he was proud of himself, he had arranged this. The prince met his gaze and a silent and mutual 'thank you' passed between them.

Arthur got up from his chair and walked over to Merlin. "Here," he handed the warlock a bag of coins.

Merlin took it and headed out of the throne room, his friends following behind him. Once they were all out of Uther's sight and hearing range they all crowded around him.

"Congratulations, Merlin, you deserve it," Gwen said, still beaming.

"I'm happy for you, Merlin, it's about time you got some respect," Morgana said in one of the kindest tones he had ever heard from her.

"Well done, my boy, you've earned it," Gaius exclaimed, a twinkle in his eyes that Merlin hadn't seen in over a month.

"Maybe you can use some of those coins of yours to fatten yourself up then. You won't have any excuse to be thin if you're rich," Merlin heard Margaret say in a husky tone that told him she was trying to prevent herself from crying.

Merlin looked all around him and saw almost all of the people in his life that he cared about. And in a way his mother and Will were there, too, since they had both seen him off and given him their blessing to do—as Will put it—"great and mischievous things." Seeing all his friends around him and sensing their joy it was impossible not to get caught up it in. And even though Merlin didn't value gold the way other people did he still felt some happiness at the gift.

Merlin was still more than a little embarrassed by the praise he had received and being formally called in front of the king to be given his reward, but the elation he felt overshadowed all of it. In fact, he was so distracted by his friends and his own happiness that he didn't notice that Morgana had drifted away from the group with a confused and terrified look on her face.

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><p>Morgana backed away from everyone when she caught sight of the bag in Merlin's hands. Up until that point she had only witnessed minor glimpses of it, but once she had gotten a real look she recognized it for what it was. It was the same bag of gold that she had seen in her nightmare the night she went to see an unconscious Merlin. Morgana wasn't sure how, but somehow she knew that the fulfillment of just one of the many things in her dream had just come to pass. And as she gazed at the smiling Merlin and all the people gathering around him she felt something she had never felt before, not during the day, that is.<p>

Her vision left her and in her mind she saw dozens of images, both clear and yet fuzzy and confusing at the same time. She saw Merlin pulling Arthur out of the way of a knife, Merlin handing Arthur a snakehead, Merlin drinking from the poisoned goblet, Merlin and Arthur talking in a clearing with the words "true friend" on his lips, Merlin being whipped horribly, Merlin convulsing on a bed—just like she had seen before—, Arthur standing in Merlin's bedroom with the servant's hand on his shoulder, the gold coins, Merlin and Arthur standing on a balcony and talking. Abruptly the images stopped and two words rang in Morgana's head. _"The Foundation." _

For what seemed like hours more pictures swirled in Morgana's head. And after each set a new name would be given to them. Finally she reached a single picture that slowed its movement and didn't make her dizzy like the others. Arthur and someone Morgana couldn't see were fighting back to back in a bloody and gruesome battle. The sky overhead was crimson, and creatures all around them fought with an intense viciousness. The monsters were more frightening than anything Morgana had seen in her nightmares before; they looked to be the very embodiment of evil. In the distance a dragon flamed and roared. Morgana could tell by the way the two men moved and fought in perfect harmony that they knew each other very well. One would protect the other from whatever danger he was too busy to meet, and the other way around. They were an unstoppable force.

The final words flashed in her mind and her sight was returned to her. She looked around her, gasping for breath and trying to regain her dignity. Morgana had never had a nightmare or vision during the day before, and what she had seen had frightened her more than anything ever had. It was both so powerful and so terrifying that she was overwhelmed. She knew that what she had just seen was a powerful and wonderful and scary future.

She tried to re-orientate herself and pretend like nothing had happened, but it was so hard with those words hanging in her mind. At the end of every set of images words would reverberate through her. She couldn't help but listen to their daunting power.

_The foundation. The Growth. The Calm Before The Storm. The Tempest. The Aftershock. The Legend. _

Morgana knew that those words signified something of immense importance and greatness. They were far bigger than any one man. They were a legend.

But even though she knew all that she still had no idea what all the images truly meant. She would have to think more on it later. Perhaps ask Gaius about it.

Suddenly Morgana jumped nearly a foot in the air as someone's hand landed on her shoulder.

"Lady Morgana, are you all right?" asked Sir Leon.

Confused, for she couldn't remember what she had been thinking, she replied, "Yes, I'm fine." And with that she walked away from her still-laughing friends and went back to her chambers, all the while trying to remember what she had forgotten. She had been doing something while she was standing in that corner…she had been seeing something, something important. What was it?

It would be a long, long time before the Lady Morgana would remember. And when she finally did it would be far too late. For the day that her memory of the powerful warlock and the mighty king would return would be the day that Emry's killed her…with his love.

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><p>As Merlin's friends began to disperse he looked and saw Arthur standing by himself on a small outdoor balcony watching him. The prat looked way too smug for his own good, so Merlin decided he would have to change that.<p>

He walked towards Arthur and together they looked out over the beauty of Camelot, the wind gently blowing their hair. They stood in silence like that for a while until, eventually, Merlin asked, "Why?" At Arthur's questioning glance he elaborated. "It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I…don't' really understand the why…or the how, for that matter. I would have thought that it was impossible for you to overcome your pride long enough to hear your father say that I saved you."

Arthur thought about his answer for a moment, despite Merlin's jibe he was going to answer honestly. "Well, if it helps you to understand I suppose you should know that I didn't arrange this whole thing to give you gold. I know you don't care about money the way certain, stuffy lords do. I did this so that the people of Camelot could see you getting the gold."

Merlin stared at him, obviously confused. "So…you did this for Camelot?"

Arthur had to hold back a laugh at the puzzled expression on Merlin's face. His manservant really could be thick sometimes. "No, Merlin, you don't care about riches—that was just for pretense. What I really wanted was for everyone to know what you did. I know you, Merlin; you don't expect praise or recognition for anything that you do—and most of the time you don't even deserve it for being as lazy as you are. But you sacrificed so much because you wanted to, not because you thought you would be rewarded. And I thought that everyone should know that. This was about you getting the praise you deserve, because…Morgana was right, you have earned it."

Merlin just looked at Arthur, a warm feeling settling in his gut. There had been more sincerity in the last month than either of them were comfortable with, but Arthur had reached past that and had done something nice for his servant. Merlin had to admit that the praise had felt good—it had also been embarrassing, which Arthur had no doubt enjoyed—but good.

Arthur was right, praise and recognition weren't two things he received very often. Most of the time Merlin saved Arthur's life without ever expecting any sort of acknowledgement for it. And he had a feeling that he would be do that for years to come. But for now, the praise was all that he needed.

He looked at Arthur. He had not only given his servant a gift, but had also given many others gifts as well. Merlin had seen the looks of pure joy on the faces of his loved ones, looks that he hadn't seen in over a month. Their happiness alone was enough to make all of this worth it.

That mutual and soundless 'thank you' passed between them again as both boys felt an immense gratitude at what the other had done for him.

Silence reigned supreme for a while as the young men who would grow up to be powerful and wonderful people stared out at Camelot. Merlin, for one, marveled at how lucky he was that this beautiful kingdom was his home.

Suddenly, a thought sprang into Merlin's mind. "Hey, Arthur, how did you get the king to agree to this? It could just be me, but I didn't think he had a very high opinion of servants."

Arthur chuckled. "You'd be surprised at the powers of persuasion I can have over him when he's in a good mood." He chuckled again. "But it wasn't just me. Despite what you may think, Merlin, my father firmly believes in rewarding people for their good deeds. He has a sense of honor about that. He's not as cruel as everyone thinks." Merlin could hear the slight sadness in Arthur's tone at that. The servant knew how hard it must be for him, being the son of a man so many people hated and judged.

But the spark returned to Arthur's eyes when he continued, "Also, it doesn't hurt to remind him that by rewarding you for your service to Camelot, others might be more inclined to follow in your footsteps. He thinks he can by the peoples' loyalty."

"Only the people whose loyalty isn't worth buying," Merlin said. Unbidden, both minds flashed to some rather prattish nobles. "Still, though," Merlin said thoughtfully, "I have no idea what I'm going to do with all of this money. It's not like I have _that_ many needs."

Arthur smirked. "Maybe you could use it to buy yourself some new clothes. It's like you only have one extra pair! You can't imagine what it does to my image, having a servant as poorly dressed as you following me around. Or maybe you should listen to Margaret—people might actually take you seriously if you weren't as skinny as a broom. Or is that just common where you come from?"

Merlin looked like he was about to retort, but then an idea seemed to spark in his head. A huge grin spread over his face. "I could give it to the people of Ealdor!" Merlin looked ecstatic. "They need it far more than me. This money could do wonders for them. So many of them can't afford the things they need." Merlin beamed at Arthur. "Thank you, this is brilliant."

"It's a good idea, Merlin, but you should keep a few coins for yourself, you never know when you might need it. _Especially_ with your luck."

"Yeah, sure," Merlin said distractedly, "I should really go and prepare to send this to them." He made to leave but then looked back at Arthur uncertainly.

Sensing what the boy needed, Arthur said, "Go on, you can have the rest of the day off, but I expect you to bring me breakfast on-time tomorrow. And if you don't I'll stick you with stable-mucking duty for a week."

Merlin huffed loudly. "Gaius will never stand for that," he replied, but secretly got the message that the prince had been trying to send. Tomorrow everything would go back to the way it was. Tomorrow would be _normal_.

But as Merlin ran back to Gaius' chambers in the hopes that the old man could tell him exactly _how_ one sends hundred gold coins to a small village, the warlock wondered if maybe it wouldn't be quite the same. Sure, Arthur would call him an idiot and Merlin would tell him that he's a prat, but it wouldn't be the same. Arthur had gone through a lot of trouble, time, and had discarded his pride more than once for his servant. The bag of gold in his hand Merlin couldn't care less about for himself, except that it symbolized something greater. The Great Dragon had told him that his reward would be great, but Merlin was starting to realize that that had nothing to do with money. The reward was something that would last much longer. Arthur, though for now they would both deny it, was a True friend. They had gone through so much recently, and now, perhaps, they were _both_ receiving their rewards.

_No, _Merlin thought, _things won't be the same. _He didn't think that it would be greatly noticeable, just subtle. Their friendship had been strengthened and that could never be undone. Merlin had seen it in Arthur's eyes: they were now so much more than master and servant.

Merlin had gone through that torture for many reasons, to save many futures. But now he had the strangest feeling that it had had an effect that he had never imagined. His actions, along with Arthur's, may just have laid the foundations for something bigger. A legendary friendship.

Merlin smiled as he entered his room. He set down the bag of coins on a table and felt that a chapter in his life was over. Now it was time for a new one to begin.

_Chapter one: "The Foundation" has ended. _

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><p><strong>This story shall be continued, though when I do not know. If anyone has any questions about this series then PM me.<strong>

**Firstly, I want to thank you all for all the support and love you have given me and this story. I could not have done it without you. And a great big thank you to all the people who reviewed regularly or semi-regularly, I owe you all so much. Thank you for the feedback and the praise, I don't think anything I've ever done has been loved quite as much as this. **

**Next, I wish to tell you all that my next story in the _"Chapter"_ series is either going to be a short story about Merlin and Arthur's friendship growing, _or_ I'm simply going to skip that and move on to the story _"Gathering Clouds."_ Almost every story in this series will contain whump, definitely bromance, hopfully some plot twists and ideas you've never seen before, and will feature Merlin and Arthur as the main two people we see. After all, it's about them. So look out for these stories even if I have no idea when they will be out. Oh, and if anyone wants to find out more about the next story there is a summary on my profile.**

**And you all should know that I am not EVER going to do a Morgana/Merlin fic. There's no romance between them. **

**So, I really would love some feedback about what your favorite parts in this story were and maybe what you think could use to be changed. I have gone back and I realize a bunch of typos and such and I plan on fixing them one day. Also, if there was anything that didn't make sense then I will try to explain it to you as long as you tell me. And I wish to know if everyone seemed mostly in-character. This story dealed with a lot of things that I believe the show will never do, so it's bound to be a bit out of character. **

**Thank you for all of your support and I will see you all in some of my other stories, and believe me, I have many ideas. "Until then...just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine." See if you can figure out what that is from. (:**

_"Take heart...I have overcome the world."_


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